2005-03-01
9:05 p.m.

Numb3rs

Tonight on Numb3rs ...

Special Agent, Terry Lake: Charlie, I need your help.

Professor Charlie Eppes: Sure .. anything.

::Terry scratches her head and shifts ... a little embarassed::

Terry: It's not your typical FBI crime solving sort of problem ..

Charlie: Okaaaay ... is everything alright?

Terry: Fine. I think. Ya see, there's this guy - but not just any guy -

Charlie: This isn't about my brother is it?

Terry: NO ... no. I have a confession to make ... I sit at my desk everyday and all I do is surf the net ... google ... check the Message Boards ... read the Broads ...

::Charlie pauses::

Charlie: Did you say 'read the Broads?'

Terry: Never mind. Anyway, have you ever heard of Clay Aiken?I was thinking ... if I knew he was going to be around for a while - maybe I could actually function like a real person again ... he's had so much success so fast - I just don't see how he can keep it up ... I was wondering if you could use numbers to predict his chances of continued success ... Can you help me?

::Charlie grabs the nearest dry erase board and begins to frantically write numbers and symbols ::

Charlie: The future is unpredictable, but here's what we currently know. Clayton Holmes Aiken's first album sold roughly 3 million copies ... His second album - a Xmas album no less - set records ...

::Charlie continues scribbling::

Terry: Is that an equation?

Charlie: ::putting down the pen:: This? No, this is a recipe for later. Listen, he sang at the MAP two years in a row - which by the way is starting to constitute a trend ... He did experience an anomoly a few years ago ... but since then everything has been moving along quite nicely for him. He's frequently on the Lycos 'top searches' list ... and there's the biggest grossing concerts of 2004 ...

Terry: Wait ... how do you know all of this?

Charlie: I'm a geeky professor .. you do the math ... no pun. Look .. he's been named Education Ambassador for all Children Worldwide by Unicef ... He has a Foundation named after him .. He published a 'best selling' book and a few days ago he was on 'Scrubs' ...

Terry: You saw that?

Charlie: Of course!

Terry: So you're saying that I don't need an equation ... the handwriting is on the wall.

Charlie: Exactly. And that doesn't even begin to account for the awards he's won ... AMA Fan Favorite ... BMA Biggest Selling Single ... Patrick Swayze Dirty Dancing Award ... Spongebob Squarepants of Perfection ...

Terry: Uh .. Charlie ... those aren't real.

Charlie: What do you mean? Of course they're real.

Terry: Wait, you're ... how do you know about those ... you're a Brude aren't you?

Charlie: Brude, wha-, Brude? I have no idea what you mean!

::Charlie begins to twitch and laugh nervously::

::Terry walks to Charlie's chalkboard and turns it over to reveal some interesting clack::

Terry: Glendale Clay ...

Terry: Atlanta Clay ...

Terry: And Wildcard Clay ... Charlie, you're a brude!!!

:: Charlie's older brother, Don Epps rounds the corner::

Don: Found out about your little 'Claysession,' eh? You are soooooo busted.

Written by: Wendy in FL ... who is a nerd and *hearts* numb3rs ...