2004-04-07
1:35 p.m.

BEVR: KJ in OKC St. Louis 3/21/04

BATTLE OF THE BEVRs: The Tale of the Deflowered

The Set Up This saga begins in January when news of �The Coming Tour� started circulating on the Purple Pages (PP). I have long surpassed my days of denial for my love of one beautiful Stud of a Man, Clay Aiken. I missed the summer AI Tour last year, but I was fairly determined to see him in concert this time around. You have to understand one thing about me. I have an extremely active real life (RL). I�m not saying others don�t, but my personal commitments keep me constantly �on the go�. Remember this later. One of these commitments is a dinner theater I am a member of. Casting for the next production was coming up soon, and in the past, I played the main role. Do to my RL; I was a little leery as to whether or not I would be able to go to a concert. This was the reason why I couldn�t go to a concert last summer, even though, there was one in my city. Mysterybroad had already come out with chapter seven of Lost in L.A. (LILA), which contained a fictional (yes, fictional tour schedule). Oklahoma City was one of the stops on the tour. I knew that the schedule wasn�t real, but a Broad could hope couldn�t she? He actually did come to Oklahoma City last year during the AI Tour, and it would be perfect now because I work Downtown. I would have a much better chance of going this time. Puddle of Goo added to my already high hopes with her �inside� leaks of information regarding the tour schedule. It was looking very promising. Well, the official tour schedule was finally released. I was crushed to realize that he was NOT coming to Oklahoma City. Devastated would probably be a more accurate term. The majority of the Broads would say, �Well, just go see him in a different city�. Yes, I did hear that too. Remember, what I said earlier about my RL. I also don�t have a car. At this time also, my passion and compulsiveness was still in its beginning stages. I wasn�t that delusional yet. After a few hours, I wad resigned to the fact that I wasn�t going to see Clay in concert AGAIN. I really was okay with it. I figured that I would just read the BEVRs and live through everyone else�s experiences.

A Glimmer of Hope We had auditions for the play, and I did get the main role. In the back of my mind there was still a slight glimmer of hope of me possibly going to a concert. I think at the time, that it was mainly because I am an eternal optimist. Well, my optimism paid off. On the evening/morning of January 17, I was perusing the PP. What should my wondering eyes appear? There was a call given out for a traveling companion from another OKC Broad, Trose (Theresa). She was looking for a road trip partner for Grand Prairie and St. Louis. My original plan was to at least, if only, go to the St. Louis Broadfest. I HAD to go to a Broadfest, if I was going to a concert. I had to go to one that included a Broadfest. St. Lou looked like my best bet. My heart skipped a beat when I read Trose�s post. I emailed her telling her my situation, and informing her that it was highly likely that I would not be able to go. That next day I asked my Managing Director. To my shock, amazement, and great joy, he said, �yes�. I could hardly believe it. Not only did I go from not being able to attend a concert at all, now I was going to be able to see His Totally Hotness twice!

The Let Down Tickets for two concerts paid for. Hotel in the Lou paid for. Preliminary travel plans in the works with Amy D and Trose. Innumerous phone calls, emails and IM sessions. The �event� was just about a week away. I really didn�t have time to get excited about it, let alone, think about it. RL had me so busy. Mainly, the Dinner Theater and my other commitments consumed my time and thoughts. Believe me, Clay was definitely in there too.

Five days before the �road trip�, I really started thinking about my obligations to the theater, and the bind I was going to put people in. Everything was in place for me to leave. My understudy was practicing that week, consequently changing other members in the cast. Rehearsals were going all right. After a meeting, I started re-evaluating my responsibilities, and really felt like I needed to be home for the performances that weekend. You want to talk about a hard thing to do. I had to make three very difficult phone calls the Tuesday night before the Grand Prairie/St. Louis weekend. The next day I had to write five somewhat equally difficult emails telling the St. Louis Broads, as well, as the Grand Prairie Broads, that I would not be able to attend the Broadfest or the concerts. If anyone ever had a doubt about the love, and genuine affection shed amongst this beautiful group of women, I am here to tell you otherwise. I received so many loving, and encouraging emails, that I spent half the day crying. You Broads are fabulous! It was a difficult 24 hours, but I knew that I was doing the right thing.

Wonders never cease to amaze me Thursday, after writing another extremely difficult email to a very dear Broad of mine, and having a very unpleasant conversation with my mother, I find out that I could go to the Lou on Sunday. The only person I told was Paula in St. Lou in St. Lou. I wanted her to know that I would be there for the Broadfest so she could plan accordingly. God bless my two Angels, Trose and Amy D. They decided to alter their plans after I told them I could go to St. Lou. They came back through Oklahoma City (OKC), Saturday, after going down to Grand Prairie, Friday, to see Clay. I had upgraded our tickets, and Trose�s niece was able to go in my place. I�m told she had a blast. She is a Clay fan, and was not going to be able to attend a concert. Trose and Amy D came to the Dinner Theater Saturday night, and helped us clean afterwards. I still can�t believe they did that! I am just overwhelmed at their generosity and selflessness. We left OKC around 12:30 Sunday morning. There were two Broads that were very upset that I was not going to be able to make it. To these two Broads, Mary in MD and Christina, I apologize for the torture I put you through. I also apologize to Trose and Amy D, for the grief you got from Mary in MD, although she did try hard to put on a poker face, because you were not in the Lou when you should have been. I think all is forgiven now though.

The adventures of the Expert, the Narc, and the Novice Trose was the Expert driver. She is a sales person, and a nationwide camper. Amy D is the Narc. She is Narcoleptic that is. I am the driving Novice. I don�t drive a lot, and I have very limited experience driving on the highway. It�s really a long story that I won�t share here.

The Expert drove us out of town and into Joplin, where we called it quits. Actually she called it quits. The Novice was still a little leery of driving, and tired from acting, and the Narc, well, it really was shameful. You know you shouldn�t let a Narcoleptic go with out plenty of sleep. We pulled up to the Microtel in Joplin around 4:30am. The Narc and the Novice went in to get a room for the night. Just a side note, the clerk was cute. It�s really a good thing that the Novice went in with the Narc, because she really wasn�t thinking clearly. She was chanting her license plate number, but when it came time for her to give it to the clerk she forgot it. We had to go back out to the car and look at it again. I am sure that the clerk (no, I don�t remember his name, it was late) thought we were crazy or drunk. To be honest, the Narc was acting quite inebriated. She had the whole slurred speech going on too. At one point I think she started running around the pool yelling, �I love Clay Aiken�. No, I�m kidding, but I�m telling you, the state that she was in, anything could�ve happened. We arrived at our room safe and sound. We set the alarm clock, and cell phones to wake us up in the morning. Off to sleep we went. Nine o�clock comes early when you go to bed at almost five. I wasn�t tired though. The shear excitement and realization that I was actually going to see Clay and the Broads fuelled my energy. The story may be a little different for the other two. Every one got their prospective showers, put on their Clay concert, Broadfest gear, and we were on our way. Granted, we were running about five minutes behind schedule, but not bad. The Narc was in the driver�s seat, I holding shotgun, and the Expert napping in the back seat. I became the resident chatterbox. The conversation was great. We talked about Clay (of course), God and religion, politics, and life. For the majority of the time, Clay, with his gorgeous self, was there listening in. Well, his face was. We had the �TheWay/Solitaire� single cover on the dashboard. The Narc and I got so carried away talking that we forgot about gas. We weren�t on fumes YET. The Narc saw a sign that said �gas� so we exited the highway. When we pulled up to the gas station, in the middle of nowhere Missouri, I swear I suddenly heard the theme song from �Deliverance�. I don�t think I need to elaborate more. It was closed, but I don�t think we would have stayed. To be honest I wasn�t looking forward to seeing �Bubba� come out with his two teeth, and a dip cup in hand. The Expert did wake up from napping at that time to a beautiful site I must say, Clay. We found a real gas station, filled up, took a potty break, and switched drivers. Look out! The Novice was at the wheel. Can you believe they let me drive? I think they may regret it now. Really, I�m not a bad driver. It�s the whole experience thing. I drove the rest of the way into St. Lou. I don�t think I freaked them out too much. I figured if I had, one of them would have taken over. I drove for over two hours. The Expert either received a call, or made a call to Mary in MD during this period of time. She was not a happy camper knowing that we (they) wouldn�t be arriving in the Lou until three o�clock. As I drove into the city limits and saw the Arch, it all hit me. OMG! I�m here, I�m really here! I�m going to the Broadfest and I�m going to see Clay in concert. The Expert was in the back seat navigating. I was supposed to exit 289 to get downtown. I missed the exit and had to turn around. I almost missed it again, but with some quick maneuvering, I made it. Good thing I prayed before we left. I think I gave the angels a little scare. Not to mention, The Expect and the Narc. We made it downtown. The Expert/Navigator was now in search of the Savvis Center. Why, because the Hyatt, where the Expert and I were staying, was near there. We didn�t find the Hyatt, or the Savvis Center for that matter, the first time around. I did notice some lovely shamrocks painted in the road though. On the second go around we found the Hyatt. Can you believe that it was the building where the shamrocks were painted on the road in front of? After our slight detours, we pulled up in front of the Hyatt at 3:15. We gave the valet the keys and unloaded our stuff. The Expert called Mary in MD to let her know we (they), were there.

The Surprise We walked into the hotel and went upstairs to meet Mary in MD. Keep in mind that I wasn�t suppose to be there, and Trose and Amy D should have been there 24 hours earlier. Trose walked through the lobby looking for Mary in MD. Amy D and I lagged behind. I was bent over behind some plants putting something in my bag when Amy D spotted Mary in MD. Amy D said that she didn�t look too happy. I decided to stay bent over a little while longer. Trose and Mary in MD started walking in our direction. Trose said to Mary in MD, �I have someone for you to meet.� I�ve been told that by the look on Mary in MD�s face, aside from Clay appearing before her eyes, she could have cared less. Out I popped from behind the plants. She attacked me. She just hugged me and bawled for the longest time. All the anguish for the previous 24 hours just disappeared. I guess it�s like childbirth. Once the baby�s born, you forget about the pain. We quickly met Maylon, Genevieve, Paula and Diana in St. Lou. Then we rushed to our room to drop off our stuff and surprise the heck out of Christina and Pat. M-E-R-R-Y had found out that morning that I was coming. She was concerned about her ticket, so Paula in St. Lou let her in on the secret. Like I said, all was forgiven and we had a Broadfest to get to.

Dancing Broads, Shades of Purple & Clay Due to our late arrival, we had made quite a few Broads late to meet everyone at the Hard Rock Caf�. Several of them were in the lobby ready to head over to the Hard Rock. I, of course, forgot my binoculars, so Christina and I run back to the room to get them. I�m telling you, I should have just left them in the room to begin with. I end up losing them. We got the binoculars, and we were on our way. We got to the Hard Rock and stood in the lobby area for a while. We introduced ourselves to other Broads, as well as, some members of the PROC (People�s Republic of Clay). While waiting, we were serenaded by various artists from the overhead speakers. Some of us sang along. Then came the voice of an angel. It was non other than Clay Aiken�s. The place erupted in screams, and of course everyone one sang along. We were finally seated. We all ran around from table to table introducing ourselves, hugging, and taking pictures. Broads with goodies passed them out to everyone. I think I screamed and jumped up and down like a hundred times. I just couldn�t believe that I was actually there meeting all of these WONDERFUL women. Due to my constant screaming and squealing, Rainbeaux yelled at me across the room to scream for herI then was asked to be her screamer during the concert. She was losing her voice. I graciously accepted. They played Clay for a while, and then turned him off to please the other customers. I think there maybe 20-25 other customers there, if that much. Needless to say, we were not happy, but we endured. At one point, they started playing Will Smith�s �Getting� Jiggy With It�. Christina and I, Sisters in Crime, decided to jump up on the benches and dance.

Next thing you know, little by little, the whole place was on their feet. One of the waiters did make an announcement that after they played a certain song, YMCA, they�d put Clay back on. It didn�t happen, but we had fun with YMCA and �Summer Lovin�� from Grease. It was time to head over to the Savvis Center. Paula and Diana in St. Lou collected all of our purple goodies, and off we were to the Savvis Center. I enjoyed talking to Lisa M. and her mother, Ann, on the way. I also enjoyed my conversation with Karen Nyere. I still say our theory is correct. He likes his meat dark. I�ll gladly be the bait for him anytime.

The Deflowering The group arrived at the Savvis Center, and we all went our perspective ways. Mary in MD, Pat, Trose, and I headed for our seats. I had the opportunity to upgrade my tickets to floor seats the week before. I tried, but they ended up going for more then I was willing and able to pay. It�s a good thing too. In my opinion, aside from being on the side where Clay entered, we had killer seats. The frickin� jumbo tron was about twenty-five feet from us! Not only that, but we were five rows from the floor. We were on the right side of the stage at a perfect angle. Thank you Pat and Mary in MD! I missed the Beu Sisters because I was out getting merchandise. From what I�ve been told, I didn�t miss much. If you have heard, or read that the Broads are famous, it�s no lie. I had people stopping me left and right. I even gave someone my autograph. We had people wanted our shirts too. One lady even wanted to put LBFCA as a link on her website. Hi Tammy! I won�t go into details about the concert because you pretty much already know what happened. I will say, that Kelly put on a heck of a show. I really think it was a great idea for them to pair up. Don�t get me wrong, I�d take Clay by himself any day (take that however you want). I just like the concept of the two different styles of music coming together. It was like attending two separate concerts. I also want to mention this too. We were the first to get new and improved dancing Clay. Thanks Jacob! The other thing that I MUST mention is MY EF. My lord, what that man can do with those emeralds pools! I just get all quivery thinking about it again. During ISY, one of the HOTTEST performances of it mind you, he shot me, yes me, an EF that sent me straight to the ground. I couldn�t move. All I remember is those eyes, and me whimpering, quivering, and clinging to Trose�s leg for dear life. Hopefully, someone else can give you a better description of what happened. Somehow, I managed to pull myself together and enjoy the rest of the concert. My �first time� was incredible. Whoever said that the first time is always bad, was WRONG!! They obviously didn�t have Clay! I was deflowered and left wanting more.

The After-glow After the concert, most of us met up at Houlihan�s. Thanks to Paula in St. Lou�s exceptional planning, they stayed open two hours later for us. I was in a state. My mind and body were complete mush. We all started ordering food and drinks. Maylon and Paula in St. Lou were at the Meet and Greet. We passed the time talking about the concert, listening to Clay on the overhead speakers, and passing digital cameras around showing off our pictures. In walks our waiter, Gregory, with a Long Island Ice Tea in his hand asking to whom it belong too. Rainbeaux points out that he looks like John Meyer. I say, �yeah, but a lot cuter.� Then the photo session began. I think almost every Broad in there got a picture with Gregory. I do believe that I was the only Broad who kissed him though.

After my time with Gregory, I ordered dessert. No, he wasn�t enough. It was a three-dessert sampler. The best one was one that I affectionately call, �Claytisfied�. Maybe it was because of the state I was in, but man that dessert was Mmmmmm mmmmmm Goood! It was a mini cheesecake with vanilla ice cream on top, topped with whipped cream, drizzled with strawberry sauce. Let me tell you, I enjoyed every single bite. The �Sisters in Crime� did revive the bench dancing from the Hard Rock. This time we didn�t really have any other participants. Rainbeaux did, making us the Three Musketeers.

We left Houlihan�s, and Christina and I went over to Killer D, Cha Cha and Lorelei�s hotel room (Lechery Training Camp). I had to pick up something Cha Cha had made for me, and she had the Space NK hook up. I just had to get my teddy bear that I got from the concert, Cleddy, spritzed. Cleddy was actually bathed in Space NK. He still smells to this day. We had so much fun. I don�t think their neighbor was very happy with us, but oh well. We looked at Cha Cha�s pics from the concert, and they recounted to me the events at the Comedy Club and Chocolate Bar. All I have to say is that Killer D had a thing for chocolate covered bananas. We also got a treat. Killer D read part of her �BEVR in the works� to us. Christina and I were also two of the privileged to experience �the magazine�. That Killer D is one creative little cookie. Christina and I were true �Sisters in Crime�. We had on matching panties that night. So, TMI, you say. Well, these were not ordinary panties. They have Gonzo on the front, and on the butt they say, �The Great Gonzo�. Hopefully, the �Camp� leaders can burn that image out of their mind. Sorry I brought it up again. Well, we made sure we had a memory of that night, and Killer D and Cha Cha took us back to our hotel. Lorelei was a little out of it

Parting is such sweet sorrow� Christina and I got back to our room to find it empty, so we went to Pat�s room. Jackpot! We sat around and talked some more there, and then we had to start our good-byes. Dear sweet M-E-R-R-Y had to leave early in the morning, so we said good-bye and goodnight to her. The rest of us went back to our room. We chatted a little more, and then went to bed. Christina had to get up very early to leave. She�s so sweet and precious. I miraculously woke up when she was about to leave, but she got back in bed with me to �spoon� with me one more time. We hugged, and I said good-bye. As I laid in bed looking at a blurred imaged at the end of my bed, I cried. I fell back to sleep, only to be awakened about four hours later, by Mary in MD singing to me, �Rise and Shine�� I am not a morning person, and I think Trose, Mary in MD and Pat got a first hand taste of it. I wasn�t mean, just not very alert. I got up, showered, and ready. I said my tearful good-byes to Mary in MD and Pat. They left to head to the airport. Trose and I made sure we had all of our belongings. This is where I realized I lost my binoculars. We headed out to meet Amy D in front of the hotel. I, being the crazy person I am, struck up conversations with perfect strangers who had Clay concert paraphernalia on. While out side, I saw a lady with a Clay t-shirt on. I ran to her, arms out-stretched, ready to give her a hug. She accepted, and then we started talking. We found out that they were from the Clackhouse. You really haven�t lived until you thrust your breast in a perfect stranger�s (not really in the land of Clay love) face, and tell them to smell you. The night before, I had laid my LBFCA shirt, heavily dowsed in Space NK, on top of the shirt I was going to wear the next day. We finally got on the road. Trose, the Expert, drove the entire way home � 8 hours. Ya think she didn�t trust me? We arrived at Trose�s about 8:15 that night. Amy D and I didn�t leave until around 10:30. Amy D dropped me off at home, and then she drove another two hours home to Witchita Falls, TX. Man, what an incredible 48 hours! Hands down, two of the BEST days of my life!

~ KJ in OKC

Link to Amy D.�s BEVR
Link to Trose�s BEVR

Posted by: Wendy in FL