Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2003-08-11
8:35 a.m.

BEVR: Sherry/Orlando

Broad's Eye View Report: Sherry/Orlando

My sister, Linda, and I drove all day to Orlando and arrived at the arena around 5:00 P.M.� I had slept in those pink spongy rollers all night so that my hair would hold curl but, alas, the humidity wasn't going to allow the curl to stay in my Creek Indian straight hair...why, oh why couldn't I have gotten the wavy Italian hair like my sister and she had gotten a feather up her A**?

The 3 AI buses had pulled out in front of us from a service area (pit stop) on the turnpike as we neared Orlando, but those suckers were flying on automatic pilot and we couldn't keep up.� I was going to flash my beautiful L.B.F.C.A. banner I made with white Sharkskin material and PURPLE ribbon lettering, but dummy me, I abide by the speed limit while Linda is having a hissy fit for me to floor it...Yeah! Right!� A Ford Taurus...for Chrissakes.

After waiting an hour and a half for the doors to open at the arena, I looked like I'd had a meltdown.� We mulled around out front for a while and only attempted to catch a glimpse of You Know Who coming out of the bus but there were quite a few people standing at the fence with their signs and camera.� The buses parked in a pit area so nobody was going to see much of anything so people started standing in front of the marquee that said American Idol Concert.� I have NO clue why these people thought that this would be photo worthy...seemed pretty funny to me...but this is Florida, folks. They think their Presidential Voting Ballot is a work of art.

Once we got in, I headed right for the ladies room to pull my dripping hair out of my face and clipped the top back...not a smart first move because it was this or pottie first.� I made the wrong choice and by the time I finished clipping my hair back and putting some water on my parched face, there was a line a mile around the arena.� I opted for finding our seats which were a mile down some stairs that gave me vertigo. I found Wendy and she looks the way a Wendy should look.� Folks, she is bright and beautiful and Mr. Wendy Ain't Bad!

I waited until the place started filling up and then I headed back to the ladies room.� The nice lady next to me said she would watch my seat and make sure nobody tried to sit in it.� I told her that I had something to put on my chair where if anyone even thought about it, they would immediately back off in fear once they saw it...Yep...my LBFCA Banner!

Ok...the benign and the juicy:� Sis and I actually enjoyed the show.� Charles Grigsby opened up, as you all know, and he was adorable with a smile that would melt a mother's heart and that put me in a good mood despite looking like day old spaghetti that had been refried 3 times (try it, you'll like it).� The girls were really ON last night and I have to say that Carmen didn't bleat once and she's got some better moves than the dancers do.� She was absolutely darling and so tiny... I really wanted to kick her and hug her at the same time.

Trenyce and Kim Locke are treasures; Kimbermeeee is vibrant. Julia is very pretty but her pants seemed too tight and they made her look like someone took a frying pan and whacked her a**.� That's much better than the waffle iron that whacked me in mine though.� Her voice is beautiful now that she is more relaxed.� They all seem like different performers since the burden of pleasing judges is GONE!

Ricky and Ruben were definitely ON last night too, but THE MAN is still THE MAN!

Kim Locke finished her first number and the mist across the stage gets heavier as she introduces CLAY rising on his cloud like an Angel.� Can we say BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL MAN?� 4th Row...eye to eye contact...LBFCA purple tie.� It doesn't get much better...he read...he knew...he came through!

Baby looks very tired with both upper and lower lids puffy and his voice is showing fatigue after 3 shows in a row, but only in the sense that he adjusted some notes to accomodate the SLIGHT limitations.� TITN: He still delivered the power of his voice with so much ease that I was totally amazed but the acoustics made him and the others sound like they were singing a little higher than their norm.� Clay was "au naturel"...all those long strawberry blonde eyelashes could cover me like a blanket.� Everyone who saw him in person before me was right about the glow he has or that he IS.� I don't remember breathing until the intermission.� During the group numbers, everyone else was a blur.� I could NOT take my eyes off of him.� It's like I was trying to memorize each move, each sound, each expression.� I didn't want to miss anything about him. It's difficult to catch every little detail through tears, but I have a lifetime of images stored in my mind now.� I am a contented person having been blessed by his presence in person.

It MUST be said that, in my opinion, those grinding hip movements of HIS when he is� dancing with the girls are not something one learns from a choreographer.� It comes from a sensuality deep within.� I vowed to maintain my dignity when I knew this part was coming up.� I vowed not to go with the "full bodied scream" because of the young teen girls in front of us.� What those girls DID hear from me were sounds that can best be described as a heifer who'd never been milked and needed it quickly.� Oh!� The delightful agony...so much for dignity.� Pffffffft!

At Intermission Wendy and I are flashing our signs and hers makes the Jumbotron. I'm in the middle of the row and for some reason the center is blacked out.� You can see the signs from both sides of where I sat...Rats!�� Wendy's sign flashes again and then I see 5 gals from the DJ board with their individual signs... T��� H��� U��� D��� !����

The bantering begins between Ruben and Clay...There were some sharp shooters in the audience last night.� Panties whizzed by us from all angles, in synch, and landed right at Clay's and Ruben's feet.� I laughed until I cried (again) at the look on their faces.� Amazing accuracy, Oh Tossers of Orlando!� Clay picked up a pair of red thongs and held them up.� While he was fiddling with them and turning them inside out, the boxers started flying.� He picked up a pair of purple and blue lame' boxers and we all split a gut.

Needless to say that "This Girl is Mine" was loads of fun; "Can You Feel the Love"...more tears..."To Love Somebody" = Overwhelming...more tears...a freaking river!

Ok...I'm composed and then "INVISIBLE."� Another MELTDOWN!� Wendy is flashing her sign wanting "the clutch;" Linda and I are flashing the LBFCA Banner.� Clay finds a way to forget his voice is tired and he struts his stuff.� I'm attempting to pick my jaw and teeth up off the floor and Wendy flashes her sign while he's on her side of the stage. DAYUM!� He acknowledges, grabs the shirt jerking it one way while his hips are GRINDING another...right at her.� Did I pee myself?� I think so!� My jaw drops again and my eyeballs drop from their SOCKets.� I think Linda latched onto my left arm and cut off the circulation...no feeling in my pinkie yet.� More heifer noises from me but then I lose it and echo the infamous OH MY GOD!� I'm having the BIG "O" while I'm standing there.� It's one thing to see this OMG Move on video, but in person it obliterates rational thinking...not that I've even had a hint of that since Wild Card Night.

"God Bless the USA:"� Clay doesn't sing, probably in an effort to conserve his voice but the mist in his eyes is there.� This MAN is love personified.

Forgive me for not covering as much on the other Idols, but I drove hundreds of miles for one person only and since he's the object of our love, lust and obsession that's what I'm reporting on.

Final Commentary:� THE MAN is gorgeous with an incomparable voice and presence (and a couple of extra pounds well distributed).� I sooooo love CLAY AIKEN; the HOT man that he is and the goodness he stands for.� I'm in awe of the Total Package (*wink*) in this slender keg of dynamite.� In my mind there will never be anyone to match HIM.� He is God's work of art and His gift to us all when we needed to know that miracles happen.� Treasure him and Clay it Forward.........More tears.

Sherry


-Note from Nelle: You, too, can participate in the LBFCA Summer Series, and have your Broad's Eye View Report, or, for any other Brude's out there, your Summary of Clay, about Clay's Summer Concert Tour on the LBFCA Main Page. Just send it to Nelle via email, and she'll post it ASAP. (If you are a lurker, or otherwise wish to remain anonymous, just let me know that in your email). Don't worry about your BEVR not being the same size or looking the same as anyone elses. Here at LBFCA we celebrate diversity. Every BEVR is unique. This is your personal experience of witnessing what Katynka so gloriously described as "a little hockey-jersey-clutchin,' white-leather-wearin,' DTTR revealin,' mic-flickin,' thigh-strokin,' eye-f***ing, smokin,' jokin,' singin,' hunk-o-burnin' libido."

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