2003-04-15
12:21 p.m.

Oh The Possibilities

Trinity checking in -- ran across this and giggled myself silly.

Possible Clay Aiken Product Endorsements

What comes after a music career is launched? Product endorsements, of course. Let's consider the full spectrum of endorsements that might possibly cross Clay Aiken's doorstep.

Weight Loss Clinics

We have several testimonials of Clay being personally responsible for the weight loss of several women here at the FORT (me included, lost 5 pounds since the Wildcard show). Whether it's because we can't take time away from reading, writing, watching and dreaming about Clay to eat or whether we just want to look good in the off chance that we'd run into Clay on a street corner (yeah, I know, buy a lottery ticket, it's better odds – but people still win the lottery!), Clay has been the centerpiece of our success. Clay Aiken sponsored weight loss clinics – with Clay himself providing an occasional visit - will surely spur on masses of women to at least attempt to lose weight.

Flavored Lip Gloss
I know that Clay's lip gloss hasn't been a popular item among many of his fans here at the FORT, but if this product came with the chance to kiss Clay's lips to determine the flavor, then I'm buying 6 dozen and taking out a second mortgage on my home to purchase stock in the company.

Tennis Shoes

Consider some hip styled shoes that look good both coming and going. Clay can put a pair on and then proceed to turn his right foot around (remember his "other talent" of being able to turn his feet backwards). You then get to see both the front of the shoe and the back of the shoe at the same time. This has the added advantage of enticing young boys ages 4-12 to purchase these shoes due to the intense creepiness of being able to turn one's foot around.

Cosmetic Surgery

Clay can be the poster child for the sensuality of mud flaps posing as ears. Men, young and old, will run to cosmetic surgeons to get their ears "pinned up" (as opposed to back) hoping to achieve the same sex appeal as Clay Aiken.

Therapy

Let's admit it now. We are all gonna need some intense therapy when those dreaded Clay Aiken withdrawals hit. Clay can sponsor Clayaholics Anonymous and Group Therapy Sessions across America (for that matter, around the world) as we all commiserate together.

Faster Internet Connections

Who else complains that they just can't download Clay's audio/video fast enough? Clay can endorse a faster internet provider. And even if it's not really faster, just provide us pictures of Clay while we are waiting and we won't even notice how long it's taking.

Viagra for Women

Well, actually, there's no product to sell here. I just want a 20 second spot of Clay Aiken on TV. That's effective enough for me.

Fountain of Youth

Mankind has been trying for years to find the so-called 'Fountain of Youth' and I gotta say that Clay Aiken is the closest thing yet to delivering on this promise. No matter what age we really are, I think we all feel 15 again. Thank you Clay.