2003-08-19
11:29 a.m.

BEVR: Maplestik/St. Louis

Broad's Eye View Report: Maplestik/St. Louis

When I got 2 tickets for the AI concert in St. Louis, I thought, "Who should I take?" Hubby? No! He wouldn't appreciate my over-zealousness for OBC. I'd have to put up with the eye rolls and the "look." All you married broads know, THE LOOK. It only took a second to think of the perfect person. A person who can appreciate a tug, a yank, a pull. My sister-in-law Connie. When you look up fun, you see Connie's picture. She's a broad who can Woo Woo with the best of them. She also tried on finals night, with all her might, to get in a Clay vote. Connie's from a small town in Nebraska called O'Neill. (The Shamrock Capital.) She's a woman with 5 kids and a husband, a woman who could use a little Clay in her life.

We met up at Lambert Airport in St. Louis. Screaming and jumping like kangaroos in heat. Clay heat! Two exceptionally excited women. We told the counter people at Thrifty why we were in St. Louis, to see OBC and they wanted to come with us. They could feel our Claynacious Vibe. I rented a red Spyder convertible. Without telling Connie. When that car pulled around, the smile on her face told me I had made the right decision.

We finally pulled out of Thrifty car rental and off on our Clay Getaway Adventure. Connie told me that she had sat next to a little 9-year-old girl named Destiny. Destiny, how appropriate? Destiny had drawn me an 8x11 Clay poster for the concert. We said, "It's our destiny to be on our Clay adventure."

The first suburb on our way to town was called Clayton. Woo! Woo! Okay, I'm thinking it's a sign. Then the next underpass is called Taylor Avenue. I start telling Connie that James Taylor is one of Clay's favorite singers. We are driving to our hotel and on a bus billboard we see it -- James Taylor is appearing August 16. Connie screams, "That's tonight!" I don't really have to tell you broads what we did on Saturday night now, do I? Woo! Woo! Another sign we are supposed to be on this Clay Adventure. I was a little nervous because the day before I switched hotels. A client had told me the Adams Mark was the place to stay across the street from the Arch. When I looked at a map, I felt that hotel was just too far from the Savvis Center. It seemed like a lot of work driving and finding parking and what if I wanted to have some drinks? I'd never been to St Louis so I made an executive decision and changed hotels. I changed to the Hyatt at Union Station. It was $50 cheaper than the Adams Mark and it had a Mall in its lower level. Yippee! Connie and I are shoppers! This was the hotel for us. We pulled up to this big old train station that had been renovated. OMG! It was beautiful! We met the head valet. His name was Chris. Just the greatest guy. We told him why we were there. You could tell he was getting a kick out of our Clayexcitement. With huge smiles on our faces we went inside. The inside was unbelievable. Once again, we told the hotel reservations person that we were in St Louis to see Clay!!!! We got along with her so well, we told her she should get tickets and come with us. She said, she'd love too if she could find tickets. We then went to our room. OMG! You didn't need lights because when we opened the door, our smiles lit up the room. The bathroom had a TV and a phone just in case we needed to make any important calls. SCORE! We dropped our bags and went down to the mall. I needed to get my nails done. You all know, OBC gets manicures nowadays. Connie's back was hurting her and she had noticed a god -- I mean man -- giving chair massages outside the salon. When I came out, Connie was in a daze and feeling no pain. The god's name was Tennell. He definitely had technique. I hopped in the chair and he started releasing my tensions. I needed to be relaxed for OBC! Connie had whispered in my ear, right before I sat down, 'Make sure you open your eyes when he's working your shoulders.' So, I did. OMG! What a bootylicious treat. This guys calves had muscles on his muscles. Thank you Connie, for giving me such an eye candy treat. SWEET! We shopped for awhile and then we went to Houlihans for dinner. We were obviously high on Clay.

The waiter was great to us. The manager was great and most employees came and talked to us about the concert. It was time to run to go to see sweet baby James. When we were getting our car from the valet, two ladies pulled up with the greatest Clay signs in the windows of their car. "BROADS?" I thought to myself. Two women emerged with Clay red shirts on hangers. I ran over and said, "Are you Lecherous?" With a grin, she said "Yes!"

It was Beth! It was so good to see a face of a name I recognized. She had made great Clay shirts downloaded from the internet. We chatted for a moment and then we were off to see sweet baby James. After the concert, traffic was so bad we just sat in our car and turned up Clay on the CD player. We just sang at the top of our lungs. When we got back it was around midnight and we headed for Key West, an establishment in the mall, open until 3 a.m. We walked in and our waiter from Houlihans was there. He came over and talked to us for a moment. It was nice to sit down and relax and talk about the day's events and make plans for Sunday.

Early Sunday morning. Boing! My eyes opened. I guess the excitement of knowing its CLAY DAY. I thought, I'll just go get some coffee while Connie sleeps. I found a place in the mall of to get 2 mocha cappuccinos. I went back up to the room. They drinks were so hot I set them on the night stand and laid back down. I went back to sleep for another hour. Yea, Sleep! I needed to be rested for OBC. Connie and I had decided that we would do some tourist things. First on our agenda: Go see the Arch. We walked outside and OMG! BUSES! Connie said the look on my face was priceless. I looked at Chris. With a smirk he said, "They got in at 3 a.m." Our car pulled up. We left for the Arch. Connie can feel my pain. She's driving by the Arch asking where to park. I said, "Back at our hotel!" Arch, Smarch. I didn't care about no stinkin' arch. I wanted to get back to the hotel. Chris the valet looks and laughs when he sees us pull up. He knows we didn't go up to the Arch. And if we had, we must have sprinted through it. All I can say to all you broads is Chris was very good to us. At this point, I am trying as hard as I can, not to become a stalker.

Connie looks at me and says, "How bad to you want to meet some of them?" I said, "Oh it's okay. I really don't have to." She says, "Honestly on a scale from one to ten?" Without any hesitation, I said 10! Then she said, "Let's do it!" Let me just say the task was not very hard. Why, you ask? Because they were staying on the same floor as we were! OMG! Clay was somewhere on the 4th floor. I could hardly breathe. We go to the elevators and we see Ricky. Connie gets a picture of me and Ricky. Then Trenyce. I get a picture with Trenyce, too. She is so much prettier in person than in any of her publicity pictures, and a skinny, tiny body, too. WoW! Charles was jumping on the elevator. We had the perfect spot. Other fans had discovered the buses and were all out in the dreadful humidity why we just stayed next to the 4th floor elevators. Then Jerome came down the hall. OMG! He's so gorgeous! He was tall and beautiful. I said, "Hey, Jerome." He looked and smiled. I introduced myself and told him he was famous on the internet. He smiled and laughed. I asked if I could have a picture and he said Yes! OMG! The body that takes care of the body of OBC! He said Clay is sleeping, as if I might ask him that question. As if!

Just because I have a picture of Clay on my shirt? Then I thought, maybe I should volunteer as Clay's personal alarm clock. I'm sure I'm qualified. I'm sure I could wake him up. I could say, wakey, wakey! Or a soft good morning and a gentle back rub. My mind was racing. I came back to reality and thanked Jerome and he was on his way. There's always a party pooper and the hotel security was the guy. He came up and said we had to move. We couldn't just stand by the elevators. No autographs in the hotel. I didn't get to see OBC but I felt great. I thought, I better go to that salon and get my hair in styled. I never do things like this but I have to look good for OBC. Connie went back to Tenell, the God with the magic hands. I was already feeling great because I had met Ricky, Trenyce and Jerome. I saw Carmen, who had no makeup and was the cutest thing on the planet. I also saw Kim Caldwell running around with braids and a ball cap on. Okay, all the women are gorgeous! I went in a shop where there were 4 teenage girls. They all had homemade concert shirts on. I started telling them my story. Then Connie yelled to me, "There's yelling going on outside." We all ran outside to see what the yelling was. No, it wasn't any of the idols but the guys making fudge. I hit Connie in the arm and told her it was just the crowd watching the guy make fudge. I told the girls the buses were outside. They took off to see the buses. Then we went to the Hard Rock. The host announced over the loud speaker, "Table for Ruben and Clay, Party of 2." A lot of Clay fans were at the Hard Rock. We met the cutest young girl named Kelly. I would guess Kelly at 14. She had won 4 tickets on the radio for being Clay's biggest fan, which put her in the 4th row. She talked a mile a minute. She made the cutest crown of Clay pictures on her head. Connie and I just ate and then had to do some more shopping. It was getting close to Clay time. Makeup on. D.O. on. I smell great! I feel great! It's time to go! We decided to stop at Houlians for one drink. I said to the bartender, "I'd like a shot of something cold and very refreshing." He made something called "The Biting Alligator." He said I could only have one because the second one bites back. I completely understood. Walking to the concert with the throngs of Clay fans was so much fun. People were telling their stories. We were singing. We walked in with some girls who got to go to the meet & greet. They were about a mile off the ground. We got inside. I went to our seats. Connie headed to buy American Idols items for her 5 children. I went to our seats. OMG! Our seats were amazing! We were the 11th row and no one in front of us. Almost in the center. I met C. James, the internet friend that had e-mailed about Tickemaster releasing tickets. Thank you C. James! The teenage girls I had met earlier ran up to me thanking me and thanking me. I said, "For what?" The girl who had the Charles shirt on had gotten to get on the bus and Charles gave her a kiss. They were screaming and jumping up and down. I saw Jerome and a line of Clay fans. I walked over in front of Jerome and held up a sign I had made earlier, that said, "Jerome, You're Famous." He looked, gave the most gorgeous grin and said, "No, I'm not." He waved, and I left so he could get on with the Clay fans. I was too far back to make the throw with the red panties. I gave them to a guy in the 3rd row and asked he and his wife to throw them. He said he would. Connie finally showed up with libations so we were ready to for the show.

Camera, check, Beer, check. Scream, check. Yep, I was ready. Lights went down. Big screen started playing clips of our idols. Everyone was having such fun on stage which translates to the audience. Trenyce got the crowd crazy with Proud Mary. When Clay comes up from the under the stage in the fog, the crowd erupts. He looked so bootyful. Connie ran up closer to take a picture. Security escorted her back. We were jumping and screaming. YIKES! I screamed so loud I almost passed out. All the idols sounded great! Clay was so playful on stage. Must have gotten some good sleep. He looked so good in his white bootilicious outfit. Underwear started flyin' Connie begged the security guard to run up and throw the panties. He said yes. She ran up. (The wind up, the pitch.) OMG! The panties had a huge curve and hit the guy who was filming the AI concert right in the head and landed on him. The security guy just shook his head. You could tell he was thinking, "Why did I let her go and throw those panties?" We laughed so hard. I couldn't believe how bad the throw was either. Clay and Julia were having too many kisses and moments on stage. When I say moments, I mean moments! "Invisible" had the whole place on their feet screaming and singing right along. My BEVR is everyone and I mean everyone in this concert is great! Everyone put so much energy into this concert. If Trenyce or Kim Locke don't get record deals, there is something wrong. KLo held a note so long tonight, I had time to go get a hot dog & beer. She was amazing. The walk back was fun. There was a crowd waiting at the buses. I was 10 feet off the ground. We went back to Key West and just reminisced about the concert. It was one of most fun times I've ever had in a 48-hour time period. I personally think Clay & Connie should be given credit for the spike in St. Louis' economy.

I have so many others stories: Clay's bus driver was in the room next to ours. He gave us gossip. But these stories are too long to keep posting.

I had the time of my life!

Lurking Broad Maplestik/Christa aka Donna

-Note from Nelle: You, too, can participate in the LBFCA Summer Series, and have your Broad's Eye View Report, or, for any other Brude's out there, your Summary of Clay, about Clay's Summer Concert Tour on the LBFCA Main Page. Just send it to Nelle via email, and she'll post it ASAP. (If you are a lurker, or otherwise wish to remain anonymous, just let me know that in your email). Don't worry about your BEVR not being the same size or looking the same as anyone elses. Here at LBFCA we celebrate diversity. Every BEVR is unique. This is your personal experience of witnessing what Katynka so gloriously described as "a little hockey-jersey-clutchin,' white-leather-wearin,' DTTR revealin,' mic-flickin,' thigh-strokin,' eye-f***ing, smokin,' jokin,' singin,' hunk-o-burnin' libido."