Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2003-08-19
5:22 p.m.

BEVR: Cella/Memphis

I still can't believe it. I'm sitting on a plane, on my way to Memphis. I've never done anything so spontaneous in my life. I'm still in shock. What?!? 25 minute delay for takeoff! Get me to Memphis NOW!! I WANT TO SEE BABY!!

For my mania, as we say, blame it on Clay Aiken.

On Friday morning, I had already worked myself into a lather from fresh BEVRs from Orlando and Tampa. I'm so envious. I so want the chance to see Claybaby again. He was so tame in Columbus, compared to now. I looked at the calendar and the tour calendar. The Ticketmaster website for St. Louis showed lousy seats. Memphis on Saturday--Lord, that's tomorrow night--OMG, there's good seats still available! Not Glory Seats, but quite good seats nonetheless. I check flights--HOW MUCH from Columbus?!? I'm torn--do I really want to bother?

It's now lunchtime. I get in the car, turn on the radio, hit the scan button once and what--what am I hearing? It can't be. For the very first frickin' time, I hear Butterblume on the radio, and OMG--IT'S TITN!!! It's a sign...it's a sign! I'm now about as manic as one can be, while submerging my soul into TITN. Every note through the car stereo was a hundred times more beautiful than anytime listening through the computer.

I rush home crazed. Mr. Cella doesn't know what to make of me. I hand him the phone and tell him to do that voodoo he does with Customer Service Reps. He's talking, but he's not getting anywhere with the airline. Now, I'm feeling dejected. I go back to work hungry and disappointed.

I try site after site again looking for better fares. Finally--flights from Dayton, an hour away, for less than half! My heart starts beating again. Are those seats still available? YES THEY ARE. *SUBMIT*--the seats are MINE MINE MINE!! Now, have I mentioned yet that I hate flying? Clay, I flew for you. I sat on the tarmack for 40 minutes in Dayton for you. I did friggin' windsprints through O'Hare for you.

After getting to the hotel and through a flurry of phone calls, I met up with Jill and her friends, Diana Kilbridge and her niece, and Jinx. Somehow we missed Gail at the Peabody Hotel, but she and her daughter sat right in front of me. By 6 o'clock, Jill, her friends and I made our way to the Pyramid. She gave me a little "Head Day Clay" sticker, and I wore it on my neck--my little temporary Clay hickey.

It was a wonderful seat, 15 or 20 feet away, right at stage level. There were two very nice Clay ladies sitting next to me who had gone to both the Raleigh and Birmingham shows, and we chatted up a storm. I heard my name called over and over, looked toward the Floor and found Erin. I unfurled my sign for them to see and take a few snaps, but I was so afraid someone would confiscate it.

The basic BEVR non-Claybaby rundown:

  • Charles did really well. He was fun to watch perform.
  • Julia was fine, but I was busy talking about Clay with the Ladies.
  • Ricky is also fun to watch, especially doing "The Way You Make Me Feel" Thinking way back, it's cool that an impromptu performance during his auditions ended up refined and onstage.
  • There was some young blonde girl who bleated a song. The lady next to me put her fingers in her ears.
  • Kimberley Caldwell did her thang, but we were still talking about Clay's performances in Raleigh and Birmingham.
  • Kim Locke is so lovely, and her blue lace blouse was ultra faboo. Where can I get one? She makes a wonderful chanteuse, but it was becoming harder to concentrate on her, knowing who was next.

I recorded his whole introduction on my digicam. YES! THIS IS THE MOMENT!!! The crowd roared when he came on the big screen, and screamed when slowly, our dark-suited Strawberry Stallion rose from below. He sang--he flicked mic--he deep-dipped--he gave us all big Double-O's with Glory Notes ringing through the arena. He. Is. Just. So. Beautiful.

While Ruben sang, I called Mr. Cella, held up the phone for a little bit, then yelled, "I don't regret doing this at all!"

Intermission--more chattiness with the gals about the Raleigh and Birmingham shows.

I can't get "Bootylicious/Lady is a Tramp" out of my head. I wished by all that's unholy that I could have been Julia for that one ending moment.

Since this concert was Trenyce's homecoming, while she, KimC, and Baby were all on stage, he said he had a surprise for her, and proceeded to pull a big magazine out from his pants behind his jacket.

It was some sort of Memphis Life-type magazine with the most-successful Memphians, and he pointed out, "...in between Elvis and the President of FedEx, was Trenyce." It was a great ooey gooey moment. Trenyce's, Kim Locke's and Ricky's moms were all in the audience. Lots of love in the room.

During "To Love Somebody" and "Can You Feel the Love Tonight," I seem to recall groaning a lot. Full, gutteral, "I want you so very bad" groans. I kept forcing myself to look up from my camera and behold him in the flesh.

Almost before I could catch my breath and grab my sign, the lights brightened and our Beautiful Vision arose in an orange UT jersey.

I flew my sign high and proud during Invisible. All I wanted was to watch him perform every beautifully evil clutch and knee bend. I screamed; I sang along; I let out full-frontal groans and a bunch of "OMG-OMGs!" (Way to give the Broads their "Double-O's, Baby!)

11:47PM: Is there a record for fastest Post-Claytal Depression, because I had it. I couldn't wait to get back home and look at the pictures and video.

Sunday Morning: I'm in the airport way too early. It's quiet and I need a fix, so I watch all the videos again. Ah, muuuuch better. PCD is replaced with Post-Claytal Euphoria. As I watch my outbound plane arrive, I'm in a ClayLove State of Mind.

Cella

-Note from Nelle: You, too, can participate in the LBFCA Summer Series, and have your Broad's Eye View Report, or, for any other Brude's out there, your Summary of Clay, about Clay's Summer Concert Tour on the LBFCA Main Page. Just send it to Nelle via email, and she'll post it ASAP. (If you are a lurker, or otherwise wish to remain anonymous, just let me know that in your email). Don't worry about your BEVR not being the same size or looking the same as anyone elses. Here at LBFCA we celebrate diversity. Every BEVR is unique. This is your personal experience of witnessing what Katynka so gloriously described as "a little hockey-jersey-clutchin,' white-leather-wearin,' DTTR revealin,' mic-flickin,' thigh-strokin,' eye-f***ing, smokin,' jokin,' singin,' hunk-o-burnin' libido."

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