2003-10-05
11:51 p.m.

Brudemuda Triangle: Joe featuring "Claylicious"

Let me first start by saying that I am not in love with Clay Aiken. Neither am I in lust with him. Nor do I have any wish to perform lewd acts upon him, although I do know all the names of the guys on the show �Queer Eye for the Straight Guy�.

With that being said it all started as I was just floating along in troubled waters in my chicken wire canoe, wearing nothing but my sexy brudemuda shorts, I was unwillingly sucked into the abyss. I cannot say that it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me because at least I knew that I would be in the company of my wonderful significant other, Erin.

You see it really all started with her. Erin was the one that watched the show religiously, voted, fell in love, blah, blah, blah. As for this sexy beast of a man I will concede that I did vote a few times. Ok, 162 times, but there was nothing else on TV that night. All of my testosterone shows usually don�t come on until late.

Over the next few months all I hear is �Let me do your hair, honey� and �Maybe you should think about getting contacts.� Now I know what you�re thinking, �For the love of Speedo�s, man grow a set.� Not a problem here. No, I put my foot down on plenty occasions, it just got coaxed back up a little when Erin said these words to me. �Honey if you look like Clay, women will throw themselves at you.� Now don�t get me wrong it isn�t like I don�t already have to beat them off with the magic stick as it is, but as they say happiness is in numbers. The forces of the triangle had taken its toll and there would be no turning back.

I cannot really recall the first time I heard the words Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken. Erin had told me about talking to groups of people on the computer who were just as obsessed as she was. All I could think was �Boy, I am in trouble.� I do remember one of the first times she told me about Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken I thought she said "Lesbians for Clay Aiken.� I thought to myself, �Well I don�t know what the hell one has to do with the other, but hey, I am open minded.�

I really did not get my first taste of Broadmania until the concerts started. Erin eventually explained everything to me and to make a long story short I found myself deeply entangled in a different Broad�s BEVR every few days. From then on out my taste for BEVR grew increasingly.

I would have to say that the true linchpin of it all was making my journey to my first concert. I can�t really say what the hell I was thinking when I agreed to do it, nor why I needed to travel across the country to do it, but in the end it was worth it. I got to meet some incredible Broads, including the Goddess herself, Nelle, as well as many more who spent the night stroking my ego. I was also given the honorary opportunity to whip out my very own SOC. The broads allowed me to showcase it amongst your juicy BEVR�s and stroked my ego even more with your comments. Nice stroking action ladies. With this the addiction had set in. Not an addiction to Clay mind you, but rather an addiction to the Broads. The triangle had coaxed me in with images of panty flinging women and not just any women, but older women, succulent BEVR�S, and rock star fame. Now my skinny white a** was being sucked in quicker and with more power than a Hoover 12amp Power Vac.

Now don�t go getting all bent out of shape. I do like Clay and his music just not as much as my real life girlfriend does. Despite my prejudices and preconceived notions I actually enjoy the guy. I just, and let me reaffirm this, have no sexual desire for him and/or obsession. However, like it or not a certain part of my life is now fixated with this man whom I do not even know. Believe it or not it�s not as bad as I had imagined it to be. I am having a hell of a good time and am not looking for it to end anytime soon. To this I owe to my overly obsessed, overly sexed, boyfriend-depriving-girlfriend and all of my Broads.

So now I sit floating along in my chicken wire canoe with no floaties to hold my little arms and head above water. Seeing as how I can�t swim and am scared to death of any water that goes above my ankles I can tell I don�t have long left. Thank goodness I have a rather large naturally attached flotation device that I can hold onto for a little while. However, I don�t know how long it will stay inflated.

The normalcy that I knew as my life before the broads is almost no more. Nevertheless, I don�t think it will be so bad here in the triangle. I still have Erin, Nelle, and Robin as well as the rest of the Broads to whom I have come to know and love because of this triangle. I also hear that inside the triangle the streets are paved with purple pages and at the end of each one lies a fresh BEVR just waiting to be dove into. I have found a place with happiness, excitement, and lust, unfortunately just not for me. I will not be deterred though. Rock Star Joe has the power to hypnotize with his microphone. You ain�t seen nothing like me yet.

In all honesty though I do want to take the time to thank the Broads for allowing me to peer in from time to time and put my two cents in. I had a blast squeezing my big ol� SOC in amongst all of your scrumpdillicious BEVR�S.

Just for the record I still claim to be insane. Any man who knowingly feels secure as his girlfriend openly announces and proclaims her love for another man has to be a few slices short of a full loaf. However, despite my jealousy I wouldn�t trade her for anything in the world. At least we�re here in paradise together.

Next stop: Broad Island.

For your inter-triangular entertainment: the one, the only, Clayilicious Rock Star to the Broads!

Clayilicious to the music of Bootylicious by Joe

Erin can you handle this?
Robin can you handle this?
Broads can you handle this?
I don�t think they can handle this!

Took their breath when I arrived.
All Clay-ed up lookin fly.
Hair flat ironed, Diesels on.
Come on Broads toss me them thongs.
Got this gig down to a �t.�
Come on Broads now can you handle, can you handle me.

You gotta do much better if ya want the wink.
You gotta sweeten me up with some Krispy Kremes.
So watch me lick my lips carefully.
Broads I know that you like what you see.
So watch me thrust my hips to the left and then the right.
I got ya going so good you�re thinking �This is the Night�.

I don�t think you�re ready for this package.
I don�t think you�re ready for this package.
I don�t think you�re ready for this.
Cause my body�s too Clayilicious for ya babe.

I don�t think you�re ready for this package.
I don�t think you�re ready for this package.
I don�t think you�re ready for this.
Cause my body�s too Clayilicious for ya babe.

Broads, can you handle this?
Broads, can you handle this?
Broads, can you handle this?
I don�t think you can handle this!

I am about to break you off a move from Grease.
Trying hard, trying to tease
Grab my white t-shirt with a clutch
Oh my broads I hope it�s not too much.
Whisper �Invisible� in your ear.
Broads you all know where it goes from here.
Looking back you all blow me a kiss, but broads I don�t think you can handle this.

I don�t think you�re ready for this package.
I don�t think you�re ready for this package.
I don�t think you�re ready for this.
Cause my body�s too Clayilicious for ya babe.

I don�t think you�re ready for this package.
I don�t think you�re ready for this package.
I don�t think you�re ready for this.
Cause my body�s too Clayilicious for ya babe.

I�ll take advantage of this Clay thing while I can.
Rock Star Joe is a Lecherous Broads� man.
I just can�t help but wonder why.
What it is about skinny white boys that catches your eyes.

Gonna shake this package at every chance.
Even got the DTTR thing, just take a glance.
So Broads put your signs down and come and see.
That is if you think you can handle me.

I don�t think you�re ready for this package.

I don�t think you�re ready for this package.
I don�t think you�re ready for this.
Cause my body's to Clayilicious for ya babe.

-Rock Star to the Broads Joe
(Posted by Erin)