Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2004-04-15
6:51 p.m.

BEVR: Sparkly Vest, Las Vegas, NV 03/27/04

The day started off like any other, but would end much differently. I was minding my own business, hanging from the display rack at my home in the gift shop, when in walked the rowdiest bunch of Broads I had ever seen.

One of them walked to the vest display. It was hard to see what she was doing as I hung quietly behind my rack neighbor ... Mr. Plain Silver Medium. To the left of me, I could see some stirring on the "Music Note" vest rack.

All I could think was .. what in the world do these babes want with a sparkly music note vest? I mean, it's an okay vest, but a little much ... and being the plain, silver sparkly vest that I am, I truly believe ... "less is more."

A sound of disappointment flooded the air when it was determined that the music note vest was too small. Suddenly, the room was spinning and it felt like the rack had dropped me. I felt hands all over me and someone said, "Let Kelly try it on."

I found myself hangerless and being unbuttoned. I was not used to this kind of treatment, but soon realized that this is what I was meant to do. Apparently, I "fit" Kelly and everyone thought that I was the right one to buy.

One Broad suggested that they use a puff paint pen to write a note inside the vest ... Another suggested that it mention a song called "Still the One" ... and yet another piped in that it be signed "Love, Your Hometown Connection Fans" ...

The Broads handed me to the clerk, along with a handful of dollar bills ... and she wrapped me in tissue and put me into a bag. I spent quite a while folded in the bag, held tightly under someone's arm. Before they left the store a matching collar was purchased for an animal named "Raleigh" ...

I was now outside ... in the real world and on my way to a new owner. Obviously, these Broads LOVED the person they were going to give me to. It was obvious by all the love and thought they were putting into the note and the intricate planning on just when would be the right time to give me to him ...

Apparently, the puff paint pen plan fell through and a note was now being written on a purple file folder.

The note read:

You're Still the One ...
You're still the one that scratches our itch!
Please wear this and sing "Still the One ..."
Love, Your HomeTown Connection fans ...
Audra, Danielle, Jan, Kat, Kelly, Leah, Lila, Melissa, Mitzy and Wendy

Mitzy held me while Wendy in FL snapped this picture ... They pinned that sucker inside along with the matching collar that Lila bought. They touched me, and fawned over me, took pictures of me and I dazzled them all with my shiny sequins. I was put back into the bag and taken to Dinner ...

Couldn't see much at dinner but I did manage to sneak a few peeks ... just long enough to see Robin and Kelly in RI grinding with the Clig ...

And people getting le i'd ...

And then this was interesting ... Wendy in FL was definitely enjoying her schnitzels ...

As a matter of fact there was a lot of schnitzel worship going on ...

Just who was this guy they were giving me to?

I sat quietly and patiently inside the bag waiting for my big moment. According to the plans ... Lila was to throw me on stage when WYSYLM started ...

Doc in NC took me out of the bag and put me on. She was dressed in a tiara and if I say so myself, we looked goooooood together!!! People approached us and the story was told about how his HomeTown Connection fans had purchased the vest and wanted him to wear it ... When it came time for Doc to remove me, it was kind of sad. I fit her well and she was warm and friendly.

Lila made her way to the very front of the crowd and I was now being held tightly in her grip. This guy came out and started singing ... he was walking from the back of the crowd, as best I could tell. The crowd was going NUTS! I had never bore witness to such goings on ... Women were getting stuck in chairs and having to be saved by a very LARGE security person ... someone I would later learn was instrumental in protecting the guy I was being given to.

Suddenly ... the room started to spin again and I was being hurled through the air. I landed on the stage and could see the guy clearly now. He kept looking at me as he walked back and forth. We made eye contact on several occasions and I was sure he was going to pick me up ... but alas, he did not.

He looked at me ... and walked on by.

His back up singer ... I think he said her name was Quiana looked down at me ... she was concerned about stepping on me ...

After another song, the stage went dark and some other person came and removed me. I went back to a large trunk that gifts are kept in and waited. The collar was a little nervous. It was dark in the trunk ...

The concert was great and I was content waiting. My favorite song had to be "All About Love ..." The others were great, but that one had the energy, the lyrics and he seemed to really love the song.

As I sat there quietly listening I could hear the squeals of a young lady. She came dashing over to where I was lying and picked me up ... "What is this? Oh my GAWD it matches my outfit perfectly!!"

She read the note ... "Aw, this is for Clay! What the heck ... those fans are FREAKISH PEOPLE!"

When the concert was over ... he came rushing backstage and the young lady held me up to show him. She forced him to put me on and sing "Still the One ..." while wearing his princess hat ... She is apparently quite a hoss and can "make" him do what she wants. Clay's feet went sliding across the floor and suddenly he seemed to be transported to a simpler time and place. A time when he knew all of his "fans" by name and no one was concerned with what he was eating or who he was dating or how his hair looked ... it felt like slow motion sliding across that floor.

And now ... well, we're inseparable ...

~ Sparkly Vest

Note: This BEVR was written in jest ... while partly true ... I have no way of knowing what happened to Sparkly Vest upon leaving the stage that night ... but if The HomeTown Connection Fans had our way ... he'd be singing STILL THE ONE and sliding across the floor in our living room right now ... We love you Clay ...

Written by: Wendy in FL

Thanks to Melissa,Kat, Judy, someone from the Clayboard and myself for the pics ...

BEVR: Wendy in Las Vegas
BEVR: Wendy in Las Vegas The Day After

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