Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2004-05-01
9:44 a.m.

Clelly Monologues: "The Scrabble Match"

When we last left our hero he was about to be forced to play Scrabble with Ms. Independent ...

INT. BUS
Kelly is setting up the Scrabble game. Clay wants to sleep and is about to take the Princess hat off.

Kelly:
Aaack! Don't you take that off!

Clay rolls his eyes and lets the elastic pop back into place.

Clay:
What are you doing?

Kelly:
Uh, I'm setting up the game!

Clay:
Ah'm tired ...

Kelly has now stopped setting up the game and is walking toward him.

Kelly:
You. owe. me.

Clay is bracing for the arm punch. She does not disappoint.

Clay:
Owe! That Hurts!

Kelly:
Sit down Princess boy! You are losin' your shirt tonight!

Clay chuckles

Kelly:
What's so funny?

Clay:
So whut if Ah lose one ... I have 7 on!

Kelly:
I didn't mean literally ... EEEEWWW!

Clay:
I told you I don't want to play! Ah'm tired and you can't make me.

Kelly:
Your dog used my ridiculously expensive shoes to do her business on ... You owe me!

Clay:
Can't I just pay you? Ah'll buy you new shoes ... have you seen my ridiculously LARGE bank account?

She glares at him.

Clay:
We could play poker ... pass the trash ...

Kelly:
That better not be no sassy stuff ...

Clay:
Ah'm just sayin' ... If the card game fits ...

Kelly:
She broke the rules.

Clay:
She did nawt! The rule is NO NUMBER 2! She did number 1.

Kelly:
Yes, she did ... ON! MY! SHOES!

Clay:
Okay, okay ...

Kelly has the table set up. Clay reluctantly joins her. They draw letters to see who gets to go first. Clay wins. He places his letters on the game table.

Kelly:
Uh, what is that?

Clay:
Mah wurd Kel-ly ...

Kelly:
That ain't no real word ...

Clay:
Of course it is ...

Kelly:
clayzed?

Clay:
(looking at Raleigh)
Poor Aunt Kelly ... she doesn't have her own language.
(back to Kelly)
It's the look women get in their eyes when they see me.

Kelly is stunned. Her jaw is lying on the table.

Clay:
(pointing to Kelly's face)
It's kinda like that one ...

She is in a state of shock ... Clay playfully maneuvers around in front of her ... waving his hand back and forth ...

Clay:
(whispering to Raleigh)
Ah think ah'm too much for her ...

Clay turns the light off and jumps into his bunk ...

Clay:
Raleigh, Ah think this makes me the scrabble clampion ...


RoadSide Elimination

Written by: Wendy in FL

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