Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2003-09-27
2:54 p.m.

Why We Believe Clay Aiken Loves LBFCA (*edited)

Why We Believe Clay Aiken Loves LBFCA (*edited)

(*Note from Nelle: edited to add the Donut Exhibit, which was inadvertently omitted in the original version of this MP, because Nelle is still insanely jealous that the only MP Clayton has ever mentioned in public is not one of hers!) (*Ok, Katynka and Marie, I fixed it. Are you happy now?*)


We certainly have reason to believe Clay loves Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken. Perhaps I've been watching too many Law and Order reruns, but, I'm going to present the evidence, as I see it.


Exhibit A:

The color purple has long been associated with LBFCA. Note the entry, signed by 'Clay Aiken,' early in our Guest Book:

Well, that's not really a very good exhibit, evidentiary wise. The Founding Broads long ago assured us that post was from someone's friend playing a silly trick on one of them. But, we like silly tricks at LBFCA, so, I thought I'd throw it in here, just for fun. Plus, it does a nice job showing off our Purple Pages, which is very important for much of the remaining evidence. Besides, we all know Clay doesn't call us "ladies." He calls us "Broads," or, to make our toes curl, he calls us "gurrls."

Now, let's get down to the serious business at hand.


Exhibit B:

Lyrics!

It hardly needs mention, but, all through the season of AI2, Clay sang those sexy love song lyrics to us, with obvious (to us) seductive intent, including, "always and forever," "don't let the sun go down on me," "lying beside you, here in the dark," "so, now I come to you with open arms," "Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch, you know that I'm weak for you," "we'll be together," "here I stand with my everlasting love," "ohhhh oh oh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Oh, yes, we learned very early, this man knows how to enflame lechery and we happily received every one of these messages.

It quickly became clear to us Clay was trying, as hard as he could, to satisfy our lecherous longings right through our television sets. He kept on singing to us, in his lovingly sexy way, "lying here with you," "I could not ask for more than the love you give me," "build me up, ohhhhh," "I need you," "I want my life to be, to live with you," "the way I love you," "oh, my love, my darling, I've hungered, hungered for your touch," "I need your love, god speed your love to me," "I've been waiting forever for this, this is the night," "the answer to all my dreams is as close as a touch away," "hold me close to your heart," "I would go with you to the ends of the earth, and we'll fly," "we will never be lonely again," "both of us thinking how good it could be," "knowing that love is to share," "believing that love never dies," "I will be there."

(Much later, some Broads had a little fun with many of those lyrics. Watch out, it's spicy at Clay's Tramp).

But, we all know a loving relationship is not all about sex sex sex [tm Wanda Sykes, describing Clay's album cover on TRL yesterday]. Sometimes it's about something else. Um....

I'm a little distracted here, where was I? Oh, yes, sometimes a loving relationship is about being comforting, and nurturing.

Right before the season ended, when no one could be sure whether it would bring us joy or sorrow, Clayton made us this promise: "when you're weary, feeling small, when tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all. I'm on your side, when times get rough," "like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down," "like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind." And he did. Right when we most wanted to take care of him, he took care of us. Over and over.

Then, he wasn't on our TVs every week anymore. He clearly needed another way to communicate his love for us.


Exhibit C:

July 3, 2003, Clay calls out our name on a Raleigh radio interview.

Do you hear the passionate longing in his voice, so full of reciprocal lechery for all his Broads? Well, we do....


Exhibit D:

Clay appears on stage in the 2003 ClayLive Summer Concert Tour, rising up out of the mist in a handsome suit and purple tie!

See Exhibit A, above, for the significance of the color purple at LBFCA! Now, this is getting really obvious, Clay is making a dramatic move here.


Exhibit E:

Apparently thinking we didn't understand his purple tie message the first time, or, perhaps because he drooled all over that tie so much just thinking about us, he started wearing a different tie.....was it red, or blue, or green, or silver? No, no, no and, no.

Another purple tie:

We can't help it that Clayton chose such a package shaped symbol with which to shout-out to us....but, we like to imagine he knows we enjoy our package symbolism.


Exhibit F:

On July 29, 2003, Honorary LB Jenne, encountered Clay at an event in DC. When she mentioned LBFCA, he was seen salivating over us:

Well, that's what Jenne told us, anyway. And, we choose to believe her.


Donut Exhibit:

In the above mentioned radio interview (July 3, 2003, in Raleigh), the DJ asked Clay about his eating habits, and Clay claimed "one half of my butt is Krispy Kreme's and the other half is mac 'n cheese." The Broads stepped into action, and celebrated this news: Oh Happy Day! On August 8, 2003, Theresa, who had been quietly lurking at LBFCA, had an encounter with Clay at a Charlotte radio station event. Apparently perceiving her as a Lecherous Broad, even before she had so disclosed, Clay hugged Theresa with such gusto she was momentarily speechless (He has a surprising power to induce a brief dissociative state in susceptible subjects. Watch for further intensive study on this topic). With the support and encouragement of the DJs, Thresa regained her senses, and asked Clay about LBFCA, and the infamous Krispy Kreme Cheeks photo. Clay responded: "I adore Katynka for putting donuts on mah butt." Well, that's how Kat likes to tell the story. Here's how it sounded to the rest of us: (right click to save, please) "donuts on mah butt." When we listened to the whole interview, we couldn't help but notice how Clayton insisted Theresa explain the name "Lecherous Broads," and how he repeated it, oh so very lovingly, with a sexy sly giggle. You can read Theresa's BEVR, for her version of events, and, follow the links to news coverage (with text and video!) and a photo album. Clay is simply glowing in the photos from that day, which we can only assume is from him having the opportunity to be up close and personal with a real live LB.


Exhibit G!G!G!:

Not only did he wear two different purple ties during the concert season, Clay started off right away, dancing like this:

We responded by displaying BEVR after BEVR, and building The Ranch, and writing songs in his honor ( White Leather, Clutch Aiken is Too Sexy, Sweet Baby Clay (oh, get over it), Clayton!, This is the Sight, Dressing to the Right), and, simply, celebrating Clay every day.

Clearly motivated by our mutual attraction, Clay answered us from stage with moves like this:

and, this:

Oh, we were getting his message all right. You don't think he was dancing like that for his non-lecherous fans, do you? (Does Clay really have non-lecherous fans?)

Then, the concert series ended, MDA quickly came and went, and, we didn't see him on our TVs or computers for a while.


Exhibit H:

Clay's next opportunity to call out to us, came (ahem) with the Miss America Pageant last week. He showed up wearing.....another purple tie!

OMGHSFGICBI!


Exhibit I!:

But wait, look, closer....what's this....

That tie is covered in dots! Like a field of O's on a purple bed!

You know what dots mean at LBFCA?

Ok, it's practically getting embarrassing, how bold Clay is being, standing there in public shouting out to us, advertising our torrid love affair in front of all the BQs and a national television audience!

He might just as well have walked out on stage dressed like this:

Oh, darlin' we get the message...we love you, too!


Exhibit J:

Then, just to finish us off, he blew us

.....all a kiss.


I rest my case.

Nelle

Now, if Clay is exhausted from sending us all these public displays of affection, we want to remind him to come on down to The Ranch, and rest up before his big media blitz. We're keeping things all ready for him.

We'll also be watching carefully for his next loving message.

with special thanks to Kelly, Queen of the Animated Gif, for Tampa Invisible 1:04

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