Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2005-11-01
2:14 p.m.

The InsideOuter: JNT2005 Preview

(with Wendy and Katynka)

Wendy: Tonight on The InsideOuter, Clay Aiken gives us a sneak preview of his Joyful Noise Tour.

Clay: That's the Joyful Noise Tour 2005

Kat: Oh--

Clay: Starring Clay Aiken

Wendy: We--

Clay: Written by Clay Aiken

Kat: Um--

Clay: Directed by Clay Aiken

Wendy: We didn't know you were a director!

Clay: Oh yes. Ah've been directing for years. It started back when Ah was a hand model.

Ah directed our high school production of The Sound of Music. Ah also made the costumes. Luckily my mother specializes in window treatments, so Ah had lots of curtain fabric to work with. Ah made the costumes for this tour too!

Kat: Really!

Clay: Ah know mah Broads like tiaras, so Ah made sure that the costumes for JNT included some. Just look how authentic this one looks.

Wendy: Beautiful! Speaking of costumes, you mentioned this show was conceived while you were in your pajamas ... any plans to be on stage in your pajamas??

Clay: Uh, no ...

Wendy and Kat: Dang!

Clay: ...but Ah will be wearing a new black on black ensemble ...

Wendy and Kat: Oooooh!

Wendy and Kat: *drool*

Kat: Is it true that you even did the choreography?

Clay: Why yes ... Ah was sitting there in mah jammies when it hit me .. you know Ah have trouble with my feet when Ah dance, so Ah thought, why not have people dance sitting down?

Wendy: Um, sure. Why not?

Clay: Ah invented all the moves. Let me show you. Dancers! Let's demonstrate the Sleigh Ride sequence for these ladies.

Dancers: *grumble grumble*

Clay: Nolan, don't start that again. Now do it like Ah showed you...dance with your shoulders and your hands hanging down like leaves dangling from the trees just before they fall off ...

Clay: And then a quick JERK!

Kat: Oooooohhhhhhhh ...

Wendy: Um, nice dance. Moving on.... Kat, quit hand-dancing!

Kat: *small voice* Sorry *slips in one more shoulder move*

Wendy: Moving on....Is that a real snow machine??

Clay: Of course! Ah built it mahself! Nothing but the best for the Joyful Noise Tour 2005!! Ah also built this set.

Clay: Look how sturdy it is!

Wendy and Kat: Mmm...nice... set.

Kat: *whispers* Wendy, did you see the PANTS?

Wendy: *staring* Uh-huh.

Clay: Ah was also casting director. For the part of the young boy, Ah was able to get a promising young actor who just co-starred in Napoleon Dynamite.

Clay: And Ah'm tutoring him, too. It's amazing the money you can save when you don't have to hire tutors and set designers and choreographers and things like that.....Here's a picture of us walking to one of our tutoring sessions.

Kat: What's with the shirt, Clay?

Clay: Oh, Ah'm campaign manager for an old friend of mine. He also performs in the show. Well, him and 20 of the best danged dancing penguins this country has ever seen. Ah'm telling you, this show is going to be spectacular spectacular!

Wendy: Oooookay. Can't wait to see that.

Kat: So let me see if we got this right. For the Joyful Noise Tour...

Clay: Joyful Noise Tour 2005

Kat: Yes, the Joyful Noise Tour 2005, you are writer/director/costume designer/choreographer/set designer/casting director/tutor/penguin campaigner?

Clay: You got a problem with that?

*Kat and Wendy take a step back*

Kat: Um, no.

*whispering to each other ...*

Kat: Uh, Clay .. do you think the Writer/Director/Costume Designer/Choreographer/Set Designer/Casting Director/Tutor/Penguin Campaigner can go away for a minute and let us see Singer Clay???

*Wendy shakes head in agreement*

Wendy and Kat: Ooooh!

Wendy and Kat: Ahhhhhhh!

Kat and Wendy: *sigh*

***

--Written by the Wentynka (aka Wendy in Fl and Katynka), with some dynamite inspiration from Melissa.

--Caps/Gifs by Wendy in Fl

--Photoshopped by Katynka

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