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2003-11-04
MEDICAL REPORT IS �LIP-SMACKING� GOOD
RTP, North Carolina- The AI International Health Organization head researchers, Meredith Vieira and Diane Sawyer, held a press conference today to discuss their newest lead into the Clay Aiken/Broads bond. Apparently Mr. Aiken�s lips had been a source of research for many months, but no data was available until today. �We feared there had been breech of security after the article in ELLE appeared,� explained Dr. Vieira. �But we now realize that the author, Allison Glock, was just feeling the same sensation as the Broads. Heck, she may be one herself; �plump and ripe and shell pink, indeed!�� While seemingly simple, the lips are formed and used for a variety of functions. First, lip posture is an important factor in communication. Lips are, of course, essential for vocal communication, but factor extensively in other forms of communication as well. The muscles that make up the greater part of the lips belong to the mimetic musculature, now referred to as Clay�s muscle and are responsible for raising, depressing, and retracting the lips.
�It�s obvious from his vocal communication, Aiken has exceptional lips and well developed Clay�s musculature,� noted Sawyer. �Every note of perfection and the way he drawls �Gurrrrls,� its essentially a direct message to the Broads.� �Then there was the little �kissy face� at the MAP,� exclaimed Vieira, �there is no denying that one was for the Broads! How much communication do you need?� The lips are also important in one more form of communication. In all species the lips can signal aggressive intent or submission. �Well, its pretty widely known these women will be submissive or aggressive; whatever Clay wants he gets from his Broads,� Vieira stated emphatically. �As for Clay and the lip bites; nervous or nervous aggression�actually, the evidence leans toward sexual communication,� mused Sawyer. �We think it�s just another way Clay expresses his deep desire for his Broads.� In addition, the lips are used functionally for collecting food and introducing it to the mouth. For this purpose, lips must be both sensitive and mobile. �We�ve seen him lick �em and we�ve seen him curl �em,� sighed Vieira. �I�d say his lips are both sensitive and mobile. Besides, we know the boy LOVES to eat!�
While the lips are important for apprehending food in the adult, they are also important in the newborn. In neonates, the lips form the seal that is necessary for successful sucking. �Lips�sucking�sucking those plump, ripe, shell pink�and those lips next to that blue sweater�gahhhh!� cooed Sawyer with a dazed expression. �Oh, sorry. Was there a question?� At this point the reporters seemed as overwhelmed by the evidence as the scientists and the press conference ended. The AI Health team promised to continue their research and bring to light more �Broad� sweeping evidence in the future regarding Clay Aiken and his Broads.
--posted and illustrated by Wendy in FL with photo input from Erin and Julie |