2004-01-10
8:50 a.m.

The Lost Necklace of Glendale

It's been a point of dissention amongst Broads and Clayfans everywhere. Was the cowry shell necklace a hideous error in judgement, a stinky woven mess that's just going to make his neck break out...or was it a deliciously subtle signal to women everywhere, driving them wild with desire by accentuating one of his most enjoyable features?

A little research into the cowry and its significance brings up some interesting tidbits...how the shells have served as a symbol of fertility and sexual potency in many cultures, ancient and otherwise, for example. Surely no Broad could deny the symbolism of such a shell, just as we embrace the vanilla bean (with both hands) and the undeniable message that the "throbbing Broad button" of the Build Me Up Buttercup backdrop was sending. (Look it up.)

But it may not even be necessary to delve into symbolism here, because, while interesting, it takes us away from one Very Important Fact...Clayton has a seriously hot neck. Anything that adorns it, that draws more attention to it, can only serve to heighten its power over us.

And remember, he was far more willing to show a little neck (not to mention upper chest!) back in the days when he wore that bit o' jewelry. Ah'm just sayin'. ;o)

Does the recent buzzing (battery-powered or natural) amongst the Broads over the reappearance of GLASSES indicate a desire to revisit his earlier look? We've got the sideburns back, his hair seems to be a bit redder than we've seen it in a while, and then the glasses...we're only a shell necklace and a stripey shirt away from having Atlanta Clayton back. And this Broad finds that prospect terribly exciting.

ADDENDUM: Alas, when the above paragraph was written, Clayton was still sporting those gorgeous coppery runways of love...and now...*sigh*...I think I need to take a moment. Talk amongst yourselves.

So, as a token of my love for the Lost Necklace of Glendale, I give the Broads, and my beloved Clayton, this song...

Cowry Shells

(to the tune of Pearly Shells by Burl Ives,

lovingly rewritten by Julie)

Cowry shells
From the ocean
Hanging 'round his neck
Whisp'ring to me
When I see them
I want to grab them with my teeth
I'll always love those little cowry shells.

Although I love the hair and clothes and stuff
(He really looks incredible)
I wish he'd kept the sexy necklace that
Made his neck extra edible!

Cowry shells
How I miss them
Showing off his throat
Now they're no more
If he'd wear them
Wear them one more time for me
Show his love with little cowry shells

-- Julie (who would be more than willing to take that necklace off his hands if he didn't want it anymore, and who promises to treat it with the respect it deserves as a pre-stardom relic of the highest order)