2004-12-13
10:38 a.m.

That Clay Aiken Guy

(to the tune of "1985" by Bowling For Soup,
lovingly rewritten by Julie)

identity of "Debbie" concealed to protect the
not-so-innocent

Debbie just hit the wall
Never obsessed at all
Heard a song one day
And fell in love with Clay
Her life had been a snooze
Until she found her muse
'Cuz once she heard that voice
Was like she had no choice

She was gonna download pictures
She was gonna download clips
She was gonna fantasize 'bout
Those freckles on his lips
That little crooky smile is now her lifestyle
Her husband rolls his eyes
Thinks that something's not right

'Cuz when Clay sings Invizzle
He rocks her world, fo' shizzle
Covers U2 and Toto
And hits that glory note
Oh, all her family and friends say
They're gonna lock her away
'Cuz she's so preoccupied
With that Clay, that Clay, that Clay Aiken guy

She's got all the clippings
Every magazine
Keeps 'em in a binder
Drool-free and still pristine
She flocked to St Loo
To meet a Broad or two
Came home with a bag
Of Broadly concert swag

Purple tassels on her t-shirt
Representin' every single Aiken concert
Since when does she watch MTV?
Her "pooty" fingers are
Dialin'...votin'
For his videos

Clay's "sexy" is subtle
It turns her to a puddle
Bought the program and keychain
And Christmas cards with candy cane
Her family and friends say
His album's only okay
But she's still preoccupied
With that Clay, that Clay, that Clay Aiken guy

She hates what they call "pop"
When did radio become full of slop?
Since when is "edgy" better than talent?
Please make this stop...stop...STOP!

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick

Because when Clay sings Invizzle
He rocks her world, fo' shizzle
Covers U2 and Toto
And hits that glory note
Oh, all her family and friends say
They're gonna lock her away
Cuz she's so preoccupied
With that Clay Aiken guy

Clay's "sexy" is subtle
It turns her to a puddle
Bought the program and keychain
And Christmas cards with candy cane
Her family and friends say
His album's only okay
But she's still preoccupied
With that Clay, that Clay
That Clay Aiken guy

-- Julie thanks her lovely "Debbie" for sharing photographic evidence of her lifestyle, and hopes that she's managed to make yet another one-hit-wonder more memorable