2003-09-22
12:33 p.m.

Broadmuda Triangle: Julie

I've never been what most would consider "normal". For example, people have often been surprised by my age. When I was a freshman in high school, I was constantly being asked if I was a senior who transferred from another school. In my early college years, I was often mistaken for what they used to call a "non-traditional student" (someone who had gone *back* to school at an older age). And then when I hit 30, suddenly people were shocked to learn that I wasn't a 22-year-old recent UT grad. I thought that maybe I'd passed my prime.

How could my life, although not "normal", have become so domestic? Okay, so I got married and wasn't going out dancing every weekend. So my friends and I had stopped "putting on shows" (a la the Andy Hardy movies) to entertain and occupy ourselves. So I hadn't gone to a sci-fi convention in a while to watch people far geekier than myself strolling the halls, while causing fanboys to worshipfully fall to their knees. (I may not be the most stunning beauty the world has ever seen, but to geeky guys, I'm a GODDESS.) People at work weren't clamoring for stories of my wild weekends every Monday morning, because I didn't really have stories anymore. But what could fill that void?

Obsession is not a new thing for me. Anyone who walks into my house can see the remnants of my past (less strong, but never gone) obsessions...my Spinal Tap lunchbox, the pictures of Xena and Gabrielle hanging in my kitchen, my enormous music and movie collections, Peanuts tchotchkes, Mayan artwork and books, pieces of costumes I've made over the years, the 1976 KISS tour poster in my bedroom...all very much a part of who I am. I'm a pop-culture *freak*, just ask the Bob's Big Boy bank adorning my dining room buffet. (On second thought, don't ask him...he can't talk, sillyhead! He's made of *plastic*!)

I guess I was ripe for a new obsession. It had been a while since something had really tickled my fancy. Would it be a TV show I would have to tape every week? Might it be a new cute boy to drool over? Could it be a singer with a voice direct from God herself?

On the morning of April 4th, I awoke from a most lovely dream. In this dream, I was walking through a tree-lined neighborhood (the kind I always saw in movies but never lived in), hand in hand with a beautiful young man. We were talking and giggling as we walked, and occasionally stopped to gaze into each other's eyes, and he would grasp my other hand as he turned towards me as if holding just the one hand wasn't enough for him. It was absolutely wonderful. I don't suppose I have to tell you who the guy was, huh? ;o)

I couldn't get him out of my head...and it felt strange. Sure, he was adorable in every way, and he was pretty much the only reason I'd continued to watch American Idol after FrenchieGate...but this was the first time I'd realized he had grabbed hold of my subconscious! I had to know more about him...off to the internet I went, looking for anything and everything I could find!

Most of the sites I found were average at best. Pictures, files...all nice, but no pizzazz. But I kept looking at that Yahoo Search Results page, at this site that appeared to be someone's weblog...the writer there was referencing another site she knew about with a name that intrigued me...Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken? Me likee the sound of that!::clicky clicky::

This was a very long time ago...back then, the search engines knew naught of the LBFCA. It was a tiny enterprise, a silly side-project dreamed up by some fantastic women with great taste in men.

I began to read the main page, which on that day was the famous SARS article that Chandra had written. I became instantly ecstatic, because I had found exactly what I needed! Intelligent, mature women who had been afflicted with the same obsession I had, and had found themselves reverting to the mind of squealing little girls with the latest issue of Tiger Beat. Women who had all the same thoughts about him that I was having...the voice, those eyes, those eyelashes, that smile, the great hugs, that genuine humility, that dorkiness that always makes guys cuter than they will ever realize...I knew I had found my home.

There were 22 pages of guestbook then. I devoured the lot and knew I had to add to it. Quickly (yes, it's true...before I got comfy here I was oddly brief in my posts!) mentioned my dream and...well, I'll just show you:

Oh my...I just woke up from a dreamy dream about my adorable little Clay. I can't stand it...when I was his age, I was only interested in older men, but now that I'm an older woman, I'm finding myself getting gushy over gorgeous young lads like Clay. My god, he's a little bit of perfection. I so desperately want to put him in my pocket and save him for later...

After less than a half hour, Founding Broad Lisa responded with a "Bah ha HA!", and said the bit about putting him in my pocket was "right up there with Alastair's 'delectable little teacozy' line." Ahhh...the warm hug of home. These were my people, and Clay was my Secret Boyfriend. Life was good.

(Wonderful welcoming emails from some Broads, Sandi and Judy in particular, soon graced my Inbox, and close friendships began to blossom!)

The thing that struck me the most about the Broads was level of discourse. By the gods, you don't see that kind of writing just *anywhere* on the internet! Intelligent women with vocabularies who weren't afraid to use them (and the Brudes who love them...on the next Montel), creativity galore, and snark out the proverbial wazoo. GOD, I love this place!

I remember those early days all so well...the strangeness of the dalliance with Carmen (oh my god, it's the most uncomfortable thing to relive whenever I venture back through the Purple Pages!), the excitement of Billy Joel week (for me, anyway, being the big BJ fan that I am...shut up Erin!), being insanely jealous over Sarah's first ClayDream...and then the moment that would define me in the Purple Pages for months...

April 19th, 9:27am. I had just bought my copy of the People Extra and was feeling Extra lecherous. Tell Her About It was still bringing me great pleasure, and I was so inspired by that delicious display of Baby's neck that I shared one of my secret fantasies...it involved giving gentle and loving instruction in regards to stage movement (won�t elaborate here...it's all out there if you want it!), and before I knew it, Broads everywhere were taking cold showers and smoking cigarettes! I never knew I had it in me...but when ya gots it, ya gots it! ;o)

The more I found myself in that heady mixture of love and lust with My Dearest Darling, the more randy my writing became. I was so comfortable writing for such a receptive audience that it never really occurred to me who else might be reading...until a friend at work (who would eventually come to be known as "Clayvert Linda") decided to visit the website I�d been going on and on about...and said I was the "nastiest one there"! MOI?? She cited my most recent post as an example of my nastiness...but added that it was her favorite thing I'd ever written:

...I come from a long line of jug-eared hillbillies, so I would *never* hold Clay's ears against him...unless, perhaps, it was with my inner thighs.

Yup, Julie had found her niche. Naughty but nice. Lechery supreme. I would now challenge myself to, as Baby would say, "bring it" every day. I would find ways to slip subtle ribaldry into everything I wrote, sometimes so subtle it would fly right past people...but that�s okay. And the requests for fantasy replays kept rolling in, and I tried to oblige the best I could. As my subconscious started rewarding me with more and more ClayDreams, I would post them as well...with the exception of one which has still gone publicly unshared...although I did send it to a couple Special Broads via email to brighten up their days. Y'all know I'm all about sharing the sunshine!

And then, one day when I thought I would never learn how to make paragraph breaks, I started putting squiggly lines into my posts to break them up. My writing now SPREAD WIDE across the Purple Pages. And the rest, as they say, is Broad History.

But I like to think I served a nice purpose as well...during AI, when the Broads wanted to send Clay protective and healing light, I began an almost-daily ritual of writing a Clayvotional. (one of the only words I'll stick his name into, you'll notice...DON�T GET ME STARTED!!) I still send him loving wishes every chance I get, and I hope he enjoys those warm fuzzies as much as I do. ;o)

So much has gone on here in so little time. I can't imagine going through the AI experience without the support and insight of the LBFCA. Once the show was over, there was some concern as to what we might talk about, but with Baby's single, various TV and radio appearances, and the anticipation of the summer concert tour (and the subsequent creation of the BEVR, one of the most inspired and lucrative things the Broads have ever done!), we never had anything to worry about. And then the most amazing thing happened...we had long wondered if Baby was reading this website, because certain occurrences just seemed too bizarre to be coincidental (primarily his outfit for Diane Warren week...how was it possible that he wore the exact outfit a Broad had wished for in the Purple Pages?), but how could we know for sure that he was even aware of us?

This is how. And it was only the beginning!

Suddenly we were famous. Sure, we'd been mentioned in USA Today while AI was still on, and the Charlotte paper was aware of us, but that radio interview spread across the ClayNations like wildfire...and set a few fires along the way. Things would never be the same again.

I miss the Founding Broads and hope they're still out there checking in every so often. They created something really special here, and I only hope they enjoy what their baby has grown into. (No, not *that* Baby...*this* baby! We all know how they feel about what Baby�s grown into!)

I'm so proud to be a part of this website and this group of incredible women. Looking into the future, when My Dearest Darling is the brightest star in the Playtone Galaxy (see, I told you I'm a geek...if you don't know what movie that's from, look it up!) and the Broads are still going strong, I'll still be here, driving people nuts with my long-winded blathering, making people uncomfortable with my never-to-be-humble opinions, driving women to distraction with a well-placed bit of imagery, telling people to look stuff up... ;o)

While Clayton's other fans are out there "keeping" things and numbering themselves, the Broads will be here as we always have been...young hearts beating in old-ish bodies, loving a man who has led us to more joy and friendship than he will ever realize.

-- Julie