2003-10-18
10:12 p.m.

MOAM Week: The View

Man Sniffs and Little Kicks

SCENE ONE

(NYC. The View Studio. Friday morning.)

CLAY: All right, who's dancin'? C'mon, who's dancin'? You want me to get it started? I'll get it started!

MELISSA: Sweet fancy Moses!

SCENE TWO

(Marie�s house. Saturday afternoon.)

MARIE: So, how was The View?

KAT: Song was good.

MARIE: So I didn't miss anything?

KAT: Well, actually you did miss one nugget of entertainment. (Pause) Have you ever seen Clay dance?

MARIE: Clay danced?

KAT: It was more like a full bodied dry heave set to music.

MARIE: Did he do the little kicks and the thumbs?

KAT: What, you mean you know about this?

MARIE: For some time. It was about five months ago. I never knew what to say to him about it. It was one of those problems I hoped would just go away.

KAT: Well, sometimes you can't help these people 'til they hit rock bottom.

SCENE THREE

(Marie�s house. Saturday evening)

CLAY: Well, I have lost complete control of my band. Why did I let Kat go to The View? I mean, we were having so much fun. We were wining, we were dining, we were dancing. (He starts dancing. KELLY flips out) What?

KELLY: (She shows him) This umpf thing.

CLAY: It's dancing.

KELLY: No, no. That ain't dancing, Sally.

CLAY: I dance fine.

KELLY: You stink. (She exits)

CLAY: She doesn't know what she's talkin' about. (MARIE fake laughs) Marie? Marie, I'm a good dancer, right?

MARIE: I forgot to make my bed. (She tries to get away)

CLAY: Marie, do I stink?

MARIE: All right, you're beyond stink.

CLAY: But I really enjoy dancing.

MARIE: And that's not helpin' either. That's why you're havin' trouble with your band, not because of Kat.

CLAY: It's that bad?

MARIE: Have you ever seen yourself? (He starts dancing) Ah, ah, please, please. Not in my home.

-inspired by Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David
-text by Spike Feresten
-tweaked by Marie and Katynka
-special thanks to Tony and eyerish at PRoC for screencaps
-cheered on by Kelly
-dedicated to Sweet Fancy Melissa

POSTSCRIPT from Marie and Katynka

In spite of the "little kicks," Clay remained totally hot from the waist up.

Who are we kidding? The little kicks were hot, too.

And so is the WAIST DOWN.

FIN