Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2003-08-25
7:09 a.m.

BEVR: Karen/St. Louis

Clay Shows the "Show Me" State

I have regrettably had to wait until this weekend to reveal my St. Louis BEVR but it has been sympathetically throbbing for release ever since I read the other Broad's BEVRS. So, no more squirming with anticipation: here it comes....

Phenomenological Note: Viewed from this angle:

The Arch, served as a Beacon in the shape of the letter "C" - drawing Broads from afar, to worship and exclaim at the feet of HRH in the city of St. Louis on August 17, 2003. Since the other St. Louis Broads have pretty much described, in titillating detail, the chronology of events that led us up to the actual concert, I will now attempt to insert a few more details of my own, to complete the picture...

Because I spend more nights sleeping in a Hilton property each year than I do in my own bed at home, I utilized some of my hundreds of thousands (honestly) of hotel points to stay at a Hilton property rather than at the Hyatt by the Savvis Center. Therefore, I cannot claim to have slept with Clay on Saturday night, as the other Broads can. I did, however, walk up to Jerome and slip my arm around his waist and have a brief conversation with him in the lobby of the Hyatt. He placed his arm around my shoulders while we spoke. In parting, I gave him a hug. (Did anyone happen to mention that Jerome is a beautiful man, giant like a mighty redwood tree, and has a heart-stopping smile?) I digress. Anyway, I like to think that via our exchange, I was able to transfer some DNA to Jerome that subsequently was transferred to HRH when he was being escorted by the aforesaid, yummy, Jerome. So, I would like to claim that Clay and I have, at least, become intimate on a cellular level.

Now, for the concert! Let me begin by saying that my only interest in the show was to see OMC up close and personal to find out for myself if his vibe is the real thing or if he was merely the product of clever camera work, makeup, and cheesy production values. With time being linear and having only a finite number of seconds available to me in this incarnation, I was more than impatient to get past the ForeClay and on to The Main Event. So, I have no comments to make regarding the other performers except to concur with all of the praise that has been heaped upon them and add "BFD, now get off the stage!"

Beth , The Friggin Wax Goddess and I were front row, facing the left side of the stage. We were half a dozen feet from OMC when he came over to our side of the stage, which was quite often. Other than that, we had to rely on the Jumbotron a great deal because of a space-sharing problem with a nearby woman holding a sign that read "If I brushed my teeth with mint toothpaste and you kissed me, would you have an allergic reaction?" Let me just say that I had a sign that freaking LIT UP, and I was pissed that she was waving her sign over her head and blocking the view of other concert goers. But that's just ME. Something else that's just ME is myself and my sign on the Jumbotron!

I did eventually share with her that she was raining on our ClayParade with her sign and she did hold it a little lower after that. The security guys were only about two feet away from us so it's not like I could slug her or anything. RATS!

Before I expound on HRH, I must step up and make a small confession. Beth has previously reported that our unique location allowed us to look UP at the performers when they were at our corner of the stage. This was not a bad thing except when Ruben graced us with his presence. Somehow, that big boulder from the beginning of "Raiders of The Lost Ark" had gotten lodged up under his shirt and the view from below was frankly terrifying. I was fearful that it was going to bust loose and kill us all! It was an intimate moment with Ruben that I had planned upon suppressing for the rest of my life until Beth 'fessed up.' Beth, maybe we can get a discount on electrocshock therapy if we go in together? What do you think?

Clay must have known that Missouri is the "Show Me" state because that's exactly what he did during that concert. He totally unleashed his WMS on the helpless multitudes and he did so with INTENT! Make absolutely no mistake about it, he knows EXACTLY what he's doing and he WORKS IT for all he's worth. He bounded across that stage, with full intent, over to our side of the stage [stage right] to unleash the first clutch of the night during Invisible. [Hereafter known as The Monster Clutch] Less than a half-dozen feet from Beth's and my dazed eyes, he grabbed that jersey, jerked it up, and wagged Waldo in the down and dirtiest move I've ever seen him make! Watch the video for yourself to see what our wondering eyes beheld. From the angle of the video you can see but can't really appreciate the fact that he punctuated that move by ending with a downward jab of his index finger, directed at our section of the crowd in a real "Deal with that!" gesture. The videographer was only two seats away from me and I will be forever grateful that my response to that move was not immortalized along with the forever famous "Oh my God, Oh My God, What was that move?" from the first Invisible videoclip. I could only squeak out a barely audible and astounded "Holy S**T!" If you watch the new St. Louis videoclip, the chronology goes like this: 1.21: Clay says to himself "I think I'll just head back to stage right and mess with Karen's and Beth's heads.", 1.36: "I hope you're wearing Kryptonite Glasses, Broads!" and 1.38: "Is that smoke coming out of their ears?" Do I lie? The evidence is right there for all to see!

Since I watched Clay exclusively when he was onstage, I witnessed his finally getting the fabled dance step right for the first time. He was over on our side of the stage again and I didn't realize what had happened since he was just doing what everyone else was doing but he suddenly made a jubilant gesture to Kimberme (Gah!), and I couldn't figure out why until he announced it a few minutes later. I think he got a huge buzz from finally getting the dance step right and actually repeated it when he was telling about doing it right for the first time. The truly delightful part was, after that, I could see that he really thought he'd had some sort of Terpsichorial Epiphany and was channeling the spirit of the dearly departed Gregory Hines. He really GOT DOWN with his dancing after that and during a bit where they were out there just dancing with the REAL dancers, Clay was really working it. He had his eyes closed with his lower lip caught in the famous lip-bite and was shaking his booty like it was on fire! The real dancer just cracked up and gave him a hi-five for his efforts. Now Clay really can dance okay but he's nowhere near as good as he was believing he was that night. That made it even more delightful to me and I think that's why we got the Monster Clutch and some of the other stomps and bodacious moves during Invisible, including the Special Prudence Clutch!

The following items were tossed upon the stage, by myself, during an appropriate moment so HRH would have a memento of our special night together. The Krispy Kreme Boxer Shorts have the LBFCA website address written, indelibly, on the inside front waistband so he will always be reminded of us whenever he does an 'equipment check.'

The Krispy Kreme T-Shirt completes the ensemble as shown:

The attached note suggested that he might enjoy wearing them to sleep in, ensuring sweet dreams of his most loving Broads.

I will carry the memory of that night with me always and will always be grateful that I was able to experience Clay at this point in his career and in this type of venue. He is evolving so rapidly, the next time will be very different. I am so excited about seeing him in a solo tour and seeing what he brings to the table in that format. It will be entirely different for him to carry a show alone and without the interplay with other performers. I have no doubt that he will BRING IT, wherever he goes and whatever he does.

My favorite moments: The Monster Clutch and Finger Jab, the "Light me up a cigarette, I'm spent" exhalation at the end of Invisible (St. Louis video #1) and at the very end of the show when he just stood there, earplugs out, face uplifted, sweeping his gaze over the entire arena, apparently hoping to drink it all in with his eyes and ears. What was he thinking and feeling then? Who can say? It seemed to me that he was trying to absorb it all to imprint it upon his memory so he could replay it again sometime later. What he still doesn't seem to understand is that he is not destined to replay these moments. He is simply destined to repeat them.

Karen


-Note from Nelle: You, too, can participate in the LBFCA Summer Series, and have your Broad's Eye View Report, or, for any other Brude's out there, your Summary of Clay, about Clay's Summer Concert Tour on the LBFCA Main Page. Just send it to Nelle via email, and she'll post it ASAP. (If you are a lurker, or otherwise wish to remain anonymous, just let me know that in your email). Don't worry about your BEVR not being the same size or looking the same as anyone elses. Here at LBFCA we celebrate diversity. Every BEVR is unique. This is your personal experience of witnessing what Katynka so gloriously described as "a little hockey-jersey-clutchin,' white-leather-wearin,' DTTR revealin,' mic-flickin,' thigh-strokin,' eye-f***ing, smokin,' jokin,' singin,' hunk-o-burnin' libido."

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