Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2005-12-27
8:50 p.m.

A True Blue Spectacle

(Get it? Huh?)

Do you realize that it was just over two years ago when we first saw this?

Yeah, that Disneyworld parade aired on Christmas Day, but he'd taped the segment earlier in the month. Before that December radio-station-concert "tour" thingy. He'd been sick, and was unable to wear his contacts. So, for the first time since we saw him audition in Atlanta, he was wearing glasses.

I can just imagine how worried he was about it. I'm sure that, somewhere in that beautiful head of his, he had the idea that he should never be seen in glasses again. Especially on TV. I�m sure he thought glasses made him ugly. Nerdy. That guy he didn't want to be anymore.

It's probably why he found those rimless jobs. (no, no, no...I did NOT say "rim job"...stop snickering! I'll turn this car around right now!) He wanted them to disappear on his face. He didn't want them to really show up on camera. He didn�t want that year's worth of "makeover" to be ruined by eye irritation. If I have to wear glasses, they're gonna have to be invisible ones. Ha. Invisible. Ah'm so funny.

Little did he know.

When those pictures first surfaced, as I recall, the internet practically exploded from the heat. Suddenly, women everywhere were flashing back to that moment when we first saw him. The moment when that cute nerdy guy from North Carolina made us all sit up and take notice. Before we knew anything about his personality and sense of humor. Before he sang a single note. Before we knew how hairy his forearms were or that he had a perfect little caboose. Just a beautiful face, with a beautiful nose that happened to have a pair of thick glasses sitting on it. Something I honestly didn't think I'd see again, and it made me a little sad.

But there they were again. Glasses on that nose. That's some good stuff.

And then you add to that the look on his face in the most famous of shots from that day. Serious. Almost stern. Commanding. And then it hit us:

Principal Aiken.

Young lady, I'll see you in my office after class.

Yes, sir.

Guh.

He unwittingly tapped into every fantasy we had about teachers/principals with those glasses. Sure, we knew he was a teacher, but until that moment, he didn�t seem like *our* teacher. The message boards went crazy, filling with scenarios about detention and clapping erasers and schools where you could still get paddled for being a naughty gurrl.

It had to have surprised him. I can see him now, scrolling along on his laptop, shaking his head and giggling to himself after reading pages and pages of discussion about those glasses. Wondering if we'd be this excited if he showed up on TV wearing ill-fitting polyester slacks and a pocket protector. (Bring it, Nerd-boy.)

So, even though he usually can wear his contacts just fine, sometimes he gives us a little treat. 'Cuz he knows we dig it.

Mercy.

And he even got bold enough to go tortoiseshell on us a coupla times. Cheeky monkey.

Can't do it every day (It's irritating when your eyelashes scrape along the back of a lens, isn't it? Ah, the price he pays to make us happy.), but he�ll do it just enough.

Just enough.

'Cuz that�s the kinda nerd he is. ;o)

-- Julie, with special thanks to Stacia Lynn for capturing one of the most riveting shots EVER!

Principal Aiken: Young lady, did you write "rim job" on the mainpage? You *do* know what that means, don't you?

Honor Student Julie: Well, I've never *done it*, but I know it's when you lick...

Principal Aiken: (puts his hand over her mouth) No, no, no! It means after-school detention for you. In my office.

Honor Student Julie: Thank you, sir. (smooths the pleats in her plaid skirt) I'll be sure to be late for detention, too.

Principal Aiken: Why would you do that? That means I'd only pun-...oh. Ohhhh.

Honor Student Julie: (skips off to class, whistling)

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