2003-11-06
9:38 p.m.

The Ellen Show - BEVR/Louise

I was born and raised in a suburb of Los Angeles. Right near the hub. I spent the first twenty-two years of my life here. Then I was married to my wonderful Mr. Louise who whisked me away from California to live in various great cities for the next twenty-eight years. His work had us hopping all over the place. I sort of liked the adventure, and I sure didn�t miss the traffic and the smog of L.A. So when I was told a few years ago that we would be moving back after being away for so long, I was more than mildly disappointed. We were both L.A. kids, but how would we fare returning as middle-agers? It seemed like we�d be starting all over again, only this time with totally familiar surroundings and no local friendships. Either our friends had moved away or we had lost touch with those who stayed. It would be weird to be back. For complicated reasons, we had no other place to go, so I found myself up to my eyeballs in moving boxes-AGAIN! Back to the City of Angels we went. Our grown children had gone to college there, which would undoubtedly help since they eventually settled in the area. That we had to birth our own friends so we wouldn�t feel lonely back in L.A. began to strike me as particularly pathetic. Unparalleled even. That was one way to look at it. Another was to be rather impressed with how futuristically insightful we had been. We prefer the latter.

It took a while, but we are settled and living out our new life�s routine with relative comfort and ease now. We�ve returned to being what most would call pretty normal. That is, until Clay Aiken. I won�t repeat what I have already shared from the Anaheim concert and The Tonight Show , except to say that living in Los Angeles has taken on a whole new pleasure I didn�t think possible. Have I mentioned that I love the smog (what smog?) and sitting for hours in the traffic (as long as my CD player is in working order)? Have I mentioned that a whole new previously completely unknown contact fell out of the sky for The Ellen Show? I didn�t? Well...

While doing the breakfast dishes one morning---

hubby-seated at kitchen table, lowering newspaper to his lap-"Why are you so quiet? How do you expect me to read this paper without you talkin� at me while I�m tryin� to do it?"

me-"What? Are you talkin� to me? What are you talking about? I have no idea what you�re talkin� about."

hubby-"You are a million miles away. What Clay thing are you thinking about now?"

Never mind that that�s a loaded question for the Broads, my point is that he thinks he knows me. Which probably should be okay with me since we�ve been married for thirty-plus years. If I am to be even remotely honest, I have to admit that I�ve dropped more than a few hints in recent months that would make his question a fair one. But life isn�t about fair, it�s more about the way he said Clay. I wasn�t sure I was appreciating the way I was hearing it. Exciting man that he is, Mr. Louise likes to keep me guessing. He thinks it�s cute or something. I was left to quickly ponder- was it an unnecessary tone that reeked of deeply rooted resentment?- Or, was he really wanting to know?

me-"Oh, nothing."

I can�t believe that the paper went right back up in front of his face. I can�t believe that he actually believed me. He settled right on back into oblivion. As though we had never exchanged such meaningful words. Everyone has a personal comfort zone, and that�s his. Regardless, I couldn�t just let the conversation drop.

"Guess who�s going to be on The Ellen Show next week?

hubby - "Who?"

me - "Guess."

hubby- "I can't guess. Tell me. Who? "

me - "Guess!"

hubby - "Tell me!"

me - "Ellen�s show is here in L.A. I think I�d like to go to it on November 5, but I already called and they are booked for all of November. It makes me sad to realize I am in the same town and won�t be there. If I don�t think about it, it will be easier to get over."

hubby - newspaper folded and on the table now with eyes intent on me---"Why do you have to get over Ellen? You are referring to Ellen Degeneres, aren�t you? Is there something you need to tell me? You�ve been seeming awfully introspective lately. If there�s something you have say, just say it and get it over with. Then explain what November 5 has to do with it."

I had him right where I wanted him. The news of wishing I could see Full Length In Person Clay AGAIN would surely pale in comparison to what he thought he might be hearing. If you get my drift. Do you really think he thought he might be hearing that? Nah! We�re married, forgoodnesssake. How could he have ever thought he�d be hearing that? He couldn�t possibly have really thought he�d be hearing that! Do you think he really thought he�d be hearing that?

me - "Clay is going to be taping Ellen's November 6th show on the 5th. I'll just watch it on the 6th since I have no way of getting in."

hubby - "Is that all?"

Mr. Louise wanted to know how I even knew the date. I told him it was the Broads. How else would I know anything? Duh! It�s not like I�m grounded. As long as I�m allowed to go out and play with the Broads, I expect to be well-informed. If I ever do get grounded, I�ll just un-ground myself. I am fifty-four years old fercryingoutloud! I don�t want to give him any ideas at the same time I dare him to try. I�ve been living on the edge like this ever since Black Wednesday.

Next things next. We have a huge-hearted dear and fabulous and funny Hollywood crowd kind of friend. We have laughed hysterically with and at him for over ten years. We don�t generally like to impose, but Clay made this an emergency. Since it�s his fault, now that I was thinking more clearly, it only made sense to call this friend. I told hubby I was so glad he wanted to talk about this, or it might have been too late. He called Huge-Hearted Friend later that night only to learn he is close with extremely high muckity-muck on Ellen�s show. How can a gurrl be sooooo blessed? I have never thought of myself as a stalker, but maybe I should. It�s like a whole new side of myself to explore. I am so glad I didn�t die before I knew. For those of you who are not stalkers, there�s a bit of a thrill to be had in it. I am starting to feel all kinds of puffed-up. If you were to ask me if I also feel like a total Clay hog after the whole TTS experience, all I can say is it�s not my fault I live in Los Angeles! And it wasn�t my idea to sing the words to �Invisible,� either. I hope it�s enough to understand that I don�t have time to deal with my personal problems right now.

November 3rd I got The Phone Call with instructions. Be at the NBC entrance gate on November 5 by 4:45 P.M. From that point, I was told, they�ll know what to do with me and let me know. I needed a date to round out the two ticket thing, so I decided I would give my son a chance to redeem himself. He actually sounded excited. He said he really likes......Ellen. He�s not alone. I do, too. And not for just the obvious reasons, but for what she once unknowingly did for my daughter. About eight years ago, mini-Louise missed an entire year of college as she was seriously ill with something that went undiagnosed for four months. The list of symptoms was two pages long, which included severe swelling of the brain. She wasn�t always aware of her surroundings and would periodically hallucinate. There was nothing the doctors could do for her, so she slept at home. We expected during any one of about seven intense days that she could die in our arms. By the grace of God, she didn�t die. One evening I set her in front of Ellen�s sitcom. To my amazement and joy, Ellen made her laugh out loud. Unlike at the onset of her illness, she could follow the story line and understand the humor. It was the first sign we had that we were getting our little girl back. I will always adore Ellen for that. The memory makes me cry. To be able to see Ellen in person all these years later, when I know she has no idea how she was used to bless our family, also makes me cry.

My son picked me up to get me to Burbank by 2 P.M. We had a leisurely late lunch nearby the studios, then checked in at the NBC gate at 4 P.M. We were on all the right lists, so everything went smoothly as we were taken to join others in the wait to eventually be escorted inside. There was a �last chance� bathroom call that let everyone know that once inside, no one was allowed to leave. We were among only about 20 people who were seated first. And the best part is that we were placed in the third row of the closest section to where Clay would be singing. The venue itself couldn�t have held more than 175 seats. Before the taping began, we learned that some in the audience had traveled from as far as Maine, Martha�s Vineyard, and Palm Beach to be there. For Clay, I presume. It was a Clay audience, I�ll have you know. Or was it just their lucky day?

Ellen likes her studio cold. It was 63 degrees in there (seemed colder), as reported by the guy who checks the thermometer. Much of the work crew went about their jobs in heavy jackets, boots and gloves. Right before the taping officially began, Ellen�s mother came in with her guests and sat just over my right shoulder the second row behind me. When Ellen came out in her make-over get-up, I don�t know what was funnier- watching Ellen do her stand-up routine for myself, or watching her mother watch Ellen. I read in her first book that she ALWAYS cracked her mom up as a kid. Well, she still does. Genuinely so, and from her gut. I tried to split the time back and forth so I wouldn�t miss either one of them. Let me just add that when Ellen first came out, she looked stunning. It doesn�t really appear that she wears make up on T.V., but she does. She is taller than I expected (and no, I wasn�t faked out by the high heels) and also quite thin. I actually think she is beautiful. She has a killer smile that lights up the entire room. She also seems to have an innate caring and kindness that can be visibly seen when interacting with others, both on and off camera.

In between segments, during commercials, a crew of about four or five would immediately hit on Ellen to primp her hair and make-up and to apparently brief her for what�s up next. Very professional, these folks are, and impressive to watch. Bob Newhart was next. It was a quiet and respectful interview, I thought, promoting his latest projects. I�ve always enjoyed him for the very reasons Ellen expressed. When the firefighters who lost their own homes to the fires here in L.A. came out, it was time to get all weepy again. What amazing people they are! What selfless spirits! I loved them, and I was touched that Ellen gave them so much heartfelt recognition on behalf of our city.

The commercial before Clay seemed to last for an eternity, which was okay with me. The D.J. was playing �We�re on the Move� (the song Clay and Ruben did together their last night on AI) the whole time. The place was all abuzz. The audience was on their feet, dancing in anticipation. I was seated off to the left by the D.J. where I could see backstage to the band setting up. I could see the lonely, single mic stand waiting for Clay to take his place behind it. Then, I could see Clay before the wall slid off to the side for all to see, and for all to hear still another performance of �Invisible.� As much as I wish he would have performed �Touch� or �Shine� or �Measure of a Man� or �The Way,� I am not sure how he does it, but he manages to make �Invisible� a little different each time. At one point, mid to late in the song, he reached out with his arm and made eye contact with my section acknowledging the swaying back and forth and the waving of CD�s and posters women had brought from home. Yep, saw that eye thingie up close and personal! He was only about twenty yards away. To see and hear him in this setting, to be so close to him and his band, was as if hanging out in someone�s oversized living room. If you can imagine it. It was only missing a fireplace. Very cozy. Very intimate. Very amazing. I can�t believe I got to be there.

This may not seem very important to you, but it was to me. As in critical. You know how when we get older our metabolisms slow down? You hear about it for years and years and sort of think it will never happen to you. Then it does. Well, the label says, �For Gentle Overnight Relief.� I reasoned that any thinking person would assume that means 8 to 12 hours. Made sense to me, which is why Monday night at bedtime seemed like a good idea at the time. Here�s the deal, my label should have read, �Take me now, then don�t count on me showin� up for 43 hours till right before Clay�s interview.� I, all of a sudden, had a problem that I was willing to acknowledge. And no one to talk to about it. I had muscles I am not accustomed to intentionally operating that were fighting for position. I really had to win this one. Not just for my dignity, but because I didn�t go to all this trouble to be there so I couldn�t concentrate on the interview.

As a matter of fact, the interview part was the first time that the camera men were starting to annoy me. They were acting like they had a television show to do or something. Or maybe I was just cranky for some reason. They blocked my view way too often for my taste. They didn�t seem to care. It was enough to make it stop feeling like I was in Ellen�s living room. So, with all the hustling around of cameras, the first audible thing I can remember was discussion over briefs Ellen had given Clay. She apparently gives all her guests briefs with her name around the top elastic (who but Ellen could get away with this? Who but Ellen would even think of this? The Broads, maybe?), so Clay reached down to his waist to pull up the elastic to show her he was wearing her gift. Then he went on to explain that he really does prefer boxers, to which Ellen replied that once everyone knows that, they�ll be throwing boxers to him on stage. Cute exchange between two people with an endless supply of facial expressions.

The interview went by so quickly, mainly talking about his unexpected success and how he is dealing with his fame, plus a few thoughts on sl**on. He was his normal, humble and honest self. When finished, and during the next commercial, Clay and Ellen posed for a picture together for her staff photographer. Then she brought herself to within about three inches from his face, smiling and talking to him when she gave him this huge hug that ended with an equally huge smootch on his left cheek. Clay gave a quick wave to the audience before disappearing backstage.

Once over, we all filed out to receive complimentary copies of �Measure of a Man.� Now I have two more to add to the ten I�ve already bought. My son graciously gave me his. Okay, so he didn�t want it, but I�m not giving up on him. He was the perfect date and we both had a great time. When we arrived, it was light outside. Now it was dark. It was a beautiful, still night. The air was crisp. Everyone was noticeably quiet and orderly returning to their cars. Everyone had smiles on their faces. Everything felt so peaceful.

I returned to a quiet house, as well. Mr. Louise retired for the night a bit earlier than I did. As I joined him in bed, I snuggled as tightly as I could up against his 6' 4" long, lean, muscular body. In moonlit shadows, with Measure of a Man playing softly in the background, I caressed his face with both my hands so as to directly gaze into it. I had an important question for him. Just above a whisper and with pristine enunciation, �That I am seriously in love with a young man the same age as our son who looks and sings like an angel, who occupies so much of my time, energy and thinking- not to mention our pocketbook- who makes me deliriously happy and who is undeniably, amazingly, incredibly, and preciously sexy- well, you don�t find that too, too awfully disturbing, do you?� Just because his eyes were closed and he was snoring doesn�t mean that my timing wasn�t perfect. I don�t see any point in repeating myself.

Now, who's this Jimmy Kimmel guy I've been hearing about?

Isn't he in Los Angeles?

My calendar is clear on November 13.

How am I going to get in?

Short of a miracle.

-Written by Louise

-Screencaps and posting by Melissa