I know that this is not hysterically funny or very lecherous but I hope that it will interest or entertain you.

Each step I take is a leap of faith because I am terrified when I walk even though my physical therapist insists that she does not see me falter when I walk and that there is no reason for me to be so afraid. She walks me down long hallways and tells me that my walking looks very steady to her and that I feel wobbly because my leg gets tired and the way that I can help that is to walk more and for longer distances. Sometimes I force myself to walk by telling myself that Clay says perseverance is important and that he might admire me for making myself do something that is so difficult and important. I may be crazy and deluded, but, hey, it works.

I hope that I will not disqualify myself as a Broad if I share my non-lecherous Clay fantasy with you. In it Clay is standing in my home looking drop dead gorgeous in the way that only he can. He smiles at me and says,

I probably have lost it when it comes to Clay. I know this is silly and that I may be seriously deranged, but sometimes in my fantasy I have Clay reach out his wonderful arms and give me one of his beaming smiles and say, "I will be right here."

Yes, IWCY is one of my favorite songs. I have tried to put his adorable giggle in, but one does not work in this fantasy. Rest assured, dear Broads, Clay's beautiful expressive face and gorgeous body have inspired many a fantasy, most of them more lecherous than this one, in me. I trust that all of you are kind enough to not laugh at my somewhat pathetic fantasy.

On my more challenging days I have trouble being as thankful for my life as I think that I should be. I live, and probably always will, with chronic pain as well as my paralysis. I know that it is not admirable, and please don't tell Clay, but some days I wallow in thinking that my life is too hard and I do not know if I can stand to live with this pain much longer. Some days I misplace my strength of character and drift off into thinking that I would be better off if I had died back in 12/99 when everyone expected me to. I jerk myself back from that dark place by telling myself of course you don't wish that Alice because if you had you would have missed Clay and the Broads. On days when I have lost all hope, Clay buoys my spirits. I listen to BOTW and look at the BOTW screen caps (thank you Kat) with Clay's radiant face and other pictures with Clay's joyful smile. It amazes me how a dose of good clack can bring me back from the brink of despair.

Clayton Aiken makes me glad that I am alive and that is a wonderful gift that he has given me. I don't think that I will ever have an opportunity to thank Clay for all that he has given to me, but I can thank all of you Broads for being the wonderful, warm, articulate and witty women that you are. Thank you for accepting me into this delightful community. As Clay says, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It means a lot to me to be included. I still am here inside this less than perfect body and even though I have some daunting physical challenges I see myself as being like other people. Unfortunately not everyone that I encounter is willing to see me as a normal person. Far too many people assume that the fact that I use a wheelchair means that I am not capable of thinking or communicating clearly. That is so not true and it makes me very angry. I think that if people would just look at my face rather than my wheelchair they would see the spark of intelligence that is still very much there. Friends tell me that my eyes still sparkle and I know that I do not have a vacant stare and that my speech is fine. I want to yell at people that my brain is not in my left leg and that there is no known correlation between cognitive abilities and paralysis. I also want to scream out at the world that I am a person.

In conclusion, when I think about Clay, which is very easy for me to do, I can manage to be thankful that I am alive. I love everything about him and every time that I hear him sing I am overwhelmed by how talented and special he is. One of the certainties of my life is that I know that I will never tire of listening to Clay sing.