Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2003-07-25
10:15 p.m.

The Ranch: Health Services

The Ranch: Health Services

On a spread as vast and grand as the Wild BEVR Double-O Ranch, it is essential to have professional staff for our Health Services Office.

Dr. Audra is Chief Medical Officer and Head of Medical Personnel (duties include breeding soundness exams for the Stud, and administering medications, ointments, and anything else he may need).

Dr. in NC is Resident Physician, and will specialize in removing s**mon's peanuts if he steps anywhere near the ranch, as he has long been suspected of extreme jealousy of Our Freckled Stallion and all his devoted Wild BEVRs.

JulieM is our Cardiac Nurse, who devotes all her time to assuring that our buck's big heart is well taken care of.

At the Double-O we are all about reproductive health (shoot, half the Broads read the first edition of "Our Bodies, Ourselves" back in college). So, we employ our own Ranch Sex Ed Teacher, Terry, who champions equal rights with her "no sexual discrimination" policy, then flaunts ageism with her "no one under 25 allowed" rule. She says she makes attendance mandatory and offers private sessions, but I'm sure she meant private lessons.

In our department of Behavioral Medicine and Psychiatric Care, we have Joyce, our psychiatric RN. Even though she has years of experience and an impeccable reputation, there is little interest in her services. Apparently no one around The Ranch wants help (we love our Clayziness, our Obsessive Claypulsive Disorder, and our Claydictions). Joyce spends most of the time tending fences out in the range. But, if Buttercream ever shows up to address his fears of certain fans, we bet she'll dream up some kind of specialized treatment.

Terry is our Ranch Nutritionist, whose goal it is to keep SweetCheeks healthy - monitoring his intake of lots of greens packed with vitamins and minerals - such as collards saut�ed in olive oil with lots of garlic, good served as a bed with anything, or in a bed, yum yum.

Collaborating with Terry is Donna, Ranch Dietician, who, when she's not needed for her responsibilities as Bar Maid, helps plan those high performance meals for our High Performance Stallion, and monitors the recipes to assure avoidance of food allergens.

(We all wish Terry and Donna luck on their project, knowing that SweetCheeks doesn't have the most healthy eatin habits (food-wise), what with ordering up double mashed potatoes instead of veggies).

-

Special appreciation to all the contributors to the LBFCA Ranch Series, including:

Sandi for her song; Marie for the Ranch photos; Cindy and Katynka for the awesome Ranch Gate; our pardners from PRoC, from whom we rustled the to-die-for pic of (oops, Nelle will fill y'all in on that pic after it appears); an unknown Broad at TTC for the bucking Clay; Katynka for her hot hot branding graphics and animation magic; Ruth and Debra for the Stud-Thud Muffin recipe; as well as every Broad and Brude named in the series, who each contributed their own lecherous job description.

Most especially, Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken expresses appreciation to Mr. Clay Aiken, Our Idol Always and Forever, for every way that he inspires our lechery and devotion on a daily basis, for those times when he knows what he's doing to us, and for those times when he just doesn't get it himself.

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