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2004-09-29
2:11 p.m.
The First Presidential Debate
By Sandi
The Questions for the Presidential Debates have been leaked to a few select correspondents and I am passing them on to the Lecherous Broads. Please keep this hush-hush as we do not wish to give an advantage to either candidate.
GUN CONTROL
Doesn't the Constitution currently state that every man has the Right to Bear Arms? Do you really think that our forefathers meant for everyone to do this?
FOLLOW UP... Shouldn't this Right To BARE Arms only be given to those with soft, downy hairs and light sprinkles of freckles, adorning long, sinewy arms? SOCIAL SECURITY Should Clay Aiken continue to wear Stripey shirts in public or do they make him appear too nerdy? Should he return to wearing leather jackets which compliment better the longer sideburns? FOLLOW UP.. If he feels more secure in social situations wearing his traditional native costume, shouldn't we cease to criticize his choices? FOREIGN AFFAIRS QUESTION.. When traveling overseas to places such as Ireland and England,should Clay Aiken attach his keys to a mitten holder that will hang around his neck? FOLLOW UP... Should he be allowed to have a Foreign Affair? AFFAIRS OF STATE QUESTION... Should a law be passed making it mandatory that Clay Aiken visit every state in the Union at least once a year? FOLLOW UP... Should he be allowed to have an affair with more than one Broad in every state? PRESCRIPTION DRUGS When will there be a drug for SARS... one that will not cure the condition but will make it destroy the immune systems of the remaining Clay Aiken Bashers? FOLLOW UP.. Will you arrange for purchasers to travel to Canada legally to buy said drug...and attend a Clay Aiken concert at the same time? DEFENSE When will it be legal at concerts to forcefully remove women who block your view of Clay Aiken .. without being subject to arrest? FOLLOW UP... Could this also include the freedom to tape the mouths of those who holler I LOVE YOU , CLAY, during Acoustic sets? FARM SUBSIDIES Would you support a law that grants subsidies to small ranches that specialize in the growth and nurturing of young stalks? FOLLOW UP... Could those subsidies be increased if they prove to be extremely fertile places? ENERGY Would you grant money to study the amazing increase in energy levels in Middle aged women around the country? FOLLOW UP... Could this study also investigate the world wide overactive thyroids of those who visit twenty US cities in the span of three months? CONSUMER AFFAIRS Should Ebay be restricted to only sales of Clay Aiken materials and all new computers have a special button that takes one directly to Clay Aiken web sites? FOLLOW UP... Never mind....I already have that! FREEDOM OF CHOICE Shouldn't women everywhere have the right to control their own bodies and writhe, wiggle, scream and moan whenever they wish..without being ridiculed by husbands, children and the media? .. FOLLOW UP... Should condoms be passed out at Clay Aiken Concerts to prevent a Population Explosion nine months later? THE ECONOMY Is there a way to ensure that there will always be enough money in the pockets of Americans who wish to travel, consume durable goods and do their part to help the economy grow? FOLLOW UP.. Would you support lowering taxes on women who spend more that 5,000 dollars a year on Depends? ENVIRONMENT Do you believe that the river is wide and should remain so? Do you agree that this is the day when all our tomorrows begin...that, together, we can find the way? FOLLOW UP.. Is Burberry environmentally friendly? JOBS Are you aware that jobs can be found in new and creative ways? Will you visit the Wild BEVR Ranch and see for yourself how, thru ingenuity and vision,unemployment can be eradicated? FOLLOW UP.. If you are not elected President in November, would you be interested in mucking out some stalls?THE WAR AGAINST TERRORISM
Finally, do you promise to promote love and peace around the world by sending the message that we are really all ONE people...who want to raise our children in a peaceful , safe world? Will you vow to Listen, to Discuss, to Think, to Care...and will you, as a reminder, play Clay Aiken's Measure Of A Man every day of your presidency?And will you try with every fiber of your being to be THAT kind of a man? FOLLOW UP ... If you do all these things, Gentlemen, there will be no need for a follow up!!
Written By: Sandi
Posted By: Wendy in FL ...
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