Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2003-08-18
10:05 p.m.

BEVR: Lisa M/Memphis

Broad's Eye View Report: Lisa M/Memphis

The madness started on Wednesday, with a thought: gee, I wonder if the Memphis show is sold out? A delightful, fleeting fantasy fired upon by brutal reality. Memphis crawls with Elvis pilgrims this time of year, & who would I get to ride with me 400 miles in 2 days? But the thought would not be denied, grew to consume me. After reading so many BEVRs, I wanted that experience too. I wanted to see Clay live!

Thursday morning, I started the car & 'Walking in Memphis' came on the radio. An omen? I checked & learned Elvis week actually ends on the 15th, not the 16th. That night I checked - 'for fun,' I told Mom, 'unless some killer seats have come open.' She had a terrible chest cold but replied gamely 'and if you did I'd probably be dumb enough to go with you.' I clicked on Ticketmaster. 8th row theater seats, stage right front. 'Feel like living dangerously?' I asked. 'Your father will have a fit,' she protested as I typed in my Amex, 'and I have pneumonia or something, what are we doing?' 'WE'RE GOING TO SEE CLAY!!' I screamed.

On Friday a little timer in my head ticked away. I had so much nervous energy, I even dragged the office fridge outside to defrost. The drive Saturday was perfect. As I went to check in at the motel, 2 broads came out of the office, 1 carrying a bright red Clay shirt. 'I know where you?re going tonight,' I sang. They looked down at my feet & started laughing. 'Red shoes!' they yelled. It was Erin and Robin! We squealed & hugged & promised to get together; unfortunately my brain was so fried I promptly forgot their room numbers. Sorry.

The mental ticker was down to minutes by now. A quick cleanup, burger, change into our shirts (the page 50 bathroom photo, draped in gold & platinum fabric paint), & find great close parking. Walked right up to will call, despite never having been to the Pyramid. Every piece fell into place. We waited to get in, & what started to play on the PA? 'Walking in Memphis.' 'Mom, I think we were meant to be here.' The seats were phenomenal, about 20 feet from the stage and elevated for a flawless view. Spotted tons of Broads on the floor but Ass Clown Security wouldn't let me past. Thanks for nothing.

Finally, the show! Bear with me as I speak briefly on each performer - I only saw the last 6 episodes, so half the cast was new to me. Charles was cute and energetic. Julia looked great and sounded very nice. Rickey blew me away! Mom & I stared at each other going 'how did he get voted out?' He has a wonderful voice! Kimberme obviously has a limited vocal range, but chose songs that didn't challenge it, & she has good stage presence. Carmen - you all know I try to give the benefit of the doubt, but the girl can't sing. She was so flat it hurt. Mom had some shocking (for her) suggestions as to how the kid got into the 12. The loud applause at the end was part relief it was over & part anticipation.

Trenyce was on fire! (Literally. When flames shot out of the stage I wondered if the Broads down front brought foot longs.) She was great & the crowd loved her. She was clearly moved, introduced her mom (who she looks just like) & thanked Memphis for supporting her. The Tennessee love fest continued with Kim L who also introduced her mom, sitting only a few rows from us. We & a lot of other voices screamed when she mentioned Nashville, so she knew we were representing for her. She was marvelous...but that ticker in my head was whispering it's down to seconds now, just seconds-

And there HE was, rising thru the mist. From the shriek that erupted you would've thought a bomb went off in the place. Purple tie for the Broads, & that smile so bright who needs spotlights, & his eyes really do sparkle like that. Mom: 'Is he okay? He looks flushed.' Me (after the first of many full body screams): 'I think that's normal.' In case you haven't had the pleasure, let me prepare ya - as good as the photos are they don't do justice. CLAY AIKEN IS A STONE COLD FOX. I noticed him fiddle with the monitor in his ear several times during the show, but his voice was clear & strong. And knee bends, oh my goodness! At the end of TITN he just stood & let the roar wash over him, & then he laughed. Oh, that sweet, abandoned laugh. I never imagined hearing it in person, seeing him in person, could be what it was. He teased the crowd a little - 'you people are hyped!' (to which I hollered 'fo shizzle')

Best place to meet Clay fans during an AI2 concert: the ladies room when Ruben is on stage. When I got back to my seat Mom was howling. 'Ruben asked where Kim's mom was, & when they brought up the lights she was gone!' (no comment) In all fairness, from what I heard Ruben sounded good, except his new song, which truly does suck. He usually followed Clay, which was good since I usually needed to flop down in my seat after Clay & recuperate.

Since ACS still wouldn't let me on the floor I spent intermission chatting with Kim's mom who is a really neat lady (Clay called her 'feisty'). She was thrilled Nashvillians went to the trouble to come. I even got 1 of her friends to take our picture together.

Second act, the order of things gets a bit blurry, so please be patient. I actually liked the LIAT/Bootylicious medley - the worlds collide thing appealed to me. So did Clay in white (Aretha Franklin's 'Freeway of Love' kept coming to mind). We sat right under the video screen & I did my best to look at it sometimes, but I literally could not take my eyes off him whenever he was on stage. His magnetism is amazing; even when he's not trying, or trying not, to be the center of attention, it happens. Laundry started to fly during TGIM - good aim, ladies. Clay looked particularly fond of the black boxers with shiny red (kisses? hearts?), & the red thong he held up in front of Ruben as if to taunt him, before he plopped it on the big boy's head. (Ruben got him back at the end of the song. When they're arguing about who gets stuck with the girl Ruben roared 'her feet smell like corn chips, I don't want her!' Clay broke up. I thought Broads might have to rush the stage & deliver mass CPR). Before the area code chant, Clay surprised Trenyce with a copy of Memphis magazine with her picture in it. She was so tickled, & told the crowd 'Clay is notorious for putting people on the spot - he ran around all day going 'I've got a secret!'

The show as a whole was much better than I expected. It was very professional, & the work everybody put in was obvious. A few things I haven't seen mentioned in other BEVRs: the dancers were terrific (I did yell 'keep your hands to yourself' when Brandi took her turn). So was the band. When Ruben introduced the musical director Clay fell to his knees (ah, if he knew how many gals would love to have him in that position...) & did a few 'we're not worthy.' Trenyce sang 'I Am Nothing' & dedicated it to Memphis, & K-Lo's OTR was as awesome as advertised.

The noise level jumped a good 20 decibels whenever Clay's pretty head appeared (not that one--but see below). CYFTLT was beautiful--I like to think mine was the 1st scream when the band struck the 1st chord. During TLS several in my section started a unison sway, with red glowsticks, flashlights, & 1 lady with a light-up red rose. Clay came to our side of the stage, paused, looked & pointed. 'I think he saw us!' Mom squealed. I have never to my knowledge heard my mother squeal. Clay does things to people.

At last, I gathered myself for the moment I'd really been waiting for: Invisible. My computer sucks & I haven't gotten a CD of the leaked tracks yet, so this was virgin (tee hee) territory for me. Clay reappeared, in a Univ. of TN Big Orange jersey (not my fave, but I can forgive him even that). He talked a bit about his album, which he now says is due in Sept (hope hope). Then they hit it & the music was so loud I couldn't get most of the ding dang lyrics!! Anybody who has them please send them to me. Help a sistah out, willya? That said, the performance was phenomenal. There is no reason that song shouldn't be a monster hit. Seeing Clay rock out for the 1st time on a song of his own was beyond words' power to describe. He worked the house like a man possessed. Clutches & knee bends abounded. I swear after 1 clutch, he gestured to the Broads in front as if to say 'there's 1 for you.' Jersey tuck framed the package like curtains frame a stage. Oh, my. The Silken Stallion, indeed. The Pyramid went wild. For those minutes, it was no longer AI2 live, it was Clay Aiken in concert, & 1 of those rare moments when audience & performer form a synergistic loop of energy, feeding off each other, driving each other higher.

Drained, I staggered from my seat. I was all for finding Broads, but Mom was coughing again. WWCD? We headed for the car. Thought we were lost going back to the motel, but miraculously turned right onto the correct street. The evening was capped by a stop at the market next to the motel for Krispy Kremes in Clay's honor.

To sum up: the poem RainJane wrote about Clay being a force of nature was dead on. I stood at times with my mouth hanging open like a tornado was tearing across the stage. The way Sweet-Funny-Considerate-Silly Clay coexists with Sultry-Sexy-Intense Clay just takes your breath. On the few occasions I tore my eyes from him to look at the screen, his expressions and movements changed with every song as if he inhabited the person in the song. One day I want to see him do some serious acting. Till then, can I survive 2 hours of Clay live? If not, I'll die with a smile on my face & a word of thanks in my heart for 1 of the best ideas God ever had.

I was meant to be there, all right.

Nuff said.

Lisa M.


-Note from Nelle: You, too, can participate in the LBFCA Summer Series, and have your Broad's Eye View Report, or, for any other Brude's out there, your Summary of Clay, about Clay's Summer Concert Tour on the LBFCA Main Page. Just send it to Nelle via email, and she'll post it ASAP. (If you are a lurker, or otherwise wish to remain anonymous, just let me know that in your email). Don't worry about your BEVR not being the same size or looking the same as anyone elses. Here at LBFCA we celebrate diversity. Every BEVR is unique. This is your personal experience of witnessing what Katynka so gloriously described as "a little hockey-jersey-clutchin,' white-leather-wearin,' DTTR revealin,' mic-flickin,' thigh-strokin,' eye-f***ing, smokin,' jokin,' singin,' hunk-o-burnin' libido."

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