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2003-08-19
11:29 p.m.
BEVR: Erin/Memphis
ERIN WON THE JACKPOT!
I have never before considered myself a lucky person. I have never won anything. Well, I have now. I became the luckiest girl ever when I clicked on Ticketmaster and scored two seats on the front row to the Memphis concert.
My heart began to beat so fast I was afraid that I would pass out and run out of my allotted time. I kept opening my eyes wider and wider, �Does Row A really mean the front row? Am I really reading this correctly?� I started shaking so hard that I thought I was going to type the incorrect information and lose the tickets.
Friday, August 15, 2003, Noonish EDT: THE PHONE CALL
ROBIN: Hello?
ERIN: Robin?
ROBIN: Yes.
ERIN: Hey, it�s Erin.
ROBIN: Erin! Hey! How are you?
ERIN: I�m, I�m, uh.....I�m speechless.
ROBIN: Why? What�s going on?
ERIN: Uh, Robin, I just got front row seats to the Memphis concert.
ROBIN: WHAT???????
ERIN: Yes. I�m shaking.
ROBIN: Oh My God!
ERIN: I know!
ROBIN: So Joe is going with you?
ERIN: Well, uh, that�s why I�m calling. Uh, he will totally go with me, but I would really love it if you could go with me.
ROBIN: Are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS?
ERIN: YES!!!!!!!!
ROBIN: Oh my God Erin, I love you!
ERIN: I love you, too! There is no one, no one, that I would have more fun with, that I would rather go with. Do you think you can go?
Saturday, August 16, 2003, 9:00 a.m. EDT: MEMPHIS BOUND!
I don�t normally do these kinds of things. I mean I realize that Robin and I have �known� each other here for several months, but we just met in person last week. Exactly one week ago we met at the Atlanta concert. I just don�t normally take off in a car across four states with a �stranger,� share a hotel room with a �stranger,� etc. But I can�t imagine going to Memphis without Robin.
I truly cannot explain to you what it is like to be able to talk to someone in person about Clay, my love for Clay, my worship of Clay and all things Clay. To be able to look that person in the eye, share a laugh, share a high five with someone who gets it, someone who is not worried about my sanity when I talk about Clayton.
So needless to say, Robin and I talk for 6 � hours straight on the ride to Memphis like we are old girlfriends who haven�t seen each other in years. Yes we talk about our real lives, but we really can�t go long without discussing something Clay or without something reminding us of Clay.
With who else can you have an entire conversation analyzing Clay�s toes? No one other than a Broad can put up with this and enjoy it.
Robin and I are so keyed up over getting to see Clay from the front row that we feel sick. We cannot eat, we cannot sleep. We cannot concentrate. We almost run out of gas (the truck that is).
As we drive through Tupelo, Mississippi (which I have just learned is the birthplace of Elvis) on our way to Memphis (apparently on the anniversary of his death) we make fun of those crazy Elvis fans who make a pilgrimage to Graceland and stand outside with candles, crying. What is wrong with those people? They are total
Afterall, Robin and I are just on a little �road trip� to see a guy sing who we kind of fancy that is
After this �road trip� to Memphis I am starting to accept the fact that I will become a �velvet Elvis painting hanging on the living room wall� kind of person. I mean I guess I should have seen the signs coming when I paid $65 for an airbrushed Clay t-shirt. Oh well, we can�t all be Martha Stewart.
Saturday, August 16, 2003, 2:30 p.m. CDT: ROBIN AND ERIN DO MEMPHIS
Robin and I arrive in Memphis and we head straight to the Pyramid. Who knew that it would actually be a Pyramid? Am I the only one? If I were driving by on my way to Arkansas (hehe, this seems funny to me for some reason) I would wonder which cult is based out of that pyramid.
As we pull into the parking lot we see about thirty middle aged women all wearing Clay shirts standing by a fence. Robin and I furiously reach for our cameras, sharpies and CD covers. We run over, but find out that the idols are already inside and no one could see them go in.
Immediately women began to ask us who we are. They all know of LBFCA and some tell us they saw our sign on the Rolling Stone website. I very humbly (yeah) inform them that is MY sign.
We then tell everyone that we had just lucked out on front row seats yesterday and had driven in from Atlanta. (Does it sound like I'm bragging?) Looking back this probably was not a good idea. We could have been attacked and mugged.
As we stood there we spotted a woman whom we met in Atlanta. In her Atlanta BEVR, Robin mentioned meeting a woman who made a purse out of the Rolling Stone cover and inside pic. This is the same woman. We walk up to her and said hey. She recognizes us. How can you not? We�re Famous Lecherous Broads!
We meet a girl who has come from Colorado to see the show. She keeps telling us how much she loves our site, how much LBFCA rocks, and gives us high fives. Yeah, we�re cool, we know. (This same girl sat in the second row not too far from us and actually got a wink from Clay during the concert. I was really happy for her, honestly).
Robin and I go find our hotel. When we arrive we see people in the lobby with red shirts. Robin and I look at each other and wonder if they are Clay fans? Should we ask them? Do you think she�s Ruth? (We knew that Ruth was staying at the same hotel). Robin had on a Clay pin and I had on my �Aiken for Clayton� shirt, but no one ever said anything to us. We decided the red shirts must be a coincidence or really unfriendly Clay fans.
We get our room, haul our crap to third floor, open the door and lo and behold someone is in our room! WHOOPS. It�s only 100 degrees in Memphis as we head back down to the lobby to get a private room.
As we leave the lobby the second time, a woman is walking in. Robin turns to me and says, �Red shoes, she has red shoes.� The woman looks at us and says, �I know where y�all are going!� We laugh. We say we�re lecherous broads. Guess what it�s Lisa M.! We hug! Yay, our first Memphis Lecherous Broad.
Robin and I cool off in the room and decide that we really should make ourselves eat something. We pick up a light lunch/dinner which was an adventure in and of itself, what else would you expect when you�re with a broad?
As we sit at the drive thru order thingie trying to pick out something that will
�What???,� we ask. �If you don�t order within 30 seconds you will activate our robbery detection system,� he repeats. Ohh. Whatever... Robin, you can put away your lasso, I don�t think we�ll be needing it until the concert.
We eat, change into our concert outfits (the exact same ones we had worn last week in Atlanta), �ho� ourselves up, triple check our supplies: Tickets? Check. Cameras? Check. Film? Check. Lipstick? Check. Lip gloss? Check. Signs? Check. Sharpies? Check. CD covers for Clay to sign if we get the opportunity? Check. LBFCA packet to give to Jerome? Check. Breath mints? Check. Red feather boas? Check. Check.
Robin has a piece of white cloth pinned to her red shirt which says LBFCA on it. In Atlanta she had this cloth pinned on her back. In Memphis she realizes that Clay will actually be able to read it if the sign is on the front of her shirt.
First she pins it right across her chest. This is hilarious. Robin asks, �Is this too lecherous?� She moves it further up and tilts it as if to say �By the way dahling, I�m a lecherous broad, if you really give a damn.�
Saturday, August 16, 2003, 6:00 p.m. CDT: EXPLORATION OF THE PYRAMID
We deliberately choose to park far away. Why? Because that way when the concert is over we can walk down the sidewalk and work it. Carry our signs, yell Clay�s name, and basically start our own parade.
Ruth calls my cell right as we park, they are leaving the hotel now. We finally get inside the Pyramid after standing in a ridiculously long line that wrapped around the building, sweating our butts off, and meeting Ruth. Standing in that line in the 100 degree heat finally forced me to calm the freak down.
Bathroom stop right now. There will be no leaving our seats once we get down there. I shout to Robin in the next stall, �Don�t pee on your boa!� She yells back, �Don�t pee on yourself!� Lord, we�re a hoot.
I have never sat in the front row of anything in my life. Not even a school play. So this is huge for me. OFTFLOCAGC huge. There are hundreds of Clay fans. The entire front and second row is almost completely crazed Clay fans.
Our seats are on the far left side near the entrance to backstage. Robin and I wonder aloud how far we think we could get if we tried to bust through there.
We introduce ourselves to our seat neighbors. Turns out we are sitting in between PRoC�ers.
The girls to my left have only known each other over the internet and have flown in from Minnesota and Detroit (I may be wrong, but I know she was stuck in the airport in Detroit for something like 16 hours, so I�m not sure where she actually came from). They are young and spunky and warn me that they will be standing up and jumping up and down. No need to warn us, we�re Lecherous Broads.
They ask if we are the girls pictured on the mainpage (Founding Broads). No we explain, we�re Erin and Robin. �Oh, Erin! We saw your picture on rollingstone.com.� Big smile. (I really don�t know what I�m going to do when my 15 minutes of fame are up. Perhaps I�ll run for governor.)
I turn around to look at the crowd. Geez this place is teeny tiny. I whip out the smallest sign I have which is a banner with LBFCA painted in purple. I flash the sign. Women jump up and shout at me! YAY. This is going to be fun.
I tell Robin, I�ve got to go find the other broads! I knew that Jill was in the second row. So I start walking up and down with my sign like I�m a chauffeur at the airport. I�m yelling, �Jill! Jill!� I think Jill actually tried to get my attention several times before I realized it. Jill is also so teeny tiny that I almost missed her. I scream, �Robin, it�s Jill, I�ve found Jill!�
Then I flash my sign over to the side where I think other broads may be sitting. I notice a girl obviously reacting to my sign. We walk over, it�s Cella! Cella shows us her huge sign! I�m babbling and out of the corner of my eye I spot these women holding up a sign that says,
�REAL LIVE LECHEROUS BROADS!�
Holy cow, I must go meet these ladies. It�s the Mardi Gras Mamas! I introduce myself, shake hands. They are some cool mamas all decked out in beads! They give me beads! Hell yeah, a red feather boa and mardi gras beads! I am so stylin�!
I turn back to shout to Robin and she is heading over with something in her hands. She hands me a gift wrapped in lavender tissue paper with my name written on it. What is this? She says it�s from Gail. She brought us gifts! It�s our very own LBFCA/Clay button! Oh dear Lord, what a sweetie! I run back over to where I had left Robin with Cella to find Gail. I am screaming and waving my button, �Who gave me this?� Gail just kind of raises her hand in a very humble Clay-like kind of way (as opposed to my very un-Clay-like humbleness). Thank you, thank you Gail! It rocks, I love it! I pin it on my shirt. Ding-dang! I love my Lecherous Broads!
Robin and I go back to our seats. All of sudden Jerome is standing right in front of me. I leap up and grab my folder of LBFCA materials that Robin and I had prepared. It included some of my favorite main pages like Kat�s
I open it up to show Jerome, "We�re Lecherous Broads, we�re sitting right here.� I show him the rollingstone.com picture of my sign which I printed up. �This is me. This is me in Atlanta, I am a Lecherous Broad.� He nods, chuckles and flips through the folder. Jerome is being mobbed. I am getting squished. I tell him, �Give this to Clay, tell him to read it and enjoy.� Yes, this is the only thing I could think of to say. I start shaking again. Jerome is actually a really cool guy.
�Robin, he�s going to be right there in just a few moments!� OH MY GOD!
The pre-show starts on the video screens. Every time Clay is flashed up there, I jump out of my seat and throw my hands up in the air and scream like the wave has just gone by me at the Braves game. No one else is jumping up. No one else is standing on their feet. At least no one beside me. I love being a spectacle.
Saturday, August 16, 2003, 7:30 CDT: PRE-CLAY
Charles comes out. We stand up for his performance, I�m just too ding-dang excited to sit.
Julia sings, we sit but stand when she finishes.
Ricky comes out, we stand, dance, and shout "Rickeeeeeeeeeee". Ricky�s great. We almost touch Ricky. The girls next to me touch him. Ricky is so sweet.
Kim C. and Carmen come and sing their songs. We sit. Carmen really didn�t get any love from the front row. Hmmm, bitter are we? Maybe.
Trenyce comes out. We stand and cheer. It�s her hometown and we want to give her some love. She does great and afterwards points out her mom and family and friends. We remain standing.
Here comes Kim Locke. She is fabulous! We cheer and I actually take my first picture. She looks really beautiful. Her mom is also in the audience.
Saturday, August 16, 2003, Bliss Time: CLAY, THE OTHER WHITE MEAT
I�m screaming, I�m screaming. He rises up and instead of losing all control of myself and freaking out like I did in Atlanta, I freeze. I�m awestruck. Dumbstruck. I cannot pick my jaw up off of the floor. I cannot take my eyes off of him.
Then I remember to take some actual pictures of him. It�s amazing. He�s right there. He�s adorable. He�s so sexy. I�m numb. Robin turns to me and shows me that her legs are quivering. Yeah he is making me quiver, too, Robin. Every time I get him in focus to take his picture, my arm starts shaking like there�s an earthquake inside me. I hope I get some decent shots.
He stops singing. I grab my big Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken sign, the same one I had in Atlanta. He speaks with the same high voice that I heard in Atlanta. Is this really how he sounds?
Clay walks down toward us and stops right in front of us. He looks at us. He rolls his eyes, shakes his head and laughs to himself.
A photographer had been taking our picture throughout the concert when we were standing up and enjoying the performances. But when we pulled out the sign, he got right in our face and started shootin� away.
Ruben comes out. The photographer comes over and tells us that he needs our names and where we are from. He hands us a pen, I scramble to find some paper. I am still shaking from Clay�s performance and now this man wants to me write. I give the pen and paper to Robin. Her legs are still shaking, but she is able to write the information legibly. I probably would have spelled my own name wrong.
Ruben finishes and I remain standing because I want to jump up and down during intermission I�m so happy, but Ruben starts to sing another song! What? I forgot that someone thought he was deserving of two songs.
Ruben got tons more respect and cheers in Atlanta than in Memphis. I had read that Atlanta had a lot more Ruben fans in the audience than other cities, but this was like night and day. Most everyone sat during Ruben�s songs. In Atlanta, most everyone stood for both Clay and Ruben.
I run over to the photographer to find out for which paper he works. He�s with the local Memphis paper. I ask him if he thinks we�ll be in the paper. He says he has no idea, but if we are, we�ll be on the front page! The cover of the paper? Holy moley.
INTERMISSION: Ruth comes up and asks me to give some stuff to Jerome if he comes back out. Sure, of course! Our girl from Colorado comes over to tell us that Clay winked at her!
We are thirsty and hoarse from screaming, but decide not to go anywhere. I realize that there is a little opening that we can see through under the stage. I point it out to Robin, we can actually see him when he is rising up and down. Don�t forget to watch, we can get sneak peeks. (Which I did later get to see him crawling out down there with his butt in the air...oh Kat, I know you're jealous!)
Here we go again. We are standing, yelling, dancing. Clay is singing all his songs, dancing all his steps and everytime he comes over to Robin and I he gets this huge smirk on his face.
He cannot look us in the eye at this point and you can tell that is all he can do from not busting out laughing. So I just give him my best EF and yell,
This happens every time that Clay comes and stands in front of us, his eyes come to us and then realizes that we are standing there with all of our lechery oozing and quickly glances away. We are
I am just focusing on him. I see no one else. I am now able to really look at him. During This is the Night I was too delirious to think properly.
So during the medleys I start to really examine him and scream to Robin every time I am overwhelmed with lechery.
�ROBIN, LOOK AT HIS FEET, THEY ARE HUGE!� Yes, yes they are.
It is so awesome to be able to watch every facial move, watch him react to everything that is going on. He�s so adorable. He keeps chuckling to himself. So funny. So beautiful. So sexy. His skin is glowing. He radiates!
�ROBIN, LOOK AT HIS SKIN!� God, I love his skin.
�ROBIN, LOOK AT HIS HANDS, LOOK AT HIS HANDS, HIS HANDS ARE BEAUTIFL!� I can see the veins in his hands are bulged out. I drool as I watch those long fingers grasp his microphone. Oh those hands. I didn�t realize how attracted I was to his hands until I am now seeing them up close.
�ROBIN, LOOK! LOOK!!!!!� Robin, turns to me probably wishing I would stop distracting her and says �WHAT?�
�HIS PACKAGE, LOOK AT IT, I SEE WALDO, LOOK!� It�s true, for a moment his jacket rises up and I spy Waldo waving at ME.
My God this is the most gorgeous man I have ever laid eyes on. When I look at him I hear angels singing and feel as if I am in the presence of some divine creature. I thought I knew how beautiful he was before this night, but I really had no idea how insanely gorgeous Clayton is until I see him up close with my own eyes.
I finish up my first roll of film. I quickly put in new film, load it, and then the battery in my camera decides to die. Great, perfect timing.
So during the CYFTLT performance I stand there and enjoy it. I don�t worry about not getting any good pics. I look up and him and melt, over and over again.
Y�all don�t mind if I skip to the good part, do you? Didn�t think so.
Saturday, August 16, 2003, Double �O� time: THE NOT SO INVISIBLE
He rises up like he did in Atlanta, in this pose that is too cute for words. He is wearing a Tennessee Vols jersey. The jersey actually fits him and is short sleeved. God, I love his arms. Of course, it is tucked in his jeans in the front.
The Tennessee Vols orange color looks great on him. It really complements his coloring. He really should wear more of this color. Clay looks like a orange creamsicle and boy my mouth sure is dry right now. I could really go for a lick of that.
He does his hip rotations and puts his hand up to his head during �Wish I could be what goes through your mind.� I love this part each time I see it.
Clay comes over to Robin and I. He is now ready to make eye contact with us. I guess the lechery was too much for him earlier, but now he is feeling it,
He shoots a quick EF our way (get ready girls, he says to me with his eyes), clutches his shirt, and thrusts his hips. Robin and I swoon. Clay then gives us the Hartford look, raises his eyebrows and telepathically asks Robin and I �Yeah, that�s that what you wanted wasn�t it?� YES! YES! YES!
Robin and I look at each other, Oh My God, did you see what he just did for us! Do you know what he was saying to us with that look? The girl beside me elbows me and says, �Oh my God, that was for you!�
Saturday, August 16, 2003, Post-Claytal Bliss: GOD BLESS THE US-CLAY
Oh no, it�s ending. Robin grabs my hand and we hold our hands up in the air together and sway them back and forth like the goons that we are. We are loving life. We are loving Clay. We are loving our country that allows us the freedom to act like goons over Clay! Yay America!
I watch as Clay leads everyone in the bow. He is their leader, they all look to him and it is obvious that he looks after them in a big brother sort of way. What a wonderful man.
It is the duality of Clayton that is so attractive to me and this duality was very apparent while watching the Memphis concert. He is angelic one moment and seductive the next. He is your goofy brother, your high school crush, your role model, your best friend, your soul�s desire.
The lights come up. Robin and I dawdle some just in case Jerome is looking for us to give us backstage passes, in our dreams. We see all of Kimberly Locke�s family go backstage, Trenyce�s family go backstage, and Ricky�s dad go backstage. Robin and I realize it�s not going to happen for us tonight, way too busy back there.
By the time we head out of the arena most everyone is gone. All the lecherous broads are gone! We didn�t get to meet Jinx or Diana! Where did everyone go? Robin and I discuss waiting for the buses to leave, but we are wiped out and figure it will be awhile before they head out with all the family members visiting.
We feel a little sad now. It�s really over. But I whip out my sign and shake it at the remaining people. This is not the same crowd as Atlanta. Everyone is rolling their eyes at me.
By the way, in Memphis almost the entire upper floor was empty. I don�t get this. In Atlanta our arena is twice the size and every single seat was taken. There were people who looked like little ants up at the top screaming for Clay.
We get to the sidewalk and there is a PopTarts lady handing us one of those frozen things. In Atlanta Robin and I never saw the PopTarts people and we felt obligated to take one and try it so that we could have the complete American Idols Live! Concert experience. Yuck! We take one bite and throw it in the trash. You broads were right.
There is still a little traffic on the roads, so Robin and I start our parade. She is leading with her sign yelling, �CLAY! WE LOVE CLAY!� I am behind with my sign screaming �LECHEROUS BROADS FOR CLAY AIKEN!�
People are rolling down their windows cheering us. Well, maybe cheering Clay, but whatever. Some people honk.
We also pass by people on the sidewalk who are obviously not coming from the concert. We scream at them, too. Perhaps we will Clayvert them on the street.
I�m sure that people are trying to decipher if we are proselytizing to them about our spiritual leader (YES) or rather just prostitutes with billboards (YES, FOR CLAY).
Sunday, August 17, 2003, 7:00 a.m. CDT: ALMOST FAMOUS
�We�ve got to find a paper and see if we made the front page.� Nope. Trenyce is on the front page, of course. I buy a copy of the paper anyway just to be sure that we�re not mentioned in the article or maybe there are some more photos inside. Nope. Nope. Well maybe they�ll have more pics on the website like the Atlanta Journal did. Nope. Well maybe if I email the photographer I can purchase copies of our picture. Nope, against company policy. Bye bye fame.
�Robin, I feel like we are going the wrong way. We are getting further away from him. This doesn�t feel right. Are you sure we can�t go to St. Louis and follow him from city to city?� You know like that movie �Almost Famous.� We could be real groupies if we didn�t have real lives to return to.
On the trip home we are exhausted, we are still floating from seeing his beautifulness right there in our faces, and at the same time we are sad because we don�t know when we�ll get to see him next. Robin puts in her �Another Clay CD.� Yes, that is the actual title.
We listen to him sing. **sigh** He is amazing. Absolutely amazing. I get tingles every time I hear him.
Robin then plays some of her mixed CD�s and we rock out. We sing at the top of our lungs, dance in our seats and give more high fives and we discover that we have more in common than just our love for Clay!
We arrive back in Atlanta listening again to more Clay. We hug and hug. What a time we have had. I love Robin and I will never ever forget this time we shared together. Thank you Robin for joining me on this journey. It wouldn�t have been the same without you.
Famous Lecherous Broad Erin
-Note from Nelle: You, too, can participate in the LBFCA Summer Series, and have your Broad's Eye View Report, or, for any other Brude's out there, your Summary of Clay, about Clay's Summer Concert Tour on the LBFCA Main Page. Just send it to Nelle via email, and she'll post it ASAP. (If you are a lurker, or otherwise wish to remain anonymous, just let me know that in your email). Don't worry about your BEVR not being the same size or looking the same as anyone elses. Here at LBFCA we celebrate diversity. Every BEVR is unique. This is your personal experience of witnessing what Katynka so gloriously described as "a little hockey-jersey-clutchin,' white-leather-wearin,' DTTR revealin,' mic-flickin,' thigh-strokin,' eye-f***ing, smokin,' jokin,' singin,' hunk-o-burnin' libido."
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