2004-11-20
1:16 p.m.

Get Well, Clay!

OK, Clay, I give up! Uncle! You win!

For over a year you have told interviewers your fans want to take care of you and mother you. You even called us maternal in Learning to Sing. Every time you've said something like that, most of your Lecherous Broads have risen up with a lusty reply, insisting many of us want to take care of you in ways you can't even imagine. You throw down the 'mother' gauntlet, and some of us reply with wittier innuendos and more creative euphemisms for all the sensual ways we.want.to.take.care.of.you.

But now things are different. Now you are sick. Sick enough to actually postpone concerts. Your RCA site announced:

"Under doctor's orders, Clay Aiken has been forced to postpone the first three dates of 'The Joyful Noise Tour.'

Aiken has vocal cord damage resulting from ongoing ear and sinus infections and is being treated by his doctor."

You, Clay? Canceling concerts? You, who sang on Oprah when you'd apparently suffered an allergy attack. You, who showed up on stage during the ai summer tour on a day when you'd been hospitalized for an allergy attack. You, who sang ill during the Jingle Bell concerts last winter, once so ill there were rumors you lost your lunch backstage. You, who sang while ill for some of the early Independent Tour shows. You, who showed up ill on The Today Show and The View in March, and sang with a raspy (ok, and sexy!) voice. You, who showed up during the Independent Tour limping, while explaining away an accident at an earlier show. You, who showed up in Charlotte and Raleigh in October and sang and strutted and danced in spite of a local media announcer saying you'd lost your voice and almost needed to cancel.

But, you didn't cancel. You don't cancel.

Clay Aiken cancelled concerts makes the CNN scroll!

Sure, you put on a brave face, and showed up on LKL, Today and Regis and Kelly. But a fan�s candid shots from The Today Show captured you looking pretty miserable:

(nice boots, btw!)

Clay is sick! AAAAACK!!!!

I cave! Enough! I'll admit it!

I have maternal feelings for you, Clay.

I have real, caring, nurturing, tender and loving motherly feelings for you. I want to take extra special care of you, especially that golden throat of yours. I want to cook you chicken soup, and take your temperature and make sure you drink fluids and get enough rest until you are back to your vibrant, vital, healthy, resilient, energizer-bunny-active self.

Ok, enough. Enough of this kind and nurturing style of mothering from me. You've finally gotten me to give it up, and you're going to get the full-blown bossy mother of a Nelle....

Take your medicine!

Listen to your doctor!

Get plenty of rest:

Take that nap you said you wanted on Larry King's show.

NO! NOT IN FRONT OF THE TV!

NO! NOT ON THE COUCH!

Get to bed, and sleep, and don't get up for two days! Keep a cool mist humidifier running in your room, and sleep with your head slightly elevated. In a couple days, you are allowed to watch TV, read the newspaper and catch up on your computer (*wave!*)

Be Quiet:

YOU HEARD ME: BE QUIET, CLAY!

Don't talk. Don't whisper. Just keep your mouth shut and let your throat heal.

Put the cell phone down, Clay. You heard me...

PUT

THE CELL PHONE

DOWN!

Orange Juice:

Get your vitamin C, and some moisture onto those vocal cords.

Fruit Smoothie:

If you get tired of plain juice, ask Brett to make a Jamba Juice run for you. This chilly concoction is very soothing on a sore throat. They can even toss in some protein stuff so you are even increasing the nutrient value. You must know what flavor you like...this one looks like it might even have orange juice in it:

Sheesh, my tough mothering self is already giving way to my nurturing mothering self. Oh well, it was fun to boss you around for a minute.

Take care of yourself, honey. You were wonderful at the BAF Voices for Change Gala last night, and I�m confident you�ll be fabulous for the McDonald�s World Children�s Day event today. Your postponed concerts are already rescheduled. I�ve seen nothing but an outpouring of love from Clay Nation upon you needing to postpone. Now, let the rest of your obligations go, and just get well, Clay.

Your Lecherous Broads love you, and want you healthy. We want that for us, because we want to see and hear you again. But even more so, we want you well for you, because we love you. We can�t help caring about you.

(In all kinds of ways ;-)

Nelle