2003-11-16
8:50 p.m.

Boost Your Energy with MOAM

LBFCA is confident that Clay Aiken is interested in the health and well-being of his fans.

This is the look of a man who cares about us!

Clay has been heard on the radio urging a hyperventilating fan to "breathe for me honey," and he has graciously expressed concern for the heart health of some of his, um, more mature fans. In honor of The Voice and the Totality of Goodenss of Clayton Aiken Day, LBFCA is pleased to present this health advisory for all of Clayton's fans.

Measure Of A Man Energy-Boosting Plan

By Lecherous Broad Robin

If you can't function in the morning without gallons of coffee, and you run out of oomph every afternoon, then the MOAM Energy Boosting Plan is for you.

With the MOAM Energy Boosting Plan, instead of relying on caffeine, or a trip to the vending machine, for a fleeting burst of artificial energy, you choose Clay Aiken to Rev up your Engine.
(LBFCA recommends you consult your physician prior to implementing any new health practices...or something like that, we're trying to make this sound official.)

Here's how to make the MOAM Energy Boosting Plan work for you.

Daily Schedule:

The right combination of Shine, Touch and Perfect Day listened to at regular intervals on a daily basis will help keep your energy levels high. This part of the plan includes indulging in each song to boost your energy throughout the day. You will be amazed at how the "tingle in your jingle" will get you going, and getting there IS half the fun!

Listening to Invisible and When You Say You Love Me will help keep your blood-sugar levels even so that you don't have energy 'highs' and 'lows'. This section of The Plan includes enjoying tasty MOAM combinations every 15 to 20 minutes to keep your energy level from falling. You don't want to let this high go limp, so go ahead and do it often.

Not drinking enough liquids can cause you to feel fatigued due to dehydration. That's why The MOAM Energy Boosting Plan includes I Will Carry You and Run To Me with every meal choice, rather than ultra-sugary sodas or sweetened beverages! This will get the juices flowing and help hydrate the essential body parts! You want to stay as moist and hydrated as possible.

Eating fried or fatty foods can make you feel sluggish. I Survived You and No More Sad Songs emphasizes natural, orgasmic, I mean, organic sounds that won't slow you down.

Before retiring for the evening, make a habit of listening to This Is The Night, The Way, and Measure of a Man to ensure a satisfying night's sleep.

Snacks:

Healthy snacks are a natural part of The MOAM Energy Boosting Plan.

Listen to one of the songs from Clay's album mid-morning, mid-afternoon and in the evening if you're still hungry and active.

Remember to play MOAM every 1 to 2 hours throughout the day to keep energy levels high. Although you may find that if you OVER indulge in snacking, you will create a reverse effect and feel a deep concentrated hunger; an almost ravenous reaction. If this occurs, hold your head back, close your eyes and lick your lips while repeating, "I think I have had enough for now". It may take several tries but persistence always wins.

Healthy Do's and Don'ts:

Do:
~While listening to MOAM, drink plenty of water - at least eight glasses every day, a wet Broad is better than a dry Broad!

Do:
~Take a daily multivitamin supplement. You'll need it! Staying up until dawn to listen to MOAM might work against your MOAM Energy Boosting routine.

Do:
~Limit alcohol to no more than one drink per day at the most...if you are intoxicated while listening to MOAM, good things can happen which could later lead to unexpected population increases, police arrests and even jail time! The food served in jail is extremely tasteless but does have a high volume of cholesterol.

Do:
~Eat a piece of fruit if you're craving something sweet. Clay is NOT going to knock on your door. Trust me. I've been waiting.

Do:
~The Nek'kid Happy Dance as a daily exercise regimen (purple tassels or electric bra optional).

Don't:
~Skip MOAM during any given day or night!

Don't:
~Eat fried foods and other foods high in fat (chips, onion rings, fried fish, etc.) while listening to MOAM. You may get grease on the CD, or the poster!

Don't:
~Eat gravy and sauces while listening to MOAM. Again: the mess!

Don't:
~Drink beer, wine, alcohol, fizzy drinks or sweetened beverages (Snapple, Oasis, etc.) while listening to MOAM. Wait! Forget that....listen and drink all you want! Heck, have a pitcher of Martinis! (Marie & I do!)

Don't:
~Consume added sugar (in coffee, tea, cereal, etc.) while listening to MOAM. It is sweet enough!

Don't:
~Eat white bread and crackers while listening to MOAM. Eat Play-Doh instead!

Summary

Now that you know the basics of the MOAM Energy Boosting Plan, you can relax and enjoy yourself, which will take the pressure to perform off Clay, and MOAM will be more enjoyable for both of you.

Created by Robin
Posted by Nelle