Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2003-09-10
7:37 p.m.

BEVR: Lurker Sandy (tqween)/Anaheim

Broad's Eye View Report: Lurker Sandy (tqween)/Anaheim

Finally I can contribute my own BEVR to the bunch! I've been enjoying everyone's reports so much.

For me, this obsession is like a drug with no withdrawal in sight, has been around since our boy first sang "Open Arms". I said then to my husband (like he cares!) "That kid, as unlikely as he looks, will be the next American Idol." On that day little written notes, messages scrawled on bits of paper stuffed into my Journal began to appear. I just had to figure out what was going on with me. Writing sometimes helps give me answers. How does a twenty four year old boy make my fifty four year old heart leap out of my chest, make my palms sweat, turn on my fantasy/ obsession button which I thought had died forty years ago with my Beatlemania and make me an embarrassed giddy teen again with a libido to match? I downloaded thousands of Clay photos and printed up about a hundred to line my studio walls like wallpaper. I cried if my VCR wasn't working and I would have to miss an AI show. I'd slip any magazines with Clay articles into our grocery cart and started a Clay file on my computer and another one for my filing cabinet.. My mind was constantly filled with thoughts about him and my dreams were being invaded with his images. What's going on? It's not like I don't have a great husband! It was of course impossible to hide this obsession. My man thought I was silly and that soon it would pass.. My kids thought I had lost all my gray matter. I thought I was the only "older" woman on earth that had this foolish unstoppable crush.

After the AI show ended and I lost my best Clay fix I needed somehow to artificially stimulate my passion. I'm a metal artist. I do large metal wall sculptures for Star Trek but I also do jewelry. I thought it would be a kick to make some jewelry for Clay's mom. I constructed a small silver and colored-metal brooch in the form of a television set with Clay's face on the screen. I made a small price tag on the back that said "Priceless", a miniature "How to use your Clay Aiken Television" booklet and a tiny wooden box that looked like a shipping crate for it all to fit into. It came out quite cute and clever so I sent it to Faye Parker. Weeks passed and I heard nothing.

When tickets to the AI Concert Tour went on sale, of course I dismissed the idea of buying any. How embarrassed I would be! I had visions of me being the only older woman in a crowded auditorium. I could just see it. The place is filled with teens and preteens. Just before the concert begins an official looking guy goes on stage and takes the mic. "Will the menopausal women in section C, row 3, seat 11 please stand up and go to the nearest exit where armed guards will escort you to a waiting patrol car? We don't look kindly on pedophiles." I never realized then that there were a kazillion other "experienced" ladies just like me, all willing to scream their lungs out at an AI concert for our dreamboat. When I finally discovered I wasn't caught in this Clay spell alone it was such a relief (not unlike finally discovering you weren't the only one to masturbate) but by then the show was pretty much sold out so I figured it was a lost cause. A few days before the Anaheim concert I felt severe pangs of regret, more than ever being a solid lurker of LBFCA. I was kicking myself around the block. Three days before the concert, someone told me it was still possible to get tickets. I nabbed two on line but didn't have a clue where the seats were in proximity to the stage since I never had been to Arrowhead Pond. I gathered up our binoculars thinking Clay's face would be the size of a pinhead. Of course my husband was thrilled to find out that we both would be going to the Sunday night Anaheim Xtravaganza and he would be driving. The only interest he ever showed AI was when he came up with an idea for trying out for the next round. Instead of singing he would drone out the noise of a motorcycle at a stoplight so when sl**on asks, "What are you doing?", he would say, "I'm trying out for American Idle." But he was a good sport about going and didn't give me too much crap.

I was so worried my capped front teeth would suddenly break off the day of the show or we'd have a major earthquake and before we finally left I was nervous our car would loose a tire, we'd get lost and be late or we'd surely get caught up in a Labor Day traffic jam so I insisted we leave two and a half hours before the show started. We live fifty-five miles from Anaheim so I figured this would give us enough of a buffer. God must love me (even though I lust after young men) because it was the best traffic I had ever seen on the 5 freeway and we were there in an hour. Hordes of people were already there so I was glad we left when we did.

My stomach finally settled down when we had our seats. I was so surprised how good they were! Clay's face would not be the size of a pin head and he wouldn't look like this-----------> * We were so close I was sorry I left my "CLAY, What the World Needs Now" poster at home for the sake of my embarrassed husband. I handed my camera to my spouse, a camera man in real life, to take Clay pictures so I could settle back and soak in the perfection of the boy. Just before the show starts my husband disappears and comes back with two gigantic, brimming to the top beers. I promptly kick mine over spilling it under the entire row of seats. Everyone next to me now had to stand in a small river of booze. So my partner goes back and gets more while everyone looks on fearfully! He has a bad habit of teasing me and his snide remarks weren't left at home. I got sick of his constant, under his breath silliness so I gave him a good jab and snarled at him to "Shut up!" He apologized and was a good boy for the rest of the night.

Waiting for Clay to make his appearance while listening to all the other idols in the sequence they were voted off was like foreplay before the big O. When Clay finally came out, the roars were significant. This was for sure a Clay crowd but I suspect every other AI concert was a Clay crowd (except maybe Birmingham). Red shirts abounded. All the idols sounded great but nothing like the Man. After all, everyone else becomes insignificant when in the same auditorium with him. His aura overwhelms whatever space he's in. I just couldn't believe he was only a few feet away from me, my beautiful boy, my idol, the one responsible for bringing me within spittin' distance of a heart attack! If only I could touch the edge of his shirt sleeve and be blessed! But listening to that glorious, heavenly voice and seeing his sweet kissable face was enough blessing or else this broad would be blowing a major fuse.

At one point some thongs, dirty socks (which Clay puzzled over), teddy bears and a pair of men's briefs that looked similar to something given to him before by LBFCA were all hurled on the stage. Clay slips the briefs on over his white pants and walked around the stage with them on. He excuses himself, turns around and slides them down which caused some screams from the audience!

I think during a profound experience or in the presence of an angel one tends to go into a haze, a type of altered consciousness, rendering one unable to remember much of anything. Or is that just me? All I know is that I was experiencing a unique feeling, something indescribable when our beloved rose out of the mist. What a performer he is with such a gorgeous face, so wonderfully tall and slender while all in white and then with that electrifying voice! All his feelings are out there, so real, so truthful, with nothing hidden. Romance is back again. I doubt if anyone ever has had the ability to give me chills up and down my spine, major goosebumps and make me quiver the way that sweet thing can.. Are you familiar with the feeling? How can this all be wrapped up in one being? That boy is nothing less than luscious!

I was grateful for the dark. My drool was spilling down my chin, joining the river of beer below.

Close to Intermission Clay points out where his mom and younger brother Brett are sitting. Mom was near me but in a floor seat but that young boy in red sitting right in front of me was, you guessed it, Brett! Well you know what I was thinking? I immediately learned over and discretely whispered in his ear, "I sent your mom some jewelry. Do you have any idea how I could find out whether she got it?" Well it seemed I had asked the dumbest question of the Century. He looks at me and says, "No." So maybe it was a dumb question but then I follow it up with an even more idiotic question, "Where's Clay's bodyguard?" (thinking maybe Jerome could help me?) Brett says, "About three feet away from Clay." I decided I didn't like feeling I was born a half hour ago so I thanked him (for what?) and sat back in my seat. I figured, blame it on the poor boy being bored out of his mind with Clay questions. It's finally Intermission, Brett leaves, mom takes his place. Within seconds I'm standing next to Faye asking her about my gift. "Do you remember getting a little box with jewelry in it? It was a brooch..." She lights up just a little and says, "Yes, the minature television pin! Yes, it's very nice, thank you. I've been wearing it. I've worn it several times already. "I'm so glad you like it " I say. "Yes" she says. And that was that. Well don't get me wrong I was pretty darn stoked about meeting her and hearing what she said but here's me always wishing for something more. I imagined a different, even better response: She says, "Oh it's gorgeous. Please give me some more of your cards so I can hand them out to all the people who comment on my new pin. I understand you also do large wall work? When can we come over to your studio and pick out several to buy for my home and those of my decorating client's homes? Oh and don't forget Clay! He would love your work! Give me your phone number and I'll have Clay give you a call or better yet, here's his e-mail address. Just write and tell us when it's convenient for you to have us visit. You are the most creative genius I have ever met, blah, blah, blah." Okay, back to reality. I hear my husband saying, "Turn around." He then takes a photo of me with Faye. I was so glad for my husband's great timing! She was being pawed and fawned over from every vantage point by everyone. Jerome soon came and whisked her away. I found myself thinking this whole deal must be like being caught in a sudden, huge cyclone with no possibility of escape and I started to feel even a little sorry for her.

The second half of the show was another glorious ride and just when I thought it was finished, surprise, surprise, here comes Clay with a Mighty Ducks jersey on. I knew my fave, "Invisible" was about to begin. A roar rises from the crowd as he begins his gyrating, grabbing, tugging and prancing across the stage. What energy he has; such sexual energy!! Now was the time to touch him! I just let myself feel the high thinking what it would be like to be twenty four and his girlfriend. (Oh come on! You've all thought it and you know it!)

Trying to burn images into my memory doesn't work as well as it use to for me so I was grateful for the camera. Unfortunately in spite of great seats the pictures turned out pretty darn grainy so I cleaned them up the best I could. Maybe, being a foot closer I could have taken better pictures? But then with my fake "nail on nails" I couldn't press the shutter anyway!

What a Claylicious night it was!!

Lurker Sandy (tqween)

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