2003-12-02
3:25 p.m.

Broadmuda Triangle: Sarah

Let me start by saying that I was putting off writing this Broadmuda because I was highly intimidated by those of my fellow Broads. You are all so creative and witty�linking Triangles to your love for Clay and recounting past crushes and making it all seem so DEEP and BEAUTIFUL. How on earth was I ever going to compete with that? Then I realized that this isn�t a competition. Silly me. This is telling it like it is�taking others on our journeys from Clay fan to Lecherous Broad! How�d it happen? When did it begin? And I figure I�ve got as unique a story as anyone else since it is in fact, MY story!

I was a fan of American Idol before the season that killed all future seasons. I watched Kelly Clarkson blow away the competition and absolutely fell in love with the whole idea. And much to my amazement, my fiance enjoyed the show too! This was thrilling, because we rarely agree on TV programs. We love the same movies but can never decide what to watch on television. But AI suited us both. I�ve always loved music and I�ve always loved singing (it�s really a shame that I can�t sing worth a darn and would pass out if even made to hum on stage.) Fiance has quite a sarcastic sense of humor and he loved Sl*mon�s snark and the hideous butchering of classic songs.

So I lived vicariously through the contestants that year�I cried with Kelly when she won. Oh how fabulous! Oh how thrilling! Could ANYTHING be more exciting than that night?

*ahem*

The next season I dove in headfirst. I hadn�t caught many of the city audition episodes from the previous season, so this time I made sure to watch them. I still remember (as we all do, I know) Clay walking in there to face Simon and Randy. Fiance started to chuckle. �Oh no! This should be good!� He was ready for failure and I couldn�t argue with him. This young man DIDN�T look like a pop star. I couldn�t imagine him having much of a voice. But at the same time�he was kinda�cute! I couldn�t believe it or admit it. I just stayed silent. (Now I know it was intuition and not ignorance that was influencing my feelings.)

Of course, Clayton Aiken blew us both away. I was left grinning ear to ear and Fiance� was literally gasping for air. �Whoa�WOW! WOW!� Later, I caught glimpses of Clay now and then on the Hollywood episode and always pointed him out. Fiance� had to recount the time we�d first seen him. �He just didn�t look like he could sing and then POW! That was awesome! HAHAHA!� I would just smile. I had this feeling. I know it�s corny, but y�all had it too so I don�t feel so bad.

I�m not going to narrate every moment in Clay�s American Idol history because you were there too and it�s been done so many times. �When he didn�t make it I was so upset but I knew he�d be back for the Wild Card!� �I knew he�d make it as the Wild Card!� �I was so glad he made it as the Wild Card!� We�re all in agreement here, so I�ll just skip ahead.

Movie Night did me in. Not to say that I wasn�t diggin� me some Clayton on Motown Night because I totally was. I even remember telling my parents, �He�s my favorite,� as he crooned �Sugar Pie Honey Bunch.� But please keep in mind that at this point, I was an AMERICAN IDOL fan. I was carefully narrowing down my picks�trying not to be too hasty. I liked Ruben (I know, I know. Please don�t scorn me.) I liked Kimberly Locke, although I was horrified at that red Devil costume she wore that first night. I liked Ricky and AT THAT TIME I even liked Kimberly Caldwell. Boy how that changed.

But on Movie Night, when Clay sang �Somewhere Out There,� I knew he was singing to me. I sat on my bed watching it on my tiny little television, and from the excitement I felt, he could have been standing in my bedroom with me. I was tense as a board, hanging on every note and trying to figure out exactly WHAT it was about him that made him so incredibly attractive. I bounced up and down at the end, literally squealing. It was crazy! I don�t know if it was the eyelash fluttering or the unbelievably humble response the judges� praise or what, but right then and there I�d found him: Clay Aiken � American�s Hottest Pop Sensation.

As I so often do when something grabs my attention, I ran to my computer. I didn�t expect to find much, but I knew that the American Idol website would have some stuff about him. They did�but their information was already outdated. I used several different search engines to search for Clay and I did find a few things. One website,claytonaiken.com, had screencaps (Screencaps! Look at this amazing invention! It�s like�the TV�except it�s�.PAUSED! THANK YOU LORD!) from all of his previous performances. I studied each one, marveling at how cute he was. I don�t remember the exact number of sites I went to before I found the LBFCA, but I do know I was in quite a tizzy by the time I got here.

The first post I saw was from Founding Broad Lisa. She was talking about the famous eye flutter that had me all mussed up at the end of SOT. I was shocked that someone else had noticed that! I thought it was just my own observation. I started to go through the archives (which at that time was a whole 6 pages I think.) and just laughed my butt off. I couldn�t believe these women! They were so hip and cool, but yet so head-over-heels for Clay Aiken! I was amazed! Yet the more I watched them stew and obsess over Clay, the more I felt myself stewing and obsessing over Clay. This place was hilarious. This place was contagious. This place was addictive. (I actually remember struggling to remember the initials while on a computer away from home. Was it LFBAC? LBACF? I didn�t actually remember what they STOOD for at the time, stupid me, so I couldn�t figure out the order. It was so frustrating because that meant I couldn�t stop in to see what these women were saying.) I loved how at the end of each post they would say �Discuss.� That seemed so special�like I was sitting in a board meeting of some kind. The sophistication mixed with completely innuendo-laden humor was hilarious. I loved this place.

Eventually I got up the nerve to post in the guestbook. Back then that�s all it was. A guestbook! I don�t know when it turned into the PP�s�I suppose if we went back to look we�d find out. But on Thursday, March 20th 2003, I posted the following on the sacred Purple Pages:

�*lets out a sign of relief* I FOUND YOU! I knew you were out there and now I�ve stumbled into your midst and OH BOY how I belong here!!!! =o) I simply searched �Clay Aiken� on a search engine (never mind that it was the seventh search engine in which I�ve done so�) and found your site! After reading one post I KNEW that I was going to LOVE you gals! I know Clay is amazing. I know that every time I see him my palms sweat and my lips curl up into a cheesy, 10-year-old-at-a-New-Kids-On-The-Block-concert kind of smile. I know that his eyes are the most amazing shade of greeny-blue that I have EVER seen in my entire life, but somehow they look oh-so-much-more beautiful when they are CLOSED AND FLUTTERING! (How can this be?!?!?) I know that he looks better and sounds better to me every time I see or hear him�and it doesn�t matter what he looks or sounds like at the time (but of course it�s always amazing, isn�t it?) Egad, what he does to me. I know that when he mouths, �thank you� to the judges, looking so sincerely humble and thankful, I�m tempted to (and sometimes actually do) mouth, �No Clay, thank you!� back! I know that when he simple bops his head to a beat or dips to one side instead of spazzing all over the stage (like certain contestants *Julia* that I will refrain *corey* from mentioning *carmen*) I feel a deep appreciation for his common sense and art form! I know that he�s afraid of water, which makes me want to dedicate my life to being a lifeguard so I can help him overcome this fear! (Otherwise, you realize, there is NO hope for us to see him without his shirt. You see?!? You SEE these thoughts that I have?!?! Ridiculous. Unstoppable!!!) I knew all of this from the very first time I saw the guy�YES even with the dorky, dorky red hair. But the accent was the same�the mannerisms were the same�that VOICE�oh holy cow that voice has hypnotic powers. And he just has the cutest little nose. Blah blah blah..I just can�t stop! You gals are AWESOME. I am pleased beyond words (which I know, at this point, must be hard for you to imagine) to see that there are others out there like me. I knew there were. I heard the screams in the crowd when they would mention sweet little Clay�s name�(and don�t you love the SMILE? The smile that says �Wow�they really like me!�) I saw the signs in the crowd�and I TOO AM AIKEN FOR CLAY!!!�

That�s where it started. (See, I�ve always been long-winded.) Eventually the guestbook did turn into a sort of message board/forum. It grew quickly...every day the Broads added to their number. And every day I noticed two things: 1. Everyone and their mother were falling in love with Clay! 2. Everyone falling in love with Clay was my mother�s age or older!

Yes, it was true. The Broads were a group far more mature, far more experienced and far�let�s face it�older than I. It didn�t take me long to realize that. And I thought about going to other boards where maybe Clay fans my own age hung out, but they all left me feeling so unsatisfied. The conversations on the purple pages were stimulating (in all the right ways). I enjoyed the wit and the humor, the bantering, the lechery and the relationships. But I�ll be honest; I kept my age under wraps for the longest time. If you go back and look at my posts�I kept mentions of college, work and age far from my messages. I didn�t want anyone to know. I thought for sure they would all boot my butt as far from the Broad Bus as possible. I didn�t want to be rejected or ignored because I was so much younger than everyone else. I knew that women came here because they felt it was a place to relate. The unique thing about the LBFCA (or at least I thought) was the fact that it was a group of women who WEREN�T teenyboppers, all longing for a much younger man. I didn�t fit in that group and I was worried that if this were discovered, I�d be banned. (No officially, but filtered out maybe?)

But I stayed. For the longest time I stayed and fell in love with each one of you. I relate so well to the comments made on this board. I think it has a great deal to do with the way I was raised. I always listened to oldies music, watched black and white movies and musicals. I loved Gene Kelly movies, Leslie Gore records and Bye Bye Birdie. I know things about actors and musicians that most people my age have never even heard of. My own generation boggles my mind and to be honest, I have few friends my age. I get along much better with those older than myself. I don�t know why. I try to fit in with �my crowd,� but just can�t seem to do it. It seemed that even over the Internet, I was drawn to a group that I didn�t belong in. But I tried to believe I faked well enough to stay.

For a couple of months this Summer, though, I was forced to drift away from the PP�s. A mixture of real life and an amazing growth in the number of posts here just overwhelmed me and I couldn�t keep up. I would check in here and there but I couldn�t stay on top of anything, so I gave up trying.

My concert was on August 21st, so a couple of weeks beforehand I started to come here again, reading the BEVR�s and getting prepped for my own experience. During that time I tried very hard to read all the posts on the PP�s and was delighted to see that, though many faces had changed, the atmosphere remained in tact. That spark was still there. It was so comfortable that I had to stay.

So here I am. I�m more addicted to Clay Aiken and to the Broads than ever before. This place IS home, and that�s that. I�ve come to realize that the women (and MEN! Thank Heaven for our wonderful Brudes) here are not by any means petty. You are all so intelligent and kind, so warm and devoted. Nothing bad could come from this group -I�m convinced of it. Heck, I�m so convinced of it that I got up the nerve to �come out� about my age at the dance party the other night. The response was expected (�YOU�RE 20!!! WTF?!?!?!?!� *haha*) but not negative. I�m partially glad that you were all shocked � that means that I don�t stick out like a dull bulb among the shining beacons that are the Lecherous Broads.

I love Clay Aiken and I love the LBFCA. I don�t think that these things can ever be separated in my mind. This ride�no, this JOURNEY could not have been nearly as exciting or as fulfilling if not for this place. I�ve had Internet friends before, but never like you. You�re all amazing, beautiful people and only someone like Clay could have brought such perfect humans together in one place.

I only hope that this goes on forever and that real life never drains the fun or joy out of this experience. I, for one, plan on holding on as long as possible. And if I lose my grip, somebody toss me a rope, ok? I don�t want to leave. Ever.