2004-10-31
12:37 a.m.

It's the Great Punkin!

Once upon a time, Linus Van Pelt, a Brude from the beginning, composed his annual letter to the Great Punkin. Linus learned early on that being a fan of Clay Aiken was rewarding and fun...plus the chicks really dug it. Brudes are way smart.

But, even in Cartoon-Land, anti-Punkin prejudice runs rampant.

Charlie Brown: Who are you writing to, Linus?

Linus: This is the time of year to write to the Great Punkin. On Halloween night, Clay Aiken rises out of his pumpkin patch on this really neat lighted staircase, singing these great songs, and giving all the girls these looks, and...well, it's kinda cool.

Charlie Brown: You're crazy! I can�t believe you're still listening to that guy. He's got no edge, no originality, don�t you know that?

Linus: No edge? No originality? Since when is being just like everybody else edgy and original? Why are you so threatened?

Charlie Brown: Threatened? By Clay Aiken? You're out of your mind. When are you gonna stop believing that some guy who sang on some lame talent show could ever be a real star?

Linus: When you stop believing that greasy hair and a tattoo gives a musician substance.

Charlie Brown: We are obviously separated by denominational differences.

Sally: What are you doing, Linus?

Linus: I'd rather not say. You might laugh. Or give me a passel of crap like your blockhead brother.

Sally: Oh, I'd never laugh at you, Linus. You're so intelligent. And you have such good taste in music.

Linus: I'm writing to the Great Punkin.

Sally: You say the cutest things!

Linus: On Halloween night, Clay Aiken rises out of the pumpkin patch, bringing joy to all the girls everywhere! Wouldn't you like to sit with me in the most sincere pumpkin patch on Halloween night and wait for him?

Sally: Oh, I'd love to, Linus! Maybe he'll sign that copy of Non-Threatening Boys Weekly that my friend Lisa Simpson gave me!

Charlie Brown: What's going on here? What are you trying to do to my little sister? As if she'd be interested in someone like THAT.

Linus: Good grief!

Later, as Linus and Sally were enjoying the cool October evening and listening to MP3s of performances from Clay's Not A Tour tour, musical snob Charlie Brown, with all his frustrations about what "real" music is, worrying about what it would look like to his friends that his little sister could even consider listening to what he thought was uninteresting, saccharine garbage, got just what he deserved.

Violet: I got InStyle Magazine's Sexiest Male Singer of 2004!

Charlie Brown: I got Kid Rock.

Meanwhile, in the most sincere pumpkin patch as far as the eye could see, where you could look all around and see not a sign of hypocrisy, Linus and Sally could hear the faint opening chords of U2's Where The Streets Have No Name growing louder and louder...and were about to get quite a surprise.

Linus: There he is!! There he is!! It's the Great Punkin!! ::faints::

Sally, on the other hand, demonstrated incredible Broadly resolve for her young years, which impressed the Great Punkin so much, he bestowed upon Sally her very own B.I.R.D. She wears it every day with pride, and hopes that someday her blockhead brother will come to his senses.

When Linus awoke from his fanboyish faint, he found Sally and Clay were nowhere to be found, but a commemorative "I Danced with the Great Punkin" tshirt was at his feet. He realized that while Brudes might be able to attract the chicks, once the Punkin himself is around, it's Sydney or the Bush.*

-- Story and graphic blandishment by Julie, with love to Charles Schulz and the entire Peanuts gang (especially Linus), always and forever.

* Okay, I know that's really obscure, but I swear it�s a Peanuts reference...and you'll just have to trust me. ;o)