Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2004-01-12
4:26 p.m.

Bobblefest BEVR - Atlanta Broads

Bobblefest 2004

The Charlotte BEVR as told by LB Erin, LB Robin & LB Amber

(we did not change the names to protect the innocent, as there were none!)

It started out like any other day

.. .except we were going to Charlotte to see Clay! Erin gassed up and then went door to door collecting Broads. First Robin then Amber - all leaping into the Broad-Mobile, Ne'kid as Jaybirds, tassels whipping in the brisk Atlanta air. Yes, it was just like any other day.

Nothing could have wilted our tassels, or so we thought! 15 minutes into the drive, we were faced with miles of bumper-to-bumper traffic. Seems that every Broad and her Brude (if she had one) was headed to Bobblefest.

"Traffic Jam Keeps Broads from Clay" was suspiciously absent from the DOT warning signs located along the interstate. Panic, fear and bladder eruptions began to take over. Luckily the floodgates opened up before we did.

Along the way we called Nelle to let her know we were safely on our way and to say, "We love her!" She was so happy for us and made us promise to give hugs to all the Broads (which we did).

Who said we were speeding? Do you really think 90 is going too fast when you're going to see Clay?

A 4 hour trip miraculously took LB (Lead Boot) Erin 3 1/2 hours. And that INCLUDES our 30 minute de-Clay. (What? We HAD to say it)

As we arrived in the Queen City....ooops we mean The KING City, our tassels were at full mast, IT WAS COLD! But somehow we managed to stay warm. Ok, we were downright HOT! We pulled into the Broad Inn (really it was a Microtel) and saw Gini heading over to the restaurant where Bobblefest was just getting started.

We checked in (again, using our REAL names) and before our bags hit the floor of our room, Lila and Diana K were beat'n down our door. Now this is where the fun begins!!!! Lila had brought us "Purple Crowns of Delusion" AND she had made us official Bobblefest name badges. Thank you Lila!

Let The Bobblefest begin.

NSST met us as we entered The Lotus Blossom. She was such a wonderful hostess and made all of us feel welcome. The private area she arranged for was complete with Broads, balloons and buttons. Cha Cha Trusty had a bag of Clack with a street value worth millions. We gazed at that bag of buttons knowing it would hard to choose just one. Surprisingly we all 3 picked "Lip Bite Grease" Clay. Yummy! Who needs Chinese food? Speaking of which, did we mention that there was jello? We were tempted in do some wrastl'n but Wendy wasn't there to referee. Oh well, there is always Broadfest.

Roll Call: Erin, Robin, Amber, Lila, Diana K, Gini, Raleigh Gurrl, Dr in NC, NSST (with daughter Ashley), Cha Cha Trusty (with friend Mary), Philly Sue, Michelle in Va (with friend Jen). HERE!

Before we left, fortunes were handed out in the shape of cookies. It didn't look like anyone was going to get "lucky" until Raleigh Gurrl opened hers, but we'll let her tell you about that. We will say, her face was red and tears were streaming down her face.

UNCC...don't they have a famous Alumnus?

We convoy to the school, riding on the streets he traveled, parking in the lots he parked, walking in the doors he entered, sleeping in the beds he slept in. Wait, maybe we are getting a little carried away!

As we handed over our tickets, the kind UNCC "saints" handed over "The Holy Grail": Bobblehead Clay! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Complete with Purple pants, Red belt and Blue eyes??? And all this time, we thought his eyes were green! Hummmmmm. But they were ours just the same.

Broads were seated everywhere and RGurrl and DR in NC had to leave right after the "concert" so we had to say our goodbyes before we even had time to grope our Bobbleheads. And can we just mention how beautiful these 2 Broads are!

There's really a BASKETBALL GAME!!!!!

The arena wasn't as big as we thought but our seats were still in the nosebleed section. We worked our way up, while Gini worked the security guards with her new friend Susan (a true Broad) for better seats. And she got 'em but that's her story.

Ooooooh Say Can You See?

No, not really! But looking at his Royal Hiney while he beautifully, looooooooowly, and angelically sang TSSB was worth the price of the ticket and brought tears to our eyes!

Lo and behold.

There was a basketball game, there really was. We watched unnecessary balls on that court and we waited patiently for it to end. We were told he might be courtside during the game, but we couldn't find him. Thank god he wasn't a snake (no pun intended) because he would have bitten us. A kind spectator showed us the light. Through the magic of binoculars it was so sweet to witness Clay just be Clay. Just watching him drink a bottle of water and check his watch was almost more than we could handle. Shortly after we spotted him, he was whisked away, and we knew what was coming...

Working towards the climax.

The half time show consisted of a few cheerleaders and UNCC alumnus and recording superstar, Clay Aiken! (It was apparent we weren't the only ones not there for the basketball game). Clay strutted out onto that all too familiar "stage" and was presented with two sizeable donations. The lights dimmed, and we beamed. The announcer informs us that Clay will be singing his hit smash "Invisible". Clay, on the other hand, had a little surprise in his pocket....ummmm, we mean up his sleeve. There was something about the way he looked that night, and he sang all about it. Hearing The Way drip from his lips was like tasting the sweetest honey.

He worked us over and he knew it. Right to left, front to back, he played that court like those basketball players could never do. By the time he started "Invisible" we were able to lie back in our seats and sing along with an old friend. And we mean the song. The lights came up and we realized those around us were looking at us as if were aliens who had just been brought back from Mars. Maybe this wasn't a Broadfest, but we made it one.

On our way out we met Christine, Grandma 857? (what number is it again, grandma?), and Natalie who told us how much they love LBFCA. And of course we love them.

Bobblehead-Clack Fest.

We weren't ready for the party to end, so we took our Bobbleheads over to NSST's house for the post-celebration. We snacked on cowry shell necklace, stripy shirts, well-tailored suits, leather jackets and a tuxedo until the wee hours of the morning. Thank you for the scrumptious hors d'oeuvres NSST!

We drove back to the motel in a daze (or was it a Clayze?). The bad thing about driving under the influence of Clack at 3 in the morning is that there's a chance of falling asleep at the wheel and almost driving yourselves into a ditch. Yes, this nearly happened. Please don't ask Diana K., we'd hate to hear what she has to say about it. Obviously we survived...the crash, survived the burn, survived....oh right, we're not songwriters. We're not even good drivers!

Night night, sleep tight, hope the Clay bug bites.

Lila joined us in our room for a sleep over and as much as we wanted to keep the party going, we were worn out! (That Clay!) Thanks for sharing in the laughs, Lila. We would love to have you become an Official Atlanta Broad!

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Morning came all too early and our Bob Evans breakfast wasn't enough to console us. Hugs, kisses and pictures later we were headed back to Atlanta. Again we met some amazing people, again it was a wonderful night with Clay, again it was an experience we'll never forget, yeah.. it was just like any other day.

Well except for that one day in Atlanta when he told us he loved us.

*Newly developed evidence just hit as the BEVR was being published. Please note the huge smile on that gorgeous face. Yes, this is Clay Aiken waving to the Broads as he left The Tabernacle, declaring his love.

We would say that was like any other day, but we know we'd be lying.

-Amber, Robin and Erin

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