Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2003-08-05
1:30 p.m.

BEVR: Marie/Albany, NY

I�ve heard of serendipity, but it�s never actually happened to me. Until yesterday.

Driving around downtown Albany, I was surprised at how hilly the city was. I had been there once before in college, so my recollection of its topography was rather bleak.

The Pepsi Arena is situated on a hill, takes up a couple of city blocks and has multiple entrances. We drove around the arena a few times trying to decide which parking ramp would be privileged to receive my automobile.

The requisite tour buses for crew were parked on the side of the arena, and we could observe the unloading of the most vile tasting Pop-Tarts that people only eat because they�re FREE.

We turned right and headed toward our destination - the parking ramp. There were about 10 to 15 people standing at the side of the road, at the edge of a �bluff� that overlooked the rear loading dock to the arena.

Now, we had passed these people before on our quest for car shelter. They looked engaged in their own conversations and smitten with the uncertain conditions of the skies above. BUT NOT THIS TIME. This time they were standing, at attention, holding up signs with cameras at the ready.

This is when we almost crashed.

With screeching brakes, I turned the wheel of my car to the right. We nearly missed the guard rail protecting us from certain death by mere inches. I threw the car in park and jumped out as fast as I could, leaving the car running, keys in the ignition and yelling to Amy, �DON�T SHUT YOUR DOOR! IF YOU SHUT YOUR DOOR, WE�RE SCREWED!� I�ve locked my keys in a running car before and it�s embarrassing.

I got to the edge of the hill just in time to see a coppery head, khaki shorts and a blue polo shirt emerge from the black and gold bus directly in my line of vision. Hustling alongside this image of perfection was a GIANT bodyguard who looked really perturbed. Clay gave a kind wave and smile to the fans on the hill and was quickly ushered inside. Awwww! He was, like, so cute, even from, like, totally far away! OMG!

We didn�t have anyplace else to be, so we decided to hang around in the sweltering heat breathing bus fumes to catch a glimpse of more Idols.

Carmen came out next, eating an apple and looking too important to wave. She finally graced the screaming crowd (not me, of course) with a slight gesture. Oh, gee, thanks.

I don�t remember the order in which the rest came out, but Rickey, Kim Caldwell, Julia and Kim Locke each stopped to wave in all directions. I love when they are sweet to the fans. Some of these people had been waiting here for quite some time; throwing a bone just doesn�t cut it. These four Idols delivered the goods. Smiles, waves, kisses blown. Yay!

Carmen must have forgotten something on the bus, because she came strolling out again. This time she deigned to wave with her arm up in the actual AIR. Hey, don�t do us any favors, kid.

Now Jerome was standing outside the back door to the arena looking ALL KINDS of ticked off. I�m not sure why Big J was so aggravated, but Charles Grigsby didn�t improve his mood by coming right over to the ramp leading up to our lookout and chatting on his cell phone. He waved and threw kisses and said he wished he could come up to say hi, but he wasn�t allowed. Instead, he invited two hot young girls to come down and give him a hug, followed by promises that he would try to get them a backstage pass.

Jerome was none too pleased with this. I don�t know what kind of a riot he thought the ten of us up on this cliff were going to start, but I guess it�s his job to be overly cautious and protective. Any man whose main task in life is protecting my Downy Ball from harm is okay in my book.

Charles wandered all around the parking area, gabbing away on that phone and obviously enjoying the attention of the crowd. Another small group had gathered on the walkway platform across from us, and I started feeling like people at a zoo watching two giraffes get it on. Obviously the show was over, so we left.

We had dinner and stopped back at the car so I could apply my lipstick. By this time the line was forming outside the arena.

NOTE TO SELF: Abandon red leather jacket when temperatures reach above 80 degrees. The Grease Clay look is not worth extreme loss of fluids in the body.

Waiting in line to enter the arena, we met two lovely young people behind us. They were a brother/sister team who made adorable signs about the Idols. They were sitting in the nosebleeds, but they still went to the trouble to create something to hold. When we got to the door, security announced that NO SIGNS would be permitted at the concert. They made up some big lie that it was Tour Policy, which we all know is complete and total B.S. My heart sank for these two kids as they dumped their collaborative efforts in the garbage can outside the door. I wished the two extra tickets I had just given away were still in my purse. Damn my impulsivity! My guilt worsened when we realized that signs were apparently prohibited from certain entrances. There were loads of people carrying billboards. Boo on you, Pepsi Arena. You really disappointed some nice kids. Get it together with your security. It's called a STAFF MEETING. Try having one before your next concert.

I was getting nervous that the arena wasn�t filling up as concert time approached. The concert began at 7:00 pm, instead of the usual 7:30. By the time the Idols hit the stage, almost every seat was occupied. And the crowd was great. The people of the capital of New York represented the Empire State well.

We are talking some RABID fans, though.

Once again, Clay fans dominated. In the endless line to exit the parking ramp after the show, we blasted Clay songs in the car with all the windows open. 8 out of 10 people walking by sang along and woo hooed. The folks in the car next to me were shouting requests. My friend and I got out of the car to dance and repeatedly run to the gate where we could see the Idols getting on the tour buses to leave. During the concert, the two guys behind me thought it was quite ridiculous that I knew most of the words to �Invisible�. I saw them laughing at me, so I turned around and sang right to them. They pretended to be amused. I was HIGHLY amused with myself.

The woman sitting in front of me had been to FOUR concerts in Pennsylvania and New York. She dragged her husband along to each one!

During the concert, we noticed a girl near the front who had a sign saying, �Clay - I drove 300 miles by myself to see you again.� My friend saw Clay read it and she thought he said, �I don�t really know what to say to that...Congratulations?� I hope she wasn�t crushed.

My favorite fans were the Julia fans. Big dyed hair, piles of makeup and the longest nails on the face of the universe. They were also some of the warmest and most enthusiastic fans at the concert. The daughter of one lady was absolutely darling. She was immaculately groomed and impeccably dressed. She sang along to Julia�s songs while her mom stood at her side, beaming. There was love in this family. See, you can�t judge a book by its cover, even when the cover is a sprayed on orange tan.

There was MINIMAL sign reading and banter going on because it was HOTTER THAN HADES in that arena. The place was a veritable bath house. People were sweaty and sticky and the Idols were positively dripping. Except Clay. He was just MOIST. I was hoping to see just a little trickle of liquid down his freckled temple, but nope. Instead, the man just GLISTENS.

Ruben joked around that he thought he was in Texas, certainly not NEW YORK with this kind of heat. I have to admit, the dude is funny. He is extremely charismatic with a dry sense of humor. Someone threw a Cinnamon Toast Crunch breakfast bar on the stage, and Ruben went into a bit about how a person can�t go from eating two big bowls of cereal for breakfast every morning and suddenly switch to these bar things and expect to be full. That is funny. It just is.

Ruben's a tease. After thanking the crowd for supporting his video on TRL, he asked the audience if we had seen Clay's video. People were screaming and yelling and waving. With great comic timing, Ruben pointed out that Clay's video hadn't been released yet, but he found it humorous that people in every city scream that they've seen it. Of course, you could see all the Clay fans at that point turning to eachother to yell about the MTV and E! News promos. We're such know-it-alls.

When he goofs with Clay, I find them hysterical. Two grown men who find it amusing to put red panties on their heads in front of 15,000 people are MY kind of grown men.

So, the Idols. I fricking love these people. My friend and I were talking over dinner about why they inspire this kind of hysterical fandom. I think it�s because the audience watched them evolve from regular people to superstars in a matter of months. Fans learned about who they are as human beings. It�s not like going to see a movie and walking out thinking, �That actor is so handsome,� or, �That actress is really talented.� People feel like they KNOW the Idols, and had some had in the development of their celebrity status. To an extent, that is true, but I think there are lots of people out there who don�t know where to draw the line between fantasy and reality. Enough psychobabble.

The American Idols Yearbook (followed by commentary from Marie)

Charles Grigsby
Known for paying attention to the audience
Most Likely to sleep with a fan
I think he�s darling. His voice is smooth and he�s got great stage presence.

Julia DeMato
Known for greatest improvement in voice and style
Most Likely to marry a record executive
I�m so impressed with Julia. She�s gorgeous. I found her to be surprisingly humble and genuine with the audience.

Rickey Smith
Known for his energy
Most Likely to be a successful backup singer
Rickey loves to interact with the fans. I love when he shakes hands and mouths, �No, I love YOU!� to the audience. Plus the man has legs the size of tree trunks.

Kimberly Caldwell
Known for her high heels and interesting ensembles
Most Likely to perform on a cruise ship or in Vegas
That said, I LOVE HER. I think she rocks. Not only does she parade effortlessly around the stage in 4 inch spikes, she really makes an effort to connect with the audience. She was born to perform and I hope she can make a career of her talents. Last night she wore a D.A.R.E. T-shirt. Go Kimberly!

Carmen Rasmusen
Known for her goat like vocals
Most Likely to go nowhere as a performer
My mom always told me if I can�t say anything nice, don�t say anything at all. But I�m sorry. This kid is annoying. Maybe she is the sweetest girl in person, but the presentation of her public persona is the pits. How�s that for alliteration? And how is it that the audience LOVES her? I just don�t get it. If she gets signed to ANYTHING, I will be sick.

Trenyce
Known for her comeback from near-infamy
Most Likely to be the next Whitney Houston (overused comparison, but that�s all I could think of on 4 hours sleep)
This girl has one set of pipes. She�s gracious and elegant on stage. I�d like to see her make it.

Kimberly Locke
Known for her stellar voice and class
Most Likely to...
I�m not really sure what�s in store for K Lo, but it better be something BIG and LONG TERM. I adore her. She is the consummate professional. She exudes dignity. Her voice leaves me speechless. Young girls need women like this to idolize. Brains, beauty and talent. American Idol, she is.

Ruben Studdard
Known for his 205 jerseys and velvet teddy bear image
Most Likely to be a star
This man is talented. Really, really talented. His vocal ability is so natural it makes him appear nonchalant. On stage, Ruben is engaging and dynamic. I don�t think he is at ALL the oaf people sometimes make him out to be. I hope he enjoys a long and successful career. He deserves it.

CLAY AIKEN
Known for his incredible vocals, sparkling personality, boyish good looks and deep knee bends
Most Likely to be a SUPERSTAR
Magic. Pure magic.

I couldn�t have enjoyed myself more. The atmosphere was sodden with sweat and heat and electricity and love. I�m so fortunate to have been to this concert twice, each time with some of my FAVORITE people in this world.

I have to give mad props to my girl, Amy. She took the day off work to drive with me through torrential downpours so I could see this concert again. She took my camera and videotaped �Invisible� for me so I could dance and scream and make an all around fool of my mid-30s self. And she listened to Clay Aiken CDs all the way home while I sang along at the top of my lungs.

If that�s not a best friend, I don�t know what is.

-special thanks to NB Lisa for finding the Glistening Clay picture!

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