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2004-02-08
9:29 p.m.
Quick! Minimize!
...the IT Department is Watching.
CLACK n. (blended: clay + crack)
Any and all media related to Clay Aiken.
CLACKING v.
The act of saving or keeping all media related to Clay Aiken.
Clacking is a fun pastime, we all know. How can you not love having this beautiful boy constantly on your screen, saving and savoring every tidbit of TV shows, radio interviews, print articles, fan pictures, animated GIFs and montages. You start worrying if 80 gigabytes is going to be enough to hold your ever-increasing collection.
But sadly, while clacking gives pleasure with one hand -- er, so to speak -- it takes with the other. It takes time, and lots of it. Clacking is so pleasant that it spills over into your time at work. Before you know it, you work computer has 300 files under "My Pictures" and you try to convince yourself it's just a few pictures for your screen saver.
The upside to clacking -- improved computer skills. At the very least, we've learned to program our VCRs. We've upgraded our cable, utilized DVRs to create screencaps and learned how to burn CDs and DVDs. Slow motion becomes your best friend when you turn a ten-second Saturday Night Live promo into a spellbinding seven-minute epic.
Well honey, you're going to need those new tech skills -- after they fire you for clacking all day. But speaking as one who is currently unemployed, they just may be doing you a favor.
(to the tune of "9 to 5")
Clayton in her head,
she stumbles to the 'puter
she says, "Boy, he can't get much cuter!"
Right-click and save --
downloading's become her life.
She gets herself to work
but it's barely on time
Clayton's on her screen
on the company dime!
Folks like her unproductive from nine to five
Clacking nine to five
not a way to make a living
Barely getting by
it's all saving and no working
T'would just blow their mind
the number of hours you couldn't credit
It's enough to get you fired if you let it
(oooh ooh-ooh oooh oooh)
Oh God I can't breathe, the boy is just so fine
His hair and lips, how I wish he was mine
but on my screen, he's only a touch away!
It's the same feeling with a lot of Clay Friends
hopin' that the boss will never come in
and tell you that you're through --
Pack a box gurrl, you're gone today!
Clacking nine to five
not a way to make a living
Barely getting by
it's all saving and no working
T'would just blow their mind
the number of hours you couldn't credit
It's enough to get you fired if you let it
Nine to five
watching Clayton in slow motion
If I keep this up, I ain't getting that promotion
Gotta keep my head
'cause the boss still hasn't caught me
He don't know why
I "need" that burner he bought me
Nine to five
my paranoia haunts me
It's a better life
dreaming that The Clayton wants me
It's a full time job
this getting what we're craving
But it ain't exactly appropriate behaving!
--Text and song rewrite lovingly done by Cella and Julie
--Pics by Julie
--Inspired by the beautiful and creative Champagne Room Broads
