2007-09-01
1:10 p.m.

He's Not That Innocent... (Part 1)

But he IS that adorable... and snarky... and funny as h*ll... and of course also very, very hawt!

Which he proved to us once again in Frisco (7/4/07)...

here...

here�

And, oh yeah... THERE too.

And that was only for starts!

Anyway...

It was really tough sifting through all those gazillions of megabytes in order to choose our favorite adorable, snarky, funny as h*ll, sexy, HAWT (and oh yes� cool!)... but Not So Innocent moments from the Soft Rock Hard Place Tour of 2007... but as they say... "Somebody's gotta do it."

Sucks to be us�

...but to begin...

~Houston~ (7/6/07)

Clay: It�s like a Radio Shack in here! And you�ve got your binoculars on the fourth row lookin� at my nose hairs, which I don�t believe I� cleaned.

**laughs hysterically at own joke**

Except that, um no, Clay� that�s really not why we bring the binoculars, but you can go ahead and believe that if you want to�

~Tulsa~ (7/7/07)

Clay: So... it's been a kind of an interesting day, um, ya know, in addition to bein', ya know... abused... um, beat up by a girl.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Obnoxious Lady In Audience #1: CLAAAY!!! I wanna meet you!!!
Clay: Well.. what is your name?
Obnoxious Lady In Audience #1: **screams something unintelligable**
Clay: Peggy? (???)
Obnoxious Lady In Audience #1: PAYGAY!!!
Clay: Ok, well... "Paygay"... consider us met.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Obnoxious Lady In Audience #2: I've still got the water bottle you gave me 3 1/2 years ago!!!... and I've been waiting FOREVER to get you to sign it!!!
Clay: Well... you've waited 3 1/2 years... you can wait a little longer.

**Ba DUM bum**

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Clay: I'm SO sweatin' from that last thing... I stink! I was thinkin', thinkin', THINKIN'... about takin' my jacket off, but no, no, NO. My armpits are swimmin'! They're more flooded than your state! So there's just not a chance of it. You can go ahead and kill the houselights, I'm gonna go try and dry off... take a shower or somethin'like that.

**audience goes crazy**

**Clay acts surprised**

~Philly~ (7/17/07)

Random Letter: If you haven't gone on ClackUnlimited.com... please do. Apparently the person that you see there is "hawt, sexy and gorgeous." And I'm trying to find out where he went.

Clay: Oh wait!... it gets better ladies and gentlemen!
Letter: I can't figure out all this weight gain. He either wants to have a heart attack at a young age or keep up his dork image.

**audience groans in disbelief� for the most part.**

Clay: Hold on!... this is my favorite part.
Letter: His fans make many sacrifices, timewise and financially...
Clay: And I DO appreciate that!... lemme tell you.
Letter: And so HE has to make a few. Namely... Macaroni & Cheese and Krispy Kremes!..

Hahahahahahahahaha **tm WendyFL**

And so now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?

Oh yeah.

Yeah...

Yeah...

YEAH!

~Syracuse~ (7/18/07)

Clay: *To person in audience* Well, if you�re gonna imitate me, stand up! I can�t do nothing without attention, can�t even fly on an airplane!
Angie: I�m sorry I have to show you this�
Clay: What your bra strap?
Angie: Noooo�
Clay: Why is she keeping stuff in her shirt?
Angie: Because I don�t have pockets. *pulls out a magazine page*
Clay: Oh, great, now I�m sure we have a tabloid on the stage�
Angie: *reads from page* an ad from Airtran � �It�s okay to be in touch with your fellow man, just not on the armrest.�
Quiana: OMG!
Jesse: *funny OMG face*
Clay: *Stalks over and rips away from Angie�s hand*

I�ve already started an ad campaign! *sits* I expect some money for that then! AND Purell! *rubs hand together* �Get your hands clean before you put em over some yappy woman�s mouth!�

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We weren�t quite sure what to do with this one�

This one either�

But tummy twirls�

~Canandaigua~ (7/19/07)

Clay apparently thinks we are not quite as smart as fifth grader, so a learning tool appears�.

Who knew Quiana and Angie had an inner Vanna? This just keeps getting better and better!

And of course, we cannot let talk of this tour pass without a mention of "Lover All Alone�"

Every performance was magical, in that it brought audiences to a point of stillness and actual listening. But in Canandaigua, even nature cooperated�

...and cried with us...

~Chautauqua~ (7/20/07)

Clay: Now, we had so many watching the soundcheck, I decided not to let them have a free show! So I had Quiana sing my parts...

Control freak much?...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And then...the payin' show...

Clay: I love that song!

**audience laughs**

Clay: They'll laugh at anything. I just said "I love that song" and they thought that was the funniest thing the've ever heard.

But I LOVE that song. It's the theme song to "The West Wing"... anybody see the TV show? If you've never seen it, you're missin' out. You can come on our bus later and we can watch it...

**audience goes wild**

Clay: Now for those of you who actually believed me when I said you could come on the bus later... I wasn't serious...

**Clay hears pin drop**

Clay: Now THAT wasn't as funny to them apparently... THEY were SERIOUS about comin' on that bus!

~Columbus~ (7/21/07)

Clay: Ethel, do you think I�ve gotten THAT fat? I could cover my car with that! Good Lord�

Clay: We got a letter, Quiana do you still have the letter?
Quiana: No, Jerome has it.
Clay: Jerome, do you still have it?

*crickets*

Clay: Now, look, he ain�t even listening. I could be tackled up here and security ain�t even listening. Having a chat. I feel SO secure.

~Sterling Heights~ (7/23/07)

Most important part of the show�

Okay, we lied

Maybe one of the coolest surprises ever, sorry Angela.

And an illustration of what led up to it�

TMI?

~Gilford~ (7/25/07)

Another �riveting� performance!

�Cept there were bugs EVERYWHERE � and some of them were enormous!

Clay: Unbelievable!

They are BREEDING up here I believe!

�Love songs for the mosquitoes�� Getting �em in the mooood�

Bwah!

Clay: We were so excited about the show in Detroit, we up and left without the music� or the stools, so we�re sitting on some uncomfortable stools here� **takes offered cushion, inspects**

Clay: I ripped off the end and it didn�t blow itself up! **blows into cushion** I hope nobody�s butt�s been on that!

**Nope, just bugs**

And finally�

~Newark~ (7/28/07)

Thank goodness Jerome�s sense of humor is ALMOST as big as he is�

...cause Clay must be a real handful�

Anyway�

Stay tuned for Part Two as our adorable, snarky, funny as h*ll, sexy, HAWT (and oh yes� cool!)... but Not So Innocent boyfriend heads west and then to parts south�

The best is yet to come!

In the meantime� cheers!

jannet, Jill and Karen Eh

...With special thanks to our beloved photographers and videographers SLC, Invisible926, jojoct, dc4clay Shamrock, Lynninnj, ClayfaninMN, toni7babe, Tangerine, LonelyNoMore44, mustbeeme, Mom4Clay22, stilltheone and of course Karen Eh *g*

Part 2