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2003-09-25
Broadmuda Triangle: Sandi
I have been around for a long while...on the Broads site...and in Life! I was not always the oldest on the Purple Pages but as others slipped away, I think I claimed that dubious distinction! So, my story of my life BC, {Before Clay} may be a little different than some, but our journey remains the same! Born in 1941, I remember Sinatra, though I was more a Vic Damone fan...I watched Elvis shake his hips on the Ed Sullivan show and screamed with the other kids, though I much preferred Frankie Avalon. My biggest crush as a teenager was not a singer but a moody, young actor named James Dean. He stole my heart the first time I saw him and I even addressed my secret diary to him! {I can tell you to this day, every detail of the day he died.} And I was a young wife and mother during the 60's so only had a chance to watch my favorite Beatle, George Harrison, while folding diapers and mixing formula. Gradually, Real Life took over and the little girl who use to be filled with fantasy and wonder, disappeared in the maze of bills, jobs, children and divorce. Judith Viorst said it better than I ever could...I hope this is a treat for those of you who do not know her books...I think many of you will relate to her melancholy words of loss.
I'd planned to be Heathcliff's Cathy, Lady Brett, Now, years later, here I sat...divorced twice, children grown, living a solitary life in my house by the sea. Someone said that growing old is not for Sissies...but the difficult part is not FEELING old inside! I would sometimes walk by a store window and wonder who that woman was looking back...not bad looking for her AGE...but surely not ME! And the worst part was...despite moments of quiet happiness...there was no more rush, no more true excitement, no more passion!
And then there was CLAY! No need to go into detail as my story is pretty much the same as yours. I was suddenly fifteen again! I found myself laughing and crying and worrying over a young man that I had never met...and never would meet! He brought back all the feelings that were there when my hair was red instead of grey, when my skin was freckled instead of wrinkled, my breasts had not reached my widening waist...and my heart was innocent and trusting, rather than jaded and suspicious! "Something is WRONG with me!!" I said. "Something is WRONG with you!!" my children said. And while I LIKED it, I was worried !!
the Broads receive their copies of ELLE... Then, while searching the various Clay sites, I found the Lecherous Broads! It was early on the Purple Pages and the first contacts I had were with Chandra and Judy, who were around my own age. They UNDERSTOOD! They were also lost in this puzzling love for Clay Aiken! We posted our all consuming thoughts and emailed each other in private...there were others out there who felt as I did...I was NOT ALONE!!! And, so it began... Now...months later...I have lost some friends and gained some new ones! Julie has taken me with her to Dallas, Cindy has lovingly handed my BEVR to Clay in Boise, Nelle and the others, on a daily basis, bring laughter and witty, stimulating conversation to the Guestbook! And, I am writing again!! Once more, life is filled with passion and inspiration! That grey haired woman is still in the store window when I pass...but, somehow, she looks younger these days...and she has a funny smile on her face as though she knows a secret! She is now, thanks to the magic of Clay Aiken and the spirit and friendship of the Broads, finding it easier to be Cathy, Scarlett and Nicole! She was a creative, fun, imaginative young girl and I am so glad she is back! I have missed her! -- Sandi (with posting assistance from Julie)
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