Tonight on a Very Special Episode of: Inside the Actor's Studio ...

James Lipton:
Tell us Chair, what has it been like for you? This sudden thrust into the spotlight ...

Chair:
One word Jim ... WHIRLWIND ... I can't go to the furniture supply store ... people know what kind of furniture polish I use ... it's crazy.

James Lipton:
Did you ever imagine the success this album cover would have?

Chair:
I knew it was going to be special ... and that it would sell ... but no, I could never have imagined this measure of success.

James Lipton:
Over 3 million copies sold.

:: Audience applauds ::

Chair:
It's amazing! Really. I'm just so blessed. It's kind of hard to wrap my mind around it.

James Lipton:
Will Hung ...

Chair:
(laughing)
At least he was on key...

James Lipton:
But he's not singing ...

Chair:
Yes, I know ... that's the point Jim.

James Lipton:
(chuckling)
I see ... I've noticed that in some of these pictures you have a silver tone and in others a blue tone ....

Chair:
It's all in the lighting. There's a whole team of people helping me look the way I do ... and sometimes we like to change it up.

James Lipton:
Ellen Degeneres ...

Chair:
Loved Ellen ... she gave me a slipcover with her name on it.

James Lipton:
George W and John Kerry ... Is it true they were arguing over who would get to sit on you first?

Chair:
Yes, grown children ... the two of them.

James Lipton:
Now this next one was very controversial ...

Chair:
Yes .. I actually fired my manager over that one.

James Lipton:
Could you elaborate?

Chair:
Apparently Mr. Jackson was desperate to reignite his career ... and he thought "I'll use the chair" ... Well, I do not want to be a part of that ... I have standards!

James Lipton:
You say you're a fan of the show ... you must know what is next.

Chair:
Yes, I believe I do.

James Lipton:
What is your favorite word?

Chair:
Scrumtrelescent ...

James Lipton:
Very well, what is your least favorite word?

Chair:
Couch ...

James Lipton:
Any particular reason?

Chair:
We're going to use the COUCH for this shot ... or the COUCH will do nicely for that shot ...

James Lipton:
Okay ... What turns you on?

Chair:
A beautiful woman sitting on me ...

James Lipton:
(chuckling)
Anyone in particular?

Chair:
Catherine Zeta Jones ... Kim Locke ... and there was this one time when Clay dressed up as Cher ... yowza!

James Lipton:
I'm sure that was interesting ... what turns you off?

Chair:
People who want to sit where Clay's butt has been ...

James Lipton:
What sound do you love?

Chair:
Prop closet door opening ...

James Lipton:
What sound do you hate?

Chair:
Prop closet door closing ... with me still inside ...

James Lipton:
What is your favorite curse word?

Chair:
I don't curse.

James Lipton:
Really?

Chair:
Really ... well, I try not to curse ... Ding Dang it!

James Lipton:
Maybe we should use that one ... What profession other than your own would you attempt?

Chair:
I think I'd like to be a recliner.

:: Audience laughs ::

Chair:
Seriously ... they just sit there ... they rarely ever move ... and people just like to recline back and sleep ... It would be great ... no "hurry up let's go here" ... or "turn around and face the wall while Clay straddles you" ...

:: Woo Hooing from the female chairs in the crowd ::

James Lipton:
It would appear that appeals to some of our audience members ... Did you realize that you have a huge internet following? They call themselves ... "ChairMates" ...

Chair:
Yes, I don't really like the Chairmate name ... but I do know of this one internet site called "Lecherous Chaise Lounges for Clay Aiken's Chair ... "

:: More Woo Hooing from Female Chairs in the audience ::

James Lipton:
It appears some of them have joined us this evening ... What profession would you not want to attempt?

Chair:
I don't think I'd want to be a throne ... they have jewels and fabric hammered into them ... looks kind of painful ... and serious ... always being "on" ... too difficult ...

James Lipton:
If heaven exists what would you like God to say to you ...

Chair:
(Looking thoughtful for a moment)
I think I'll have a seat ... HAHAHAHA ... get it?

James Lipton:
(Chuckles)
Yes, I do ...

James Lipton:
All of these students are here today to get a better understanding of what makes you the most successful prop chair in the business ... possibly the most successful the world has ever known ... It has been a pleasure and an honor to have you here ... is there anything you'd like to say to these up and coming prop chair actors of the future?

Chair:
Work hard ... stay in school and make sure you get the good furniture polish. It's all about the luster ...

Original Concept by Frances ... who sent me an email with three pics and said ... "Wondered if your evil genius--and I mean that in a GOOD way!--could do something with this idea: Everyone wants to be photographed sitting on Clay's chair? Or is it famous by association? Does it need its own agent now? Who'll we see next? I'm sure you can photochop somebody on that chair."

Written by: Frances' Evil Genius aka Wendy in FL