2003-04-16
1:14 p.m.

My Take on Last Night

I have to chime in with Kathy � The mermaid, and the activity director of the cruise ship has GOT TO GO already! I wonder what they say to each other when it�s clearly obvious that one of them is wearing something so terribly ghastly and dreadful. I mean forcryingoutloud � when Smokey Robinson says �You could tell you were nervous� and Paula who always says something nice just shakes her head � you know it�s bad.

Ruben was great I thought, however, Simon the terrible thought he was one dimensional, okay whatever. You don�t say that to Luther Vandross do ya? Sheesh.

Josh kicked it up a notch � I liked that � and the scary girl � she wasn�t so scary last night, however, she was bluesy � and she�d be great singing jazz. Too bad she doesn�t stand a chance of winning�I must comment about Carmen. She is really trying hard. However, she�s not cutting the mustard either. But I gotta say, she�s really doing her best for all us chubby chics in the world!

And now, on to my beloved�.Clay � �swoooon� I don�t think he could have looked any sexier than he did � and I thought for sure this was going to be another ballad � and at first I was terribly disappointed, if that�s at all possible with Clay � however, he went over the top! And ohmygod! I have no idea what I�d do if he danced, I think there were be a giant wet spot on my couch from me peeing myself silly!

I found this the other day � and wanted to share� all about Clay�

The Holy Book Of Clay

CHAPTER ONE

1 In the beginning, there was an audition, and three judges from far off lands came unto the South, offering gifts of great acclaim, these judges of man being King Simon, the Philistine advisor Randy, and the concubine Paula.

2 Upon this came Clay, son of Astley, who descended upon the audition in robes white and unblemished. Taking the form of man He entered unto the audition.

3 And Clay sang unto the judges with a glorious noise like honey poured from heaven's casks. And it was good.

4 But King Simon was not pleased and proclaimed his eyes were turned toward the heavens, but that he did not see Him in those heavens.

5 And Clay said, "Let's let America decide."

6 King Simon was satisfied and pointed toward the West. "You shall go and be judged with the others. If you be so deemed worthy, you shall pass."

7 And then Clay came down from the mountaintop, and there he rested for seven days and seven nights.

8 And when He came unto the finals, He sang unto the judges, "So now I come to you in open arms."

9 And the judges were exceedingly indifferent and did not let Him enter. Clay then rested seven days and seven nights.

10 And the judges cried out to Him, proclaiming, "We shall allow you to come unto the wild card program."

11 As He walked to enter unto the wild card program, He met a stranger with eyes like the sun and garments like a mighty king.

12 And Clay said, "Stranger, what is thy name?"

13 And the stranger proclaimed, "You may call me Elton. I am come from a foreign land to bring to you this message. 'Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me.'"

14 And the stranger was carried up into a flaming chariot and carried into the heavens. And He took this message into His heart and weighed it there.

15 And Clay entered unto the wild card program, and brought forth this message, "Don't let the sun go down on me."

16 But the judges heard Him not and chose in His stead three harlots of Jezebel, two with hair of woven gold, the other one lacking a name.

17 But the people cried out, "Lo! We have heard thy cry, oh Lord! And we shall take you into, er, unto us."

18 And a mighty cry came out and Clay was chosen for the Wild Card and descended into Heaven.

Let's all bow our heads in a moment of silence while we fantasize about Clay...

Trin