2004-04-08
10:08 p.m.

BEVR: JULIE AND CELLA / ST LOUIS : MARCH 21, 2004

Of Seats, Signs and Snacks

The Seats...

JULIE: Let's go back to the day of the special pre-sale. Jill calls me freaking out and says she got this email, and before you can say "You sang your face off, dawg" we're both online, trying to get seats. Long story short, we got three seats (for me, her, and Nelle), and found out later that the next three seats over would be inhabited by Karen Eh, Jannet, and Lynda! It was FATE. Those 13th row, Section A seats were faboo, and it was meant to be. (Besides, I'd been that close at a KISS concert before, and had meaningful eye contact with Gene Simmons from that distance...hey, who's making those gagging sounds out there?...so I was rarin' to go!)

CELLA: Ok, so I finally decide during the middle of February to go to St. Louis. Bought my plane ticket, had my sleeping arrangements made, now all I need is a ticket. The next five or six weeks were spent getting up at 8:30 every morning and checking that Mighty Monopoly, Ticketbas***d (hereinafter referred to as TB). Decent seats were impossible to find, much less good ones. I would check in with Jill every once in a while to see if she was having any luck and to contact me if she saw any. I started checking hourly the week before the concert, and by Friday, I was checking TB every ten minutes. When I wasn't on TB, I was on Ebay. Late Friday evening, I managed to have two hours somehow pass where I didn't check Ebay, and when I finally got back to searching there, SIX new auctions were up, four of which were "Buy It Now" auctions for sets of 7th and 8th row tickets they could email to me. No brainer? Not really, when there's also an auction up for one ticket in the fourth row. If that gal had put her auction up as a "Buy It Now," that ticket would've been mine. So, even though it's not quite kosher to do so, I emailed her, asking what she wanted for the ticket, because I wasn't going to be in St. Louis by the time the auction ended. Three hours passed and no reply.

Ok, so there I was at one o'clock in the frickin' morning � 14 hours before my plane leaves � up to my neck in "I'm so sick of this crap," AND STILL without a ticket. Fortunately, three of the "Buy It Now" auctions were still up, but the least expensive ones had already sold, which I later found out were purchased by Christina. I couldn't wait anymore and picked up two Section B, Row Seven tickets � the price was actually not bad for a broker, and I definitely didn't complain when we were seated.

I never anticipated buying TWO tickets, but the first thing I thought when I hit the submit button was I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL JULIE.

When she and Jill finally showed up at the hotel Sunday, I showed her the tickets. I thought by her squeals when she saw the tickets that she understood...

JULIE: I know that some of you think of me as a fairly intelligent woman, and usually I wouldn't argue with that, but let me prove you wrong for just a moment. Cella was saying all day how we'd be sitting together, I'd be sitting with her, she'd be sitting with me, tra la tra la. Does not compute. Not even a little bit. I can't imagine what Cella was thinking as I tripped merrily along, totally NOT GETTING IT. Earth to Julie...

Jannet even asked me "So where are you sitting?" and I said "Uh...with you." Dumbass.

But after all the fun at the Hard Rock, when we zipped back to the Sheraton for a bit, to grab my signs out of the trunk of Jill's car and drop off our purple bags of Broadfest fabulousness, it hit me. Cella and I were in the hallway, heading back down to the lobby to meet up with the gurrls, and it hit me. Cella had two tickets and one of them was MINE. I screamed and hugged her in complete disbelief.

But even then, at that moment, I didn't realize how HUGE this was. Neither of us did.

CELLA: Now, in Columbus, the rows were quite spread out. The first four rows were to the side of the catwalk, and Row Five was the first full row in front of the catwalk. In St. Louis, however, Row Six held that coveted position. We were in Row Seven � directly in front of the catwalk.

We were THIS CLOSE, people. I could see pupils.

Before Kelly came on, two young gals behind us tapped us on the shoulder and asked if we would get the attention of the older lady in front of us. They asked her if the two empty seats next to her were taken. We let them know that their seats were going to be JUST FINE. It turns out they were a (very young) mom and her 10 year old daughter, who was a huge Kelly fan. We reassured them that their seats were great, and we'd stay seated during Kelly's set, and, if need be, it was ok for them to tap us and we'd gladly lean so they could see better.

During most of Kelly's performance, the two gals held up a "CAN I HAVE A HUG, KELLY" sign. Twice, a security guard asked them to put it down, but they persevered. Toward the end of her set, Kelly looked at them standing and said, "You've been holding that sign up all this time. Come on up here." The ten year old handled it well and wasn't fangirly at all � I think she was ecstatic and stunned at the same time! Two event staff picked her up and Kelly gave her a big hug around the neck.

Mom and daughter � if you're reading this, send Julie or me an email! We've been trying to contact you but your email address isn't working!

JULIE: After Kelly's set was done, and we'd squealed a lot with the girls behind us, I was informed by an ecstatic Broad that I'd appeared not once, but TWICE on the Jumbotron during Kelly's set, once while singing along with A Moment Like This, and once while clapping. (I'm afraid I cannot identify this Broad because the news stunned me so much that my mind blanked out almost everything about it. Perhaps she'll come forward and identify herself?) Although I have been reassured that I looked lovely, I am simply horrified at the thought of my noggin blown up to gigantic proportions like that. The world does not need that. The citizens of St. Louis do not need that. I'm just glad I didn't see it for myself, because the nightmare would haunt me forever.

CELLA: I'm sorry, call me a famewhore if you must, but if YOU were on the Jumbotron TWICE, and I was sitting NEXT to you...how come I...? The cameraman must've really liked you.

JULIE: Pfffft. ;o)

The Signs...

CELLA: Clayton � oh, Sweet Jesus, what hasn't already been said or captured on video. The full-frontal gutteral groans I first heard coming from me in Memphis finally showed up again. Just one hour of GAAHs and GASPs and UNGHs. Considering we were able to be clearly seen from stage, and since the older people in front of us sat most of the time, we were a couple of lucky, lucky Broads. I don't believe either of us got an EF, but what we did get was what I like to call a "barrage of glances." I distinctly remember Julie and I having this conversation back and forth numerous times during Clayton's performance:

Have I mentioned yet that we had FAN-FRICKIN'-TASTIC seats??

JULIE: Okay, signage. There was just no way I was gonna show up in St Loo without signs. I'd already decided I'd have one that said "You. Me. Bath." (if you don't know why, ask me some other time) I'd also decided before Jill and I made the trip up to St Loo that I'd put "Put It On!! Put It On!!" on the back of that one, in Cella's honor, since I didn't know what sort of tickets, if any, she'd manage to get for herself, since she was still ticketless when I'd left Austin.

Then I'd decided I wanted a special sign for Quiana, because I just love her so, and Angela has been getting so much attention. (She gets to rub up on Clayton every dang night...talk about the woman who has everything!) I'd decided on "Luv Ya Q", with a big fancy Q, and then I put "Jacob" in fabulous script on the back (with a pink heart in the space at the end). Little did I know that would be THE sign!

Now, I'd flashed Jacob his sign a little during Kelly's set, and he smiled and pointed at me, but that just wasn't going to do. Since I knew he sang Fields of Gold with Clay during the acoustic bit, that was when I'd make my move. I put my sign up in front of my chest (no obnoxious over-the-head crap for me!), and patiently held it there. A couple times during FOG, I felt like maybe...did Clay just?...is he?...and then...

Watch your downloaded video clips of FOG...see Clay getting Jacob's attention? See him pointing, then Jacob laughing and pointing and giving me a little victorious fist pump while Clay smiles? That's mine, bay-bee!!

So When I Need You starts, and I flip that puppy around. Who cares if this is a Quiana-heavy song or not, Clay's already looking over here! This is my moment! When that one's done...check your clips...he taps Quiana on the thigh and directs her attention towards me, and she waves.

Julie spikes the football and begins her touchdown dance, which involves a lot of tassel action and working the goalpost. We now take this opportunity to remind readers that the LBFCA is not intended for children.

(As of this writing, I know only that the Q/J sign did go on the road with some other Broads, who were going to hold it up at subsequent concerts�don't have the details on that right now. If you saw the sign at a show, let me know!)

But what else can we say about this show? Of course Clay was stunning and brilliant and funny, and you'll hear all about it from a gazillion other Broads. But I can share with you some truly wonderful pictures that Lila took from her seat in the 2nd row.

JULIE: I'm wearing one just like it in my Grand Prairie BEVR.

CELLA: Stop being such a famewhore, Julie, he already saw you twice, not to mention the jumbotron!

JULIE: Oh, you SO wish you were as famous as me.

CELLA: Bite my donut, Julie. And speaking of snacks...

The Post-Claytal Snacks...

CELLA: Houlihan's � good food. Gregory � good waiter. A fine little hard-bodied 20 year old morsel of a waiter, he was.

Only the last shreds of our scruples kept our estrogen-soaked libidos from tossing him in my purse and taking him back to the Sheraton. (Jill, we would've shared.) Being happily-married women and all, we had to keep reminding ourselves that Gregory wasn't on "The List."

But we definitely weren't the only estrogen-soaked libidos in Houlihan's. The younger Broads were getting as much mileage as possible with him. We know darn well there's a boatload of Broads that got their pictures taken with Gregory � you know who you are, fork over the pictures! (Cha Cha has a lot of them, but we know there are more!)

He could do no wrong with us, but really, he was a very pleasant and helpful waiter. We had decided to buy and share a number of different little desserts. Julie can describe that best, so I'll let her.

JULIE: Oh yes, please...allow me! We asked him for suggestions from the dessert menu, and he recommended a couple different ones. But the one that was truly GAAAH inspiring was the strawberry cheesecake. You see, Gregory told us that, while it's normally served with whipped cream on top, what he likes to do is put a scoop of vanilla ice cream on it...and then he proceeded to describe in great detail how you get some of the ice cream and some of the cheesecake in each bite, and how creamy it is (yes, darlin'...tell me again...only slower and with your shirt off), and I looked right at Lila and said, rather loudly as I recall, "Now, THIS is a guy who knows how to talk to women!"

Cella: Ah yes, those desserts were faboo. Anyway, by the end of the night, things had slowed down and we finally got our chance to talk with him. Lila and I were standing, talking to Gregory, and Lila told him he was a good sport for putting up with all the women and the pictures. I interjected and said I hoped nobody pinched his butt or anything, to which Gregory replied, "Oh yeah, I did like six times!" (Believe me, he didn't sound at all like he was complaining.) Aghast, Lila said "Really?" and he teased her, saying, "I think it was you." "No way," Lila replied, to which Gregory moved his hips toward her and insisted, "Then you have to pinch me now." Lila moved over toward him, and with no fanfare, the deed was done.

Oh well, at least I got to touch him in the pictures we took. Wish I didn't look like a crazy lady, but for some reason, Julie really likes that picture. Paula, he did end up with a FANTASTIC tip at the end of the night, right?

When Julie and I were talking to him, he said he wanted to move closer to the ocean. We highly recommended North Carolina.

JULIE: Before moving on, I'd like to point out that I am NOT the "good girl" (especially not when standing next to Cella), but I behaved myself...that is, if you can call being unable to remove your hands from a firm 20 year old torso behaving yourself.

All in all, it was a spectacular gathering. So many Broads, so little time. I spent a good bit of the trip home thinking how many Broads I didn't get to talk to enough, and how I only kissed one Broad square on the mouth (and that would be M-E-R-R-Y, for those of you keeping score at home�although I believe there exists a picture of me kissing Cella somewhere near her ear, which I accidentally yelled into...sorry hon).

CELLA: ~sniff~ Now that my disk is dead, I can honestly say there is no proof of that.

-- Julie and Cella, pictures by Cella and Lila (thanks for taking my camera!) and Old Navy (oh, and thanks to Lila AGAIN for managing to get the shirt to him in Vegas!)