2003-07-12
1:23 a.m.

BEVR: Katynka/Columbus

You all�know the drill by now:� Smoke, White leather. Jersey clutching.

One might be afraid that now we've seen the pics and heard the music and watched THAT DAMN VIDEO CLIP, the show would lose its magic.

Have no fear.� It's one thing to see the white leather in a still photo, another to watch it throughout a long medley, the equivalent of hundreds of still photos, and to focus on just how well those white pants reveal the measure of this man.�

MnM's video clip of Invisible�is hot--damn hot--and will be subject to much close scrutiny on my part for weeks to come.� But seeing that performance live, feeling the electricity of the crowd as he runs across the stage is incredible. This encore was clearly what the crowd had been waiting for all night.� And it was worth the wait.� At this moment, any doubt that a man-breasted Brit might have about our boy being a pop star was completely erased.� Buttercup knows how to work a crowd like nobody's business.

The boy is smokin'.�

The concert began inauspiciously with looping ads for Pop-tarts and Stayfree.� As we watched the hypnotically spinning Pop-tart logos projected on the curtain (thank the lord they were not accompanied by spinning tampons), I could not help but watch all the feet moving around behind the curtain hoping to catch a glimpse of some 13 and a halfs. But no luck.

Eventually, breakfast pastries�and feminine protection gave way to a video montage of our American Idols.� There was a very noticeable surge in audience reaction every time Clay was on screen, with somewhat less strongly enthusiastic applause for Ruben, and polite church lady clapping for some of the others.

We then worked through the nine remaining finalists.� Some reactions to each:

1. Charlie:� He was used in the concert mainly to show off his dancing since he and Rickey seem to be the only two who can really dance (although Clay did show that he can move just fine).

2.� Julia:� As you know, she ascends on a couch, which worked well.� It not only comforted me by suggesting that's she's been getting some therapy for the stage fright that hampered her AI performances, but it also briefly prevented her from moving about the stage.� She was quite pretty in singing Beautiful.� But once she got off the couch, we were reminded that she is the most rhythmless creature on the planet.

3. Rickey: His voice came off quite nicely in the show.

4. KimberMe: She wore skanky clothes, strutted around thrusting her arm in the air, and tried to get in the front of every shot.� It's good to see she's continuing to develop as an artist.� Her less than stellar vocal performance was not helped by background visuals that resembled oozing pus nor by her bizarre dead poodle�hairdo (which led�my friend Honey to call her "A Charo for a whole new generation.")

5. Carmen: When she first appeared, a girl behind me shrieked loudly.� I could not determine if she was an overzealous yodeling fan or if she�was distressed over the blood running out of her ears. Goat Girl was even worse than I had remembered (I obviously blocked out the trauma). Her dreadful singing was accompanied by choreography that consisted of her awkwardly stomping around stage like Frankenstein's monster�in odd high-heeled pink sneakers she didn't have complete control over.

6. Trenyce: She did a very energetic rendition of Proud Mary. I was a little disturbed seeing her mouth on the jumbo screen, but she performed pretty well.�I guess I just prefer her with my eyes shut.

7. Kim Locke: She looked lovely in a great suit with long jacket and braided hair.� And her voice was on.� She looks much smaller in person than on TV and had some real audience appeal.

8.� What's his name? Oh, yeah. that Aiken kid:� Rose from the stage in a dapper suit and PURPLE tie singing the hell out of TITN.� And he hit the last note beautifully and sweetly.� My only complaint about this number was that the smoke on the stage totally concealed his feet.� This was our first glance of him in real life, and I wanted to see the feet.� But my friend theorized that they had to reveal him to us slowly to avoid panic.� Getting the feet right off the bat could lead to mass hysteria.� I think he may have had his haircut for the video between the Chicago and Columbus concerts. It looked more like the RS hair (yummy).� Oh, and he ended the song with this great flick of the microphone, a "and how was that, ma'am" gesture that took me completely by surprise and just slayed me.� (So much for the angel wings. That boy is a tease.)

9. Ruben got to sing two songs. Sounded nice and reminded me of how good his voice is.� Honey commented that "TV makes him look thinner."

We then had an intermission, which gave us an opportunity to learn more about�the wonders of pop-tarts and feminine protection.� Did you know you can freeze pop-tarts? Or was that the tampons?

After the intermission was the period I refer to as The White Leather Era.� I think Clay should wear this outfit all the time.� Talk about reminding one of Elvis.� And I'm not a huge Elvis fan, nor a fan of white leather.� I admit I was so affected by SARS at this point that my notes are pretty much useless from here on out.� Don't ask me who sang what.� The other people all sang a bunch of songs; the girls did skanky things with a motorcycle; Ruben did a little hip hop; Rickey and Charley danced; and KLo did some pretty numbers.

All my attention was focused on The White Leather.� I noticed things like the cute red soles of his white sneakers, or how adorable the earpieces looked in those ears (which we can see again with the new haircut).� I also came to a couple of not-so-surprising general conclusions:

1. Our boy has charisma.� He knew how to banter with the crowd (pointing out to one sign, "It's upside down, honey"), how to rev them up, and how to completely hold their attention.� When the others tried to do the same thing, it sounded very artificial and forced. With Clay, there was a connection.� When he was not onstage, the energy left the room. And when he has the stage to himself, as in Invisible, the crowd just goes crazy for him.� He has IT, no question.

2. His voice fills an arena like you can't believe.� Prepare yourselves--it's better live than it is recorded.� Yes, the crowd was noisy and the sound system wasn't what it should have been, but even with all that, that voice just sought out every inch of that arena, wrapped itself around�every single person in the audience,�and held us all in its embrace. I can't wait to someday hear him in a more mature venue to really appreciate the voice.

3. The boy is tired.� Despite the energy he showed, he looks a little whipped.� And his speaking voice was hoarse.� It didn't seem to affect his singing (he blew away both To Love Somebody and Do You Feel the Love Tonight as well as the two I've already mentioned), but you could tell when he talked that he's tired.� The good news is that he did say he filmed his video in LA yesterday (which probably accounts for the fatigue).� Yea!

A few general notes on the production:

--Although I loved to see Clay rising from the stage, they did begin to overuse the lifts for exits and entrances so that at one point during a medley Honey commented that it was like the "Hall of Presidents."�

--My friend Brandy and I became a bit irritated by the almost constant references to Ohio.� A couple of "We love you Ohio" and "How you doin' Columbus" is fine, but three per song made it begin to sound like some kind of derogatory name that kids call each other in jr.high ("Whatcha think you're doin', Ohio?")

--I also was put off by the constant stage directions from the singers (with the exception of Clay, who didn't need to tell us to swoon collectively or to scream or to follow his every move).� I don't feel we should be ordered to "clap your hands," "sway," "dance," "sing along," and, my personal favorite "hold your hands up this way." Aren't these supposed to be spontaneous actions on our part (or is it just me being cranky)?

--Going from "Imagine" to "Proud to be an American" seemed odd.� I'm guessing whoever produced the show never really listened to the lyrics of "Imagine." The strangeness was topped off by dancers twirling flags at the end. I half expected Robert Preston to come prancing out on stage in a band uniform. But again, it may just be me being cynical.

Overall, a great concert.� Yes, I wish I didn't have to sit through the other 8 people, but they did provide some comedic entertainment. And seeing Clay live was worth every penny.�

A final note:

I know that some of you may have wished that your concerts were earlier.� I wish I had gone to a later one so I could have benefited from your collective wisdom and experience.� Despite my preparations, I apparently did not practice Appropriate Concert-Going Behavior enough and turned into a grinning idiot who didn't make the most of the�time I had there.� I'm already regretting lost opportunities. Please learn from my mistakes and 1) actually take pictures 2) don't allow yourself to become so overwhelmed that you sit there stunned (much like Julia on AI) and unable to draw Clay's attention to yourself. I'm counting on the broads who follow in my footsteps to take up the banner and go where I was unable to go.� I hope I didn't let you down with the lack of pics (I'm sure Kelly, Nelle, and MnM will dig up some good ones).�

Damn, now I really want to go to another concert so I can do it right.

(Thanks to Honey and Brandy for filling in the gaps left by SARS, and to Odin for getting me in the freezer and for letting me out again.)

Katynka

added the morning after: I'm not rational today. That's been knocked right out of me by a little hockey-jersey-clutchin', white-leather-wearin', DTTR revealin', mic-flickin', thigh-strokin', eye-f***in', smokin', jokin', singin', hunk-o-burnin' libido

Kat

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Note from Nelle: You, too, can participate in the LBFCA Summer Series, and have your Broad's Eye View Report of Clay's Summer Concert Tour on the LBFCA Main Page. Just send it to Nelle via email, and she'll post it ASAP. (If you are a lurker, or otherwise wish to remain anonymous, just let me know that in your email). Don't worry about your BEVR not being the same size or looking the same as anyone elses. Here at LBFCA we celebrate diversity. Every BEVR is unique. This is your personal experience of witnessing what Katynka so gloriously described as "a little hockey-jersey-clutchin', white-leather-wearin', DTTR revealin', mic-flickin', thigh-strokin', eye-f***in', smokin', jokin', singin', hunk-o-burnin' libido."