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2003-08-12
The Stages of Obessive Claylust THE STAGES OF OBSESSIVE CLAYLUST Before one finds oneself immersed in the stages of Obsessive Claylust, one's lust is triggered by the stimulus:
The Stages of Obsessive Claylust DENIAL: "Just checking the boards on a whim! Cool pic. Hey, that one's funny! Need to update MediaPlayer anyway. My butt's always been this spread out, hasn't it? Is that the sun coming up?" ANGER: Characterized by extreme irritation by all RL demands, the crappy dial-up connection, RCA (Rabidly Constipated Abscess), the Anomaly, all unnamed a**hats involved in the Anomaly, and all press covering the Anomaly who pretend it wasn't an anomaly. The outpouring of venom can be contained to within legal bounds by stopping the taped recaps after "Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now." BARGAINING: "Okay, for every 4 hours of productive RL, I may download 8 MB of video and view 4 pages of boards. I have this under control, really! I'll get it under control tomorrow, really!" DEPRESSION: Does not apply. FEAR: Are all my RL friends and family snickering behind my back? Will my downloads, CDs, and DVDs be enough to carry me through the Gap of September? Have I gone completely insane? ACCEPTANCE: Wisdom arrives. You know that women are biologically programmed to melt for men who can croon a gorgeous song. Funny guys have a direct connection to our lust line. Estrogen demands that we embrace a nurturing, compassionate male nature when we find it. Combine all that in one man, along with intelligence, snarkiness, playful zest for life, and a snake that does its own charming, and at this point we can only have pity for those women out there living their lives without the spice of Clay-awareness. Lyn
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