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2003-08-21
5:43 p.m.
BEVR: Robin/Memphis
Robin's Memphis BEVR !!!
It intertwines with Erin's BEVR
(What do you expect, we did share a hotel room together!)
What's this. it is my bud, LB Erin! What could she want?????
You have WHAT! Front row seats to the Memphis concert! (oh dear God in heaven-front row!)
So, Is Joe going with you???? It all depends???
Wait, you want WHAT??? You want ME to go! (oh dear God in heaven - front row! - did I say that already?)
Can I get off work Saturday, is it possible! YOU BET CLAY'S SWEET CHEEKS IT IS!
So..I call my husband and tell him the good news - honey, I'm leaving tomorrow with Erin and we are heading to Memphis, you got the kids and all that entails and - since we have front row seats - you may never hear from me again! Love Ya!
SATURDAY- It is 8:30 am and I am packed. The truck has a full tank of gas and I am out'ta here! Heading to Erin's house, I try to focus on driving and NOT focus on the fact that in a few hours, Clay (and all THAT entails) will be inches from ME!!!!! I wonder if I will be able to smell him! (or lick his ears for that matter!) Ding dang - CONCENTRATE ON THE ROAD! Erin is standing at the door with the same sh*t-eating grin on her face that I have on mine!
We don't even speak..we just SCREAM!!!!!!!! Within minutes we are heading up the highway towards what WE consider to be THE REAL GRACELAND!!!!!! CLAYLAND!
Every word we speak is CLAY! Every thought we share is CLAY! It's like we split apart from each other's heads. 30 minutes into the drive, I know that this marvelous woman next to me, would become one of my dearest friends (which she has!).
The drive:
*Oh look a billboard - PORK, THE OTHER WHITE MEAT - that makes us think of CLAY!!!! Ha! Ha! Ha!
*And there is a man dressed in a giant HOTDOG costume standing outside of a Sneaky Pete's! That makes us think of CLAY!!!!!!! (and Wendy of course!Because at the same time we both scream her name!)
*Over there, that is a Western Supply Store, the marquee says "Ranch Supplies Sold Here!". Who else could we be thinking of!! CLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and the Broads of course!) Wait - should we stop in & grab up a lasso????
The ideas are endless, the conversation is lecherous. Can it get any better than this? I THINK NOT!
WE ARRIVE in the scorching hot city of Memphis (wait, is it Tenn or Miss???) (inside joke) shortly after 3. We can see the Pyramid thrusting out of the sky like a PACKAGE in the night. We head straight for it, just wanting to drive around and make sure we know EXACTLY were we need to go later tonight.
As we enter the side parking lot, we see them. CLAY FANS! They are lined up against the fence. Erin and I squeal with delight! We slap on a pound of lip-gloss and grab our CD's & sharpies (Erin thinks of everything) only to find Clay has come and gone. But no one was able to see him, so we did not miss anything. We are hoping to find our people so I yell out, "ANY LECHEROUS BROADS HERE?". Nope, not a one. But we got Broad FANS!!!! THEY LIKE US - THEY REALLY LIKE US!
THE HOTEL was only a few miles from the Pyramid. We knew where we needed to be and how long it would take to get there. Now we just had to try and relax and conserve our energy. It seemed to be seeping out of our pores. And yes - we were given keys to our room, only to find it was already inhabited!
Just imagine what we could have walked in on - it could have permanently injured our pure virgin eyes! (yeah, right) Heading out of the hotel office with a NEW room key, we saw a Broad wearing red shoes. RED SHOES I say to Erin. The Broad looks at us and says, I know where ya'll are going! Low and behold, it is LB Lisa! It is funny but when you meet a LB, you just have to scream and hug and jump around like mad women.it is an unwritten law!
SO - we have a little dinner (not much, just enough to coat the butterflies), watch the news and then - we doll ourselves up like 10th graders on their first Prom night! Hair products and eyeliners are flying everywhere! But ding dang if we don't look good. I mean, Clay may just hop off the stage and tackle US!!!
We park about a half-mile from the Pyramid so that we can flaunt our signs as we walk down the street! I mean, if your gonna be lecherous, BE LECHEROUS! Erin's right, it was our own parade, but Macy's couldn't have done better!
The crowd has built up outside along with the anticipation. Erin & I can hardly stand it. We search the people for signs of Broads. Hey.what do you know - It's RUTH! That's 2!
As we enter the arena, we can no longer speak! This is it! Can you believe it! FRONT ROW! We potty (a must!) then we head down to the floor and seem shocked that security lets us through. It worked; the tickets aren't a cruel joke after all! Erin scans the section for more Broads. There is Ruth again, Jill, Cella and the Mardi Gras Mamas (thank you for the beads you CRAZY, CRAZY BROADS), Gail (who was so sweet! She made us each pins, wrapped up with our names, with Clay's picture and LBFCA written on them..big huge kisses to you Gail!)
Erin is insane! I am so scared I may pee myself. My bladder is rebelling! I truly feel like I may faint!
We flaunt our signs and try to let everyone in the entire arena know that WE ARE THERE!!!!! (I really think they all did by the time we left).
The girls next to us, 2 from PROC were so great! We are talking to them when Erin spots Jerome. She bares the Broads soul to him. She hands him a folder that has several copies of LBFCA Mainpages and her FAMOUS AS H**L picture from Rollingstone.com. Jerome is ammused. But he is also being bombarded with gifts for Clay. Butterbritches must be able to fill the entire bus with all his gifts by now. (half of which being panties) I actually called a Broad right at this point, but until we were home and able to find out, I was unsure whom I spoke to! (It was Wendy and I am sure she knows that I was INSANE, but understands why!)
Oh - the lights start to dim. Can I survive this again.seeing his face. UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL!
Watching the show again was torture. Knowing all the songs I would have to listen to before I get to Sweetbritches. I prayed that the others would go by quickly. Then I prayed that time would stand still once he came out, because its not long before he his gone again.. Wait.he hasn't even been out yet, and I am already crying!
I am getting more excited and the pain in the pit of my stomach has let up. By the time Rickey comes out I am by Erin's side screaming like a banshee. He reaches out to touch us but we are � an inch off. I just want to touch someone who has TOUCHED Clay! We have worked ourselves up into a Broad frenzy!
Then it happens.
CLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At long last.
Again THIS IS THE NIGHT! THE MINUTE! THE SECOND!
Being so close is indescribable. I have told Erin before that she won the lottery. And she did! We stare at him! I MEAN STARE AT HIM! I look from his head to his feet. And what feet they are! They are platforms to hold up that glorious body! His skin is like butter, his ears so lickable. I can make out freckles on his arms. Little hair stand up on his skin and you can faintly make them out. I swear to all that is holy, this is the best night of my life!
He was in such a Clayfull mood! Mid-way through the song, he actually walks over to Erin & I, looks at our signs, shakes his head, laughs and walks away! He was being SO FRISKY! (damn, why didn't we stop & get that lasso) HE LOVES HIM SOME BROADS! It was all he could do to keep his composure!
Mine is gone!
Every word is better than the last. It is a foreplay of Clay! By the time intermission comes, I am panting and sweating and dripping for every pore in my body!
I can't even remember them stopping for a break. His face was engraved on my retinas and I could not concentrate of anything!
*Note: from our advantage point we could see Clay rise up out of the floor through a small crack in the stage - THAT was so erotic!
Group songs ( he really does look like an angel in white, I know I have said that before!) then - he and Ruben are starting with TGIM. They start the song, and I whip out my boxers! A pair of yellow gingham that I have painted LBFCA down the fly and put Erin on one cheek and Robin on the other. I doll this up with little red hearts and add LECHEROUS BROADS FROM ATLANTA on the leg! They make it to the stage and he picks them up and puts them to the side with all the other undergarments that are flying.
Someone nails him with a pair of flashy red boxers and he holds them up & laughs. I picture him wearing them and I BEAM!!!! (dreaming here) HELLO! Come back Robin!
Panties are going everywhere - there must be 20 pair on the stage. He picks up a pair of red thongs and puts them on Rubens head. I picture him in those too - I know it is twisted, but still! I BEAM!
Everything goes by so fast. Every song is incredible but I want him to just stand there and let me gaze! I try to take pictures but my legs are shaking.
There is a photographer standing there and he has been snapping pictures of Erin & I all night. He asks us for our names & where we are from and I try to write this info on a microscopic piece of paper. What the hell is my name again!!!!! He tells us to check the front page in the morn - WE ARE GIDDY!!!!
By the time he is into CYFTLT, I am realizing that it is almost over! I couldn't help it! I knew it would be sooo long before I would be able to look into his eyes again! I am trying not to be depressed!
Erin is yelling, "LOOK AT HIS HANDS, LOOK AT HIS FEET, LOOK AT WALDO!". I AM looking!!!!!!!!
LET'S GET TO THE CLUTCH! & THE EF!!!!!
He rises up from the stage and I know what is coming (besides me). As he comes up (again, me too) for Invisible - we see his body rise through the crack. Erin & I are on our tiptoes with anticipation! He starts Invisible and I am leaping out of my painted Clay shoes! DAMN HE LOOKS GOOD IN ORANGE!
I MEAN GA'OOOOOOD! He tries to stay away from us, hoping he'll get through the song without us jumping on the stage and attacking him but he can't resist. He just HAS to do it - right in our face! A clutch and an EF! At that moment I promise you my heart stopped! I could have been pronounced dead the next few seconds! But it would have been ok with me. Thank God, the blood started flowing again and I was able to breath. Erin & I are screaming and panting and moaning.....Then we get THE LOOK! Yeah, you know the one! My body is saying YES! To all his questions! YES ! YES! YES!
I guess I have on'ed & on'ed to the point of pure babble now. I will tell you that after Invisible I went numb. I knew that was all she wrote! I clicked a few more pics on PTBAA and Erin & I held hands, up in the air, waving as we sang along! I cried (big baby) again!
When the show was over we stood there and watched all of Trenyce, K-Lo & Rickey's family members go back stage. We did not have a chance. We never said goodbye to any Broads. We left the arena with our heads down. The fresh air though, revitalized us and the � mile walk back to the car was Broad'ific! We marched with our signs held high, screaming LBFCA to every car that went by. We got honks and yells and lechery from all! Our throats hurt but we keep yelling! It is our God given right! And we took total advantage!
Now - I have to share my 2 a.m. story! (yes, quickly)
Erin & I were so exhausted when we got back to the room that after a few re-caps and swooning, we went straight to bed. I am sleeping so sound, but I wake up and hear - WHAT IS THAT???? - MY GOD..IT IS INVISIBLE! Someone is playing it in OUR ROOM. I can see Erin in the dim light and she stirs just a little as I crawl out of bed. It is SO LOUD, can she not hear it. I get up and go to the bathroom. It is coming from the nightlight. HOW STRANGE IS THAT! I look at it and rub on it and suddenly, IT STOPS! I am too dazed to even realize that it is a dream. I head back to bed, still amazed that someone could do that in our room, and close my eyes till morning.
MEMPHIS TO ATLANTA!
We leave our room and head straight to a paper. DING DANG! Can't a Broad get a break! Trenyce is on the cover. Oh well, what's a Broad to do.
The ride home we listen to Clay songs, singing at the top of our lungs. Then I whip out some of my custom made CDs and share with Erin my fav's. I tell her that each song will make her think of Clay! And they do! Killing Me Softly never sounded so good. "Killing me softly with his song, telling my whole with his words - killing me softly, with his song!"
By the time I dropped Erin off I was so tired my eyes hurt. We said our goodbyes and knew we had just shared something so special. Something I will remember my entire life. She walked away as I drove out of the driveway!
I LOVE HER! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS BROAD!
I called her crying before I made it out of the neighborhood!
Robin
-Note from Nelle: You, too, can participate in the LBFCA Summer Series, and have your Broad's Eye View Report, or, for any other Brude's out there, your Summary of Clay, about Clay's Summer Concert Tour on the LBFCA Main Page. Just send it to Nelle via email, and she'll post it ASAP. (If you are a lurker, or otherwise wish to remain anonymous, just let me know that in your email). Don't worry about your BEVR not being the same size or looking the same as anyone elses. Here at LBFCA we celebrate diversity. Every BEVR is unique. This is your personal experience of witnessing what Katynka so gloriously described as "a little hockey-jersey-clutchin,' white-leather-wearin,' DTTR revealin,' mic-flickin,' thigh-strokin,' eye-f***ing, smokin,' jokin,' singin,' hunk-o-burnin' libido."
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