Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2004-03-15
9:44 p.m.

BEVR: Jenny-O/Detroit, 3-11-04

Detroit: 3/11/04: Jenny-O OR The Night We VaVroomed Motor City

I won't go on and on about how purely virgin this BEVR may be. I just hope you enjoy it. Hopefully I can show it with the best of 'em.

Ah, Detroit. City of Smog and a thousand one way streets, a veritable puzzle for two seat-sore Canadians. My roommate Cheryl and I left at 9am to begin the 5-hour trek, fortified with Clack and coffee. I had my BIRD in hand, and my LBFCA shirt on. Detroit, here we come!

As we drove over the Ambassador Bridge, I indulged myself in a vision of a tall redhead at the guard booth. 'Ma'am, please get out of the car and place your hands on the bumper...' The Man can guard my borders anytime he wants. Alas, my fantasy melted into a skinny old man who rolled his eyes at us as he waved us through. *sigh* The tragic workings of an overly fertile mind are dangerous, y'know?

We soon managed to find and pick up Broad Ashes and her friends from JLA, and off we went. Arriving at Dee Orr's, a few Broads were MIA. Were they lost? Missing? Seducing Clay in his hotel room already? It turns out my phone had a tantrum and decided it wouldn't pick up signals in Detroit anymore. Never mind ticket b*stard, I had the original cellphone b*stard! MIA Broads notwithstanding, we ate, chatted, and then....

Zzzzip to:

Joe Louis Arena: Those Ranch cattle are tame as bunnies compared to the masses of people that stampeded for Clack. I managed to squeeze my way into the living tin can of Clay fans, and emerged triumphant with some good old loot. I'm still trying to blow-dry the center page of my program. After I popped up to the nosebleeds and gave my first tickets away, we sat down and met the mother/daughter team from Toledo next to us. They were a riot, so entertaining, and who knows? They may be brave enough to stop by sometime.

Then, out of the sea of humanity, I heard my name, and I looked up to see Lynda and her sister peering at us from the aisle. We exchanged hugs, grins, and introductions, and I found out that I didn't need to put in a missing person's report after all. St. Loo Broads, I know what you're getting! (nyah, nyah)

Skip ahead to:

House lights off. Purple lights on. The opening verse of Kyrie built...and built...and suddenly, the spotlights stabbed the audience, the arena went off like a time bomb, and 'O'! I heard pure m-m-m-magic! For all records, it was surreal experience.

(Surreal: characterized by fantastic imagery and incongruous juxtapositions; see below picture 'position')

I can't even remember what I felt like, other than the fact that my knees were shaking so hard I thought I'd have to sit down. The hand clenches, the soaring glory notes. The mic stand, O, god, the mic stand. ISY, the tie toss over the shoulder, the hopscotch dance steps with his singers as he gave us that side glance and endearing crooky grin like 'look at me, willya'?

I was undone... He was warm, endearing, funny, and sexy enough to burn the place down. I even found myself with tears on my cheeks during MOAM, and I emerged into intermission gratefully damp, shaken, and stirred.

Now, here's the part where Lynda became my Broad Idol, and put me in debt for toe-sucking sessions for months to come. The people in front of her left after Clay's set, and she ran back to me with their tickets. So, through Kelly's set and Open Arms, we found ourselves in row 9, transplanted from row 34. Open Arms began, and The Force carried me to the end of the aisle. In one famous Broad's own words: SLOSH.

The Unendurable Part � The End: Stuffing myself back into my very uncooperative and, by now, much fatigued body, we prepared to part ways. I wish with all my heart I was Meeting Broads in St. Louis, but as sure as Broads were meant to gather, there'll be another time and place. As we drove through the dark Ontario countryside sometime around 2 am, out from the void of the radio floated TITN, and all I could do was sit back with a silly grin on my face until we got home.

Credit all pictures except for my Loot goes to TLC0829 at the Clayboard- they're much better than mine!

-Jenny-O-

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