Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2003-10-19
4:42 p.m.

MOAM Week - BEVR:Nelle/The Tonight Show

Nelle's Day in Broad Heaven

Seventeen Days Prior: The Birth of Possibility

On September 26, in an email teasing me about another Broadly issue, Louise told me exciting news of her plans to attend The Tonight Show on October 13. Then, she said:

"I am working on getting one more ticket, and if I do YOU are the one I am calling!!! Ditto if any of my family must back out due to work commitments (they tape around 2 or 3 in the afternoon). No one deserves it more than you! My obvious other objective would be to meet Broad Nelle, who is a hoot and a half! Maybe your own schedule wouldn't allow for a little road trip down the coast, but the thought makes me smile all the same."

I replied that my head was spinning at the thought of making this trip, told her I was experiencing a battle between impulsivity and reality, and expressed great appreciation for her consideration. It made me smile, too.

Then, I told my husband, he said "wow!" Our son, the 21-year-old curmudgeon, immediately questioned the financial reasonableness of such a trip. My husband responded: "we'll figure out a way."

I emailed this news to Louise, and said, "impulsiveness is winning at the moment!" with this post script: "I'm really so ordinary in RL! If I meet you, please promise to not be too disappointed."

Louise explained her contact for obtaining the tickets instructed her to call for confirmation one week prior to the taping. I told a few Broads, in the Dance Party, I gave my boss a head's up about possibly taking another vacation day.

Twelve Days Prior: Anticipatory Plans

About a week and a half prior to the taping, I had a revelation: I don't know Louise! I thought it best to contact her, and see if we could talk on the phone, make this whole thing more real. I told her if I was going to hear about a ticket just a week in advance, I would want to book a flight ASAP, so wanted to make anticipatory plans. I advised her I am not a psychotic axe murderer, and, while I didn't really think she was, I'd feel better if she said so. She replied:

"I am sorry to disappoint you, but I really am a psychotic axe murderer. I'm always real up front about it. Some mind, others don't."

Because an opportunity to see ClayLive was on the line, I adjusted my standards, and proclaimed I only dislike psychotic axe murderers who sneak around and lie about it. I decided, as she was being so honest about it, and all, I'd still go. Still recognizing a ticket for me might not come through.

We started to make plans. Louise insisted on taking very good care of me for this big date of ours. She insisted she would pick me up at the airport, feed me lunch, and deliver me back to the airport. Pretty much all that was expected of me was to show up.

We discussed the all-important issue of 'what to wear.' This was starting to seem more and more real.

Seven Days Prior: Looks Doubtful

On the Monday one-week prior to the show, Louise told me to brace myself: she called her contact twice that day, and got no response. We started to speculate that maybe the contact wasn't returning calls because she felt bad about not being able to come through with tickets. We offered each other support about the disappointment. I kept saying I always knew it wasn't a sure thing.

Six Days Prior: We're Going!

The next day, I was sitting at my computer after work, catching up on the PPs, and THE email arrived from Louise: we're going! Tickets are secured! I screamed out loud! It is real. I book a flight immediately. This is really real!

I told my family, and the Dance Party Broads, and shouted it on the Purple Pages. Support and celebration was incredible. A few expressions of jealousy only added to the glee.

Two Days Prior: What If?

I started to think about an outside chance that I would have an opportunity to get Clay's autograph. I knew I would have to try to get one for Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken. No Broad ever got concert tour backstage passes, or in to a pre-concert meet & greet. We needed an autograph from Clay to all his Broads. Katynka had just made the incredible animated graphic with Clay and the MP Broads....I wanted to take an enlarged (wheeee) version of her photo shopped Time pic, of Clay with the mic stand and purple tie. But, I thought of this too ding dang late, because Kat out of town for the weekend. Melissa sent me the original, which was only as big as the version on the MP. I asked long-time Broad Cindy if she could help me out. She worked like crazy, later telling me she couldn't even sleep till she had it done, then, helped some more with color when the tie printed out to pink. Imagine this printed out, enlarged to 5x7 inches:

Melissa and Cindy both promised not to tell any other Broads what I was going to try to do. If I could get it, I wanted the autograph to be a surprise (you were surprised, weren't you?).

I went to the crafts store, to see if they had any more Purple Tie Pin supplies. No luck. While there I spent $14 on a package of Sharpies, just so I could have the choice of two different purples.

One Day Prior: Panic

The day before TTS, I shared with the MP Broads all my irrational, and rational, fears about making this trip. Everything from what if Louise never shows up at the airport and the whole thing was a terrible trick, to what if Clay is sick or injured and I go all the way there to see Wanda Sykes (yikes!), to what if Jay is mean to Clay, and I'm there to witness Our Buttercup in pain in person.

Many of the Broads on the PPs had been raving about a chance to see Nelle on TV. I shared there, and, even more with the MP Broads, that I didn't want to be made a fool of on TV by Leno or anyone else, and, I especially didn't want to embarrass Clayton. EVER.

Wendy in FL reassured me by pointing out that none of my irrational fears included the possibility of going down there, and never being heard from again. Thanks, Wen! She tried to blame Mr. Wendy for that thought, too.

I instructed the MP Broads to tell Mr. Nelle to play BOTW at my funeral. The MDA version, please.

Morning of TTS: Flying and Meeting Louise

I got to the gate for my plane when they were already boarding. Having rushed through the SJ airport, I didn't have a chance to purchase a People Magazine, so I picked one up at the Burbank terminal. I stood at the curb outside of the airport holding the magazine open to the full-page photo of Clay in front of the Hollywood sign. In a matter of minutes, a woman pulled up in a car, she was smiling and gesturing and pointing at me. I got in and met Louise in RL for the first time. There were hugs and laughter and it was like meeting up with an old friend. Which, of course it was. But, it was real for the first time.

Morning of TTS: Adventures in Navigation

Louise quickly filled me in on the plans for our day, and explained we were first meeting Mr. Louise for lunch. Well, I don't know how long we were in the car, or how far away that restaurant was, but Louise and I were gabbing about Clay and LBFCA the whole time. In between the laughter we even shared some personal information and a secret or two. Louise and I had carried on a friendly email dialogue for a few months, and I think we both found each other just what we'd expected. She is as sweet and as smart and as funny as she seemed from her Anaheim Concert BEVR. I kept marveling at her generosity, and insisting I didn't deserve this wonderful gift. She'd have none of it.

Of course she had Clay singing to us from her CD player. We were having such a good visit, that we were surprised to find ourselves circling a mall that the restaurant didn't seem to be at. We tried side streets, I was watching out for a field of dead corn, and Louise depended on her lifeline cell phone for directional assistance from Mr. Louise. Talking about Clayton can make a Broad lose her bearings on the road. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I'm a bossy Broad, and I finally insisted we stop at a gas station for directions to the correct mall.

Afternoon of TTS: Lunch with Mr. Louise

Before we knew it, the restaurant appeared, at a different mall that apparently knew it was there all along. Mr. Louise met us at the doorway, and was as gracious as could be. I think one of the first things he said to the both of us was that we'd just found out we were real! Yep, I suppose Louise might have been a little worried about Nelle, too.

Louise and I amused Mr. Louise with our Broadly knowledge. And Mr. Louise impressed me by talking about the witty and smart writing at LBFCA. I thought it was wonderful that he'd read some of our creative works. We talked a bit about RL issues. Louise took a call from her contact, and made more plans about where to go and when and how to meet up with her daughter and son-in-law.

Now, here's the kind of people Louise and Mr. Louise are. I was the beneficiary of Mr. Louise's TTS ticket, because he was going to a fundraising dinner for an educational concern. Louise had made nice with her contact by making a donation of some items that would be very valuable at a fundraiser, for, yet another educational concern. That tells us something about Louise's contact, too.

Afternoon of TTS: Meeting Our Contact

After Mr. Louise had been sufficiently amused by us, Louise and I headed back to the freeway, with clear navigational instructions. I showed Louise the photo-shopped picture, and we talked about the possibility of an autograph opportunity. We agreed neither of us wanted to be on TV. I explained I was afraid to meet Clay. Now, Broads, you all stop and think, what am I supposed to say to him? 'Hi, I wrote The Ranch, how'd you like it?' I honestly don't want to frighten or embarrass the poor man! I told Louise I hoped maybe Our Contact could just sneak him the photo for signing. Louise didn't think that would be likely.

We met up with Our Contact, who explained how we were going to get to wait indoors instead of in a long line, how our seats were confirmed, and how we might get a special treat after the show. This is when I started calling her Goddess Contact. This friend of a friend of a friend took her day off to be a gracious hostess to a couple of Broads. She couldn't have been nicer. We talked about children and school fundraisers, and she shared her knowledge of working in association with the television industry.

When the time came, she waited with us at the NBC store, where those of us with confirmed tickets gathered.

At NBC: Meeting Louise's Daughter and Son-in-Law & Meeting Other Fans

Louise's Daughter and Son-in-Law arrived. Louise had already explained that they were Clay fans, but not in love with Clay the way we all are. Now these two young people are a darling couple, smart and clever and oh so nice. Plus, they're both gorgeous, and are going to make Louise and Mr. Louise some beautiful grandchildren some day. I think they were also sweetly amused by Louise and I.

I asked other fans in the waiting room what site they were from, and introduced myself as a Lecherous Broad. If they responded favorably, I turned fame whore and dropped my name. I met and chatted briefly with fans from Bolt, and from ca.com, and from Aiken-Breakin Broads, I think, and from another yahoo site, and from PROC. I even found NCgurrl from PROC, who I'd met at the SJ concert, and we shared a warm hug. One woman, from ca.com, I think, even talked about my Vanilla is Sexy page from that very morning. Oh, Nelle was having a good time being famous. (I'm not afraid to meet other Clay fans. Only Clay.)

At NBC: Nelle and Louise Try to Become Thelma and Louise

When the appointed time arrived, the crowd was instructed to walk over to the next building, to get to the studio. Louise and I had been strategizing, and instructing her Son-in-Law to run defense for us so we could make headway. Well, you should have seen Louise leave him in her dust! That Broad can power walk when Clay is the motivation.

At the door to the building, we all had to go through a security entrance/metal detector, and instructions were given that backpacks were not allowed. I had my purse, plus a tote bag that held my TIME and People magazines, plus a folder with the photo-shopped graphic Katynka and Cindy made....just in case of an autograph opportunity. Well, the security guard immediately instructed me the tote bag was not allowed inside. I stepped aside, and Louise and I attempted a smuggling operation, and tried to get the folder inside. The security guard was on to us, and foiled our every move. Finally I took the photo-shopped picture and just rolled it up...I certainly didn't want to fold the picture that I hoped to possibly get autographed by Clayton. The security guard saw me, and insisted even that piece of paper was not allowed in. I complained a little, and politely asked for his name.

At the time, I wasn't feeling very appreciative of that security guard at all. Especially when I got inside and saw at least two people sitting and reading books! Oh, books could go in, but not magazines or a piece of paper. Well, you all already know what got autographed, and now you know you have Security Guard Bill partly to thank for Clay's Autograph to LBFCA on the Purple Jacket.

NBC: The Taping

You've seen the show. You know Clay gave THE MOST AMAZING PERFORMANCE.

We didn't actually have great seats.....sort of up from the TTS band, so across the auditorium/studio from Clay. But, the studio only seats about 350, so, it's not all that far across. This was no sports arena. I'm certain we exchanged air molecules with Clay!

I haven't been to the taping of a national TV show before. It's all what you would expect. Jay came out about 20 minutes early, and told us a few things. Every time Clay's name was mentioned, the crowd went wild. Someone else comes out and makes jokes and gives humorous instructions and makes fun of some of the audience members. I was happy with our up high seats, because I did NOT want to be on TV.

You've seen the show. You know what happened prior to Clay. Can you believe Jay's bit with goofy advertisements and unfortunate marriage announcements included a BIG FEET joke and the word Beaver? Which one of you Broads is secretly a writer for Leno? It was entertaining, but I kept looking at my watch. My heart was in my throat.

Finally, the curtain went up for Clay. We were certainly delighted to be the first Broads to see this:

Then, Clay BLEW THE ROOF OFF THAT PLACE!!! It was so great to be there to watch. I was up on my feet and dancing and singing. Clay was exuberant. The crowd was with him, and screaming for him.

I loved being there to see Clay have a blast singing Invisible:

and to watch him grab the mic like this:

After the song, he sat down with Jay, but the crowd was still going wild. Jay had to shush me, um, I mean, us:

You saw how charming and funny Clay was in the interview. We were there to see him make this face:

Oh, and, I'm sure you noticed how incredibly handsome Clay looked:

I can't forget to mention, that shirt obviously has some purple in it!

After taping the show, Jay and Clay and the other guests taped a couple promo commercials.

Then, some NBC guy announced there were technical problems, and they were going to tape Clay's song over! Whooopeeee! The crowd went wild!

The second one is the performance you saw on TV. I am here to promise you, Clay's first shot at the song was JUST AS WONDERFUL. He was on that night!

In case you're wondering, I thought there were a couple minor changes. Now, Louise can correct me on this (of course Clay is welcome to correct me on anything ;-), but I think Clay added a couple moves on the second performance.

One was this, two handed caress:

and the other was this, one hand caressing his chest:

NBC: After the Taping

After all of that, for reasons that I still cannot fathom, Louise and I found ourselves with a group out in the Artists Entrance parking lot.

Now, I'm still not sure we're going to get an autograph, or just get to see Clay walk to his waiting SUV. But, I'm scrambling in my purse for something for him to sign, just in case. I have junk! What do you have in your purse that's worthy of a Clay Aiken autograph? Same here. That's when I tested my two purple Sharpies on an inside selvedge of my purple jacket. That's when I decided to ask to have it signed, if I got the chance. But, it was going to be up to me to ask for it to be for the Broads. Gulp.

We stood around and waited. And waited. And waited. There were only about 20 fans out there. I'm still kind of curious about the rest of the people there. When I asked my standard Clay fan question: what fan site are you from? I got quizzical looks! I swear, Louise and I were the only Internet Clay fans out there. Very weird. I have no idea how the rest of those women got to be in the position of waiting to see Clay leave. I impressed them with my knowledge of Clay's schedule for the next two days. Sheesh, all the Broads knew he was shooting an ET segment, going to Jojo's studio, then flying to New York that night and going to be on GMA and TRL on Wednesday! None of those people knew any of that.

So, Goddess Contact had a big big big camera, and she was telling us, when Clay comes out, she is going to take a photo of me with him alone, and one of Louise and her family.

Did I say we waited? Probably over an hour.

The Bird Lady left in a big limo. Clay's band equipment left in a big truck (don't you love it that Clay has a band???). Clay's band and back-up singers left (now that I've seen them on every other MOAM Week performance, I wish I'd asked for their autographs, too). Jay Leno left! We waved and called out to him. He pulled his car up right in front of us, with his window down:

...and I said "Jay, thanks for having Clay on tonight." He nodded, and said something, like 'of course,' or something. Then I said, politely, I think, "Have Clay on again, a lot, and as the main guest." Others in the group chimed in. He smiled and waved and drove away.

We waited some more.

Finally, some guy came out, said Clay is in a hurry, because he has other things to do (well, duh, I'd been telling those other fans, who are somehow not online Clay fans, just how busy Clay was).

So, Some Guy says, Clay just has time to take quick photographs. Some of the fans explained they didn't have cameras. So, Some Guy says, 'ok, line up in two lines, you can have either an autograph or a photo with Clay.'

I had been steeling myself to get past my fears of embarrassing myself, let alone Clay, and ask him for an LBFCA autograph. I stood in that line. Louise and her family stood in the other. I had my purple jacket OFF, and asked the fan in front of me if she'd let me use her back as Clay's desk, to get my jacket autographed. She agreed.

Clay was moving through the autographs fast. He was not exactly interacting with us. I cannot call it a 'meeting.' But it was exciting.

The fan in front of me started to move away after she got her autograph, and I said, wait, you're my desk, and held my jacket up on her back. I held it up so the spot where I want it signed (over my heart, natch!) was at my eye level. Well, guess where Clay's eye level was? Not in that spot, that's for sure!

I am standing before CLAY AIKEN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN ON THE PLANET, and I say:

"Clay, would you write it to the online site where I live?"

He said, "and what's that?"

He already had his blue Sharpie ready to write, and I said the words, Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken....he made a kind of funny headshake (you've seen that), said/mumbled something that communicated he couldn't write that, and I said "L-B-F-C-A," and he was writing it before I finished saying it......I honestly believe he was in such a hurry he didn't have time to write out Lecherous Broads. There was no conversation, he didn't look frightened, or embarrassed (thank God!).

I said, "Thank you Clay. We adore you."

He was already moving on to the next person in line. It was over fast, but I was close to Clay, and came home with the Holy Grail of an LBFCA autograph.

Goddess Contact then directed me, to move into THE OTHER LINE!!! At this point, she was more determined than I was to get a photo of me with Clay. I put the jacket on. When it was my turn, I stood next to Clay, on his left, I had my arm around him, and he had his arm around me, and I lost consciousness! Well, not really. But, I was in some kind of dissociative state. I did not smile. I do not know what he smelled like. I did not know where the camera was. I'm not sure where the ground was. It was over in a split second, and someone (Some Guy? not sure) somehow communicated to me that my turn was over.

I stepped away, and gave Goddess Contact a big ol' Nelle sized hug.

I have the most atrocious photograph of myself in the history of photographs, an unsmiling, grim, deer in the headlights look on my face. But, I am standing next to CLAY AIKEN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!

Louise and her children have a photograph that is absolutely beautiful. Of all of them.

In minutes, Clay turned and was walking away towards his SUV. I couldn't believe I had been that close, and forgot to congratulate him, or tell him he blew the roof off that place. I shouted out, "bye Clay, great performance tonight." Others were calling out, too, and he sort of half turned and waved. Then he was in that big shiny black car and it drove away. We all waved.

Time to go home: Saying Goodbye

I realized my tote bag was still by the security entrance on the other side of the building. I realized I'd been so busy trying to smuggle the photo-shopped picture in, I'd forgotten to worry about leaving my plane ticket sitting there by the entrance! We went looking for it, and finally found it in a safe place.

We dropped Louise's Daughter and Son-In-Law off at their car, and said our goodbyes. Her daughter had some sweetly teasing things to say about Louise and her fangirliness before leaving.

On the way to the airport all Louise and I could talk about was how wonderful the day had been, and how it couldn't have turned out much better. I kept thanking Louise.

We hugged, and parted.

Time to go home: The Airports

Now, Broads, and Tony, you know how easily Nelle cries.

As soon as I got out of Louise's car, when I was alone again after 9 hours in Broad Heaven, I felt like crying. I was on the verge of tears while I ate a sandwich, and while waiting at the gate, and when I called Mr. Nelle and told him I felt like crying, and while in the airplane. I tried to sleep on the flight, but, every time I opened my eyes, I had to rub my forehead to keep from crying. Finally, while walking through the terminal at the SJ airport, the tears started to flow. Apparently I could let myself cry closer to home. I stood out at the curb and wept. When Mr. Nelle picked me up, I sobbed.

Mr. Nelle asked if I wanted to just go home. I said, no way! I wanted to go to the CD Release Party! But, I was just choked up with disbelief and gratitude. I thanked Mr. Nelle, again, for saying "we'll figure out a way."

After the Taping: The CD Release Party

I walked in to our party, which was being held at a Media Play in a big mall. There was a cluster of about 50 fans in there. It didn't look like any formal activity was going on, so, when I got within about 10 feet of the edge of the fans, I yelled at the top of my lungs: "Clay signed my jacket!"

Poor Mr. Nelle! I should have warned him. I was mobbed, as people clamored for details and a look, even to touch the Purple Jacket with the LBFCA Autograph, even to take pictures. I shouted out, please don't put a photo of me on the Internet. Spotlightlover took this headless photo, and said I could share it here:

The rest of the party was fun, and I enjoyed seeing Susanne again, and meeting CA Elizabeth, and Lurker from Atherton. I also was happy to see my local PROC pals, Spotlightlover, Churchmouse, SurferSue, Bina and Deborah. Also my RL friend, Suziq14. I won a calendar and ate a Krispy Kreme.

When I entered a drawing at the table set up by a local radio station, I asked if this meant they were now going to play Clay's songs. This jerk of a young guy shook his head, said, 'no, not my genre.' I told him to join the Revolution. I certainly didn't let that experience ruin an otherwise wonderful day, but I am not through complaining that the radio market in the SF/SJ area has NEVER played a Clay song. Ever. Please send Broadly Powers.

After the party Mr. Nelle helped me get a digital photo of the Purple Jacket and Clay's Autograph to LBFCA, so I could put it on a MP before going to sleep.

The Day After: Big emotions

I woke up early, too early, the next morning. Full of Big Emotions.

Worries, that I shared with Louise: I worried that I'd embarrassed her in front of Goddess Contact. She assured me I hadn't. I worried that I'd gone against Some Guy's instructions and got both an autograph and a photo. I was now one of those fans who tried to get more more and more, slowing the machine down when Clay was in a hurry. She assured me it was fine.

I shared with her my crying story. She still doesn't get it. I need to try to explain. Please bear with me. This is almost over.

Broads, I still cannot believe Louise gave me this gift. It is overwhelming to me. I am still quite convinced I did not deserve this. Now, stop yourself before you plan your email, or your post in the PPs insisting otherwise. Please---I know some of you fine Broads are going to want to protest my claim. But, please don't. Instead, please stop to consider how this felt for me. A Broad who has never met me in RL offered me this opportunity, and took me on this adventure. Plus we got to get an autograph and photos! It's still all too much for me to fathom that Louise offered this to me, let alone that it happened. Please don't go reassuring me. I know I'm appreciated at LBFCA. I don't mean this to be an invitation for you to all tell me how deserving I am. I want you to stop and think how it would feel if some Broad you had never met in RL offered you the same thing. Pretty ding dang amazing. Please be with me in my amazement and my gratitude. It's wonderful. And it's real.

I love LBFCA

Thank you Clay, we adore you.

Nelle

(Read Louise's TTS BEVR here)

ps

....you didn't think I wasn't going to show you the picture of Clay standing with me, did you?


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