Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!

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7:53 a.m.

The Ranch: Grizzy *hearts* Odin

The Ranch: Grizzy *hearts* Odin

There is a certain pair o' felines who are particularly infamous here at The Double-O Wild BEVR Ranch. We have already introduced you to our Ranch Foreman, Odin.

He is a fine figure of a cat, and has quite a reputation of success. Now, he ain't won any contests, nor nothin,' but he is something of an emerging celebrity, it's like he's The It Cat, of the day, what with him and his melodious mew gittin some recent attention. Apparently he even has sort of a fan following, known as Lecherous Cats fer Odin (LCC). To them he is Idol Odin! To (most of) us he's jest good ol' Odin, same fella we've known since his geeky kitten days. We try to give him a place of solitude and retreat, and, therefore, we keep the location of The Double-O top secret. It's out here in the wild unknown, and we jest refer to the region as Area 919.

Well, now, we have a rather eccentric cat that moved in long ago, our own Miss Grizzy, who is, coincidentally, the founder of LCC.

This gal insists on the 'job-title' of Odin's Kitty Cat Cow Girl. (Like that's a real job.)

The rest of us jest don't get it! Sheesh, it's like she's obsessed with him, and she just goes on and on about how he looks and how he sounds and his great personality and all of his fine feline qualities. She collects all of these photos of him, and zooms in, actually zooms in on her favorite *ahem* parts, like his ears, and his whiskers, and his tail and his big ol' paws (yeah, like she thinks we donít know what that's about). She is practically counting his stripes from tip to tail. We've got magazines with his picture in them strewn around The Ranch. She actually buys multiple copies, keeping one fer perusing, and a spare that is to remain untouched and wrinkle free. How crazy is that? We had to get a subscription to Cat Tracks magazine, jest because they often feature news about Odin.

She downloads everything she can find of and about him from the internet, and, surprisingly, that's a lot of stuff, from songs to pictures to videos to articles and some gazillion number of fan websites. He left The Ranch fer a concert tour some time back, and they had bootleg videos of half his performances. Like, almost immediately. Unbelievable.

Then she tries to tell the rest of us all about her love and lust for her Idol Odin. It's jest gush gush gush all the livelong day.

She is constantly online; she says she's talking with friends who share her "OdinLove" all around the internet, cats that feel the same way as her. She keeps insisting it's not just her. They have, like, little Odinism code words, their own secret language, and everything. Like, Grizzy sez she and all his fans are suffering from "Idol Odinosis," but they don't want no cure. You cain't have a normal conversation with her without some word, or, something she sees, reminding her of an Odin reference, most of it bein a sexual innuendo at that. They know everything about him, you would not believe it, but I'm tellin' ya. Grizzy could probably tell ya where he slept last night, what he likes fer breakfast, where he went to school, and the names of his siblings, not ta mention what outfits he wore on stage, where he's gonna be tomorrow, how many records he has sold, and what TV or radio program he's expected ta be on next week. The list goes on, and on, and on, which seems to contribute to the whole 'cain't have a conversation without some Odin reference' phenomenon.

And the nicknames! You wouldn't believe the things they come up with, like KaramelKitty, and BigO, and Odonis, and sometimes they even slip in foreign language words, like Caballero Cat. It's downright wacky. Not to mention that some of these fans are old enough to be his great great grandma cat. Oh, yeah, he's got em all stirred up, from the wee kits to the grande dames.

Now don't git me wrong, Odin is a nice enough cat, a very fine and admirable fella, and he has done good works with kittens, and loves his mama cat, and is witty and smart. But, with all this ardent attention, the poor cat must be afraid to burp in public. Itís practically a cult. They act as if they know him personally, as if they know how he thinks and feels about things, including them selves.

Then, they go off the deep end in the other direction, too. They git all upset and howl and hiss if they think he's in danger or tired or not enjoying hisself. If the poor cat did burp in public, Grizzy would probably call 911 out of fear he has some life-threatening gastro-intestinal illness. Some critic or t'other made a negative comment about Odin, that she and her friends disagreed with, or considered disrespectful (I cain't even recall what it was, hardly matters). Well, they were all over him like a mama lion protecting her cub, writin letters and emails and calling radio and TV stations, contacting his management company. On, and on, and on. As if Odin's not grown up and able to fend fer his own self.

Plus, Grizzy keeps making all of these sexually laced comments and jokes about her obsession. She even comes up with silly acronyms whey she's trying to hide the naughty words, like OFTFLOIOGC (if yer cain't figure out what that means, then you haven't been around long enough, so go read the dang archives, or git off The Ranch!). The rest of us, are, like, "well, yes, he's cute, and he's got a great purr, but, he's like, kitty cat cute, not whoremonal spikes Tom Cat HOTT.'"

Some outsiders even took Grizzy to task fer being undignified and not behaving like a classy cat. But, we are the Wild BEVR, after all (what do they expect would come out of here?), and we do celebrate diversity. So, we stood up for her, even when we didn't truly see things her way. She seemed touched by our loyalty, but, she knows we jest don't git it. Sometimes, she actually seems amused by the rest of us. As if we're weird fer not seeing 'Odin's wonders,' as she would call them.

Grizzy tends to get all giddy and has a Big Goofy Grin all over herself when there's what she calls an 'Odin Sighting.' She tends to give him his space here at The Ranch, seeming to recognize he's gitting his rest and relaxation here abouts, jest bein hisself. I heard he winked at her once, and she went around the Ranch mewling like she was in heat fer weeks! It's weird, really, a little frightening, even. Have never heard of or seen anything quite like it. She's got a serious problem.


Special appreciation to all the contributors to the LBFCA Ranch Series, including:

Sandi for her song; Marie for the Ranch photos; Cindy and Katynka for the awesome Ranch Gate; our pardners from PRoC, from whom we rustled the to-die-for pic of (oops, Nelle will fill y'all in on that pic after it appears); an unknown Broad at TTC for the bucking Clay; Katynka for her hot hot branding graphics and animation magic; Ruth and Debra for the Stud-Thud Muffin recipe; as well as every Broad and Brude named in the series, who each contributed their own lecherous job description.

Most especially, Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken expresses appreciation to Mr. Clay Aiken, Our Idol Always and Forever, for every way that he inspires our lechery and devotion on a daily basis, for those times when he knows what he's doing to us, and for those times when he just doesn't get it himself.

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