2003-09-17
11:01 p.m.

Broadmuda Triangle: Robin

The Broadmuda Triangle

2003

*Lecherous Broad: a woman belonging to a particular category or group, given to or suggestive of lechery

*Triangle: a polygon having three sides

*Please note the 3 sides of my particular triangle:

Side 1: I find �The Cheese��. again

Side 2: I fall madly in love with Clay Aiken.

Side 3: I am Broad, hear me roar!!!!

Many theories have been given to explain the extraordinary mystery and strange magnetic field surrounding one Clayton H. Aiken. I, like others before me, have my own theory. It revolves around 3 particular events that this year, my 40th, bestowed upon me. But I must go back a little further in order to present my theory properly and effectively.

I have always, since early childhood, been a T.V. freak, no�a T.V. GEEK! I loved it. More than that, I LIVED IT. I WAS Laura Ingalls. I had a passionate love affair with Gilligan (what�s wrong with Gilligan), Mork (what was hell was I thinking?), Greg Brady (actually Bobby was cutest, but he was too young! Wait�did I say TOO YOUNG?) and Keith Partridge (come on, now he was HOT).

I had many guest appearances on American Bandstand and I was annually crowned Miss America. My obsession always included the wonderful but often short lived (I now know why) variety shows such as; The Captain and Tennille, Sonny & Cher, Tony Orlando and Dawn and Donnie & Marie.

Eventually John-Boy Walton (whom I had a crush on BUT STILL wanted him as my brother�so yes, I was sick at an early age!) and Mary Ingalls (who eventually lost her sight *sniff,sniff*) grew up and left home�. and so did I.

As my life evolved, I was forced to all but abandon my T.V. fixation and concentrate on RL things such as marriage and children. For 18 years, my life was consumed by a need to make my family HAPPY and ding dang it, WE WERE! Yet there was always a tiny nagging void in the far depths of my being. The television(s) was a constant reminder of days gone by. At times, I could swear I heard The Fonz call out to me as I passed by �the tube�, arms loaded with dirty laundry��. �Heeeeeeeeeeeey�! Yes Fonz, I�m still here! And you are still just so ultra cool! (what do you expect, I told you I was a geek!)

As hard as it is to tear yourself away from that image�.. return with me now, to the present year. I have raised my children (well, they think so) and at times even my husband (believe me, I RAISED him, how do you think I got the children). And one day, out of the blue, I stumble across a bizarre occurrence�.I have time to do�. NOTHING! ABSO�FEAK�NLUTLEY NOTHING!!! Which brings me to the first point in my Triangle.

Point 1.

I find the cheese again:

I am a child of the 70�s! Cheese, cheese and more cheese! So when I saw advertisements for American Idol, I was FREAKING GIDDY! I watched the show weekly and I must admit, I enjoyed it. But looking back, I was never IN LOVE with it or with any of the contestants. I liked Kelly Clarkston�s sultry voice but no one really TOUCHED me! The fun came in watching the pathetic, outlandish and downright painful auditions. Beyond that, it was just a source of entertainment. But I had a weekly slice of cheesy Survivor, so�woop�dee�do!

January rolls around and the 6 city auditions begin. I had seen the montage of auditions clips and knew they had found the best of the worst! Boy George seemed classy in comparison to some of the fame hungry clowns that paraded out for Sl***n to ridicule. I thoroughly enjoyed it! On January 28th, when they aired the Atlanta auditions, all that changed. My life changed. The cheese seemed to slip through my hands and land right in my, um�lap! Out walks this tall, skinny, red headed (was that red?) drink of southern water. I had to laugh. My daughter and I said, �How cute is he!� Then he opens his mouth! I was back on the farm with John-Boy! YEEEHA!

Something in the far reaches of my, um, womanhood awoke! I mean, not that it was SOUND ASLEEP, but it had been caught napping A LOT lately! I knew that the old �Keith Partridge� crush was BACK! Only THIS time, my body knew what it could do about it! YEEEHA! (again!)

The judges liked his voice, but NOT his look! I guess those size 13 ��s were a little threatening for Mr. Man Boobs and his pet Dawg! When you�re sitting there wearing a woman�s size 5...it can get ugly!

Speaking of getting ugly�.Clay gets cut! And I was really shocked that he did not make it. But I am also aware that Paula felt the same little spasm in her chasm, when he sang�so I just knew he�d be called back for the wildcard show. Then when she did not pick him�I understood why! America had voted for him! Yeah�they all felt the spasm!

Once he was in, I made it my personal goal to crown him America�s Idol! He was cute, he could sing and he didn�t grab his crotch! Although, I thought about doing that�and the thought would not go away!

Point 2.

I fall madly in love with Clay Aiken:

I found myself rushing home from work every Tuesday and Wednesday night to watch him. He was just so unbelievably cute! And so unbelievably YOUNG and I was feeling all kinds of unbelievable guilt! Still, Tuesdays and Wednesdays�my family knew to

1. Fix their own dinner

2. Do not disturb mom!

3. DO NOT DISTRURB MOM!!!!!!!!

I bee lined it to the bedroom and locked the door! I wanted time with Clay ALL TO MYSELF! I had fallen in love. It was like a weekly scene from Jerry Maguire�he had me at, �Ai, uh, Ai�m the American Idol�. Each time he walked out (or glided out) onto the stage my heart leapt from my chest! He sang to me!

He Built Me Up but not like any ding dang Buttercup! It was volcanic! (is that a word?) When he sang To Love Somebody�the volcano erupted and the embers were seen for miles!

So when did I become a Broad�well Point 2 intertwines with Point 3, so now we have to go back�but I won�t bring up The Fonz ever again! I promise!

Point 3

I am a Broad, hear me roar!:

I needed more information on this Clay Aiken guy! I was/am not very computer savvy but I attempt to search for Clay tid-bits (ooooh, Clay�s Tid-Bits!). Believe it or not, LBFCA was the first thing I clicked on. I saw Clay and Lecherous and was fascinated. I read the MP and laughed my �budding Broad� butt off! These chicks (note: I was not in the Broad frame of mind yet) were hysterical. They all seemed mega hip (much hipper than me) and were in love/lust with Clay too! Of course being the loser that I was, I had NO IDEA there was a guest book! I visited a few more times before I finally realized there was MORE! I read the PP like they were sacred. I knew this site was the best place in the whole wide world and I took up residency!

When they started talking about Buses, I had to get a seat. My first post was April 18, 2003 @ 4:52 pm. I asked it I could come aboard and this was the response:

Welcome to Bus #2, my child...

from Lisa

[email] [homepage]

5:03 pm - Friday, April 18, 2003

That was it! I was officially a Broad! During AI2, I spent every night, especially every Tuesday and Wednesday night (AFTER 9), with the Broads. They were as addictive as Clay! I laughed with them and even cried with them. I remember having to call Sarah (who lives in Kansas) at work so I could tell her what number Clay was! She HAD to vote! We really did not know each other�but we were joined at the hip by Clay Love and Broad glue! That�s just how it was/is! You help/helped a Broad in need!

When the AI2 ended and the concert tour started, I was able to experience each show by dabbling with a BEVR. I was even fortunate enough to share 2 of my own! (I never knew I had 2 BEVRs) And in the process I found 2 Atlanta Broads (Erin & Amber) that I am proud to call friends! I found that I preferred Hotdogs (and Wendy) over �cheese�! I could handle work as a Ranch Hand and I even found a part time job at a local magazine! But more than that�I made me some awesome friends all over the country! Friends that were just as crazy as I was/am! Some of whom I would claim were family! And I never had to feel guilty again! (well, there was that one time with Tony�but it was worth it!)

So, in a nut shell, (wait, Clay�s allergic to nuts)�..So�..my life boils down to this�I am a wife, I am mother, I am Broad! My triangle is complete. I love Clay for being the incredible person that he is and for the incredible people he brought into my life!

Robin

Lecherous Broad Since 4/2003