2004-02-26
6:59 p.m.

LBFCA Serves at the Pleasure of it's President

From the Oval Or'fice in the Purple House
919 North Carolina Avenue

The President of the LBFC Fan Club Winds Up His Day and Prepares for a Night on the Town.............

He bangs, he bangs....... Lila, Chief of Staff, comes running. "Yes, sir what can I do for you?"

"Lila, honey, I have only a few minutes before my driver arrives and I head out for the evening. I was wondering if you had a few minutes to spare for a quick debriefing."

"Certainly sir, my briefs are always at your service. And might I say that you look all kinds of yummy tonight."

"Why thank you, Lila. Do you know who owns these red glasses?"

"I believe those are Allison's, sir. Remember her? She dropped by for a quickie post the other morning. I called out to her as she tip-toed out the side door and scampered across the lawn. I don't think anyone else noticed her; she was here and off so fast. No wonder she couldn't see straight. Shall I have a messenger deliver them?"

"No, Lila, I'll see her tonight in the Champagne Room and return them then. I actually came across these as I was rooting through my desk drawers. I was looking for Sandi's BEVR. You know the poem one? It's in here somewhere but so far I have found everything else BUT. Look at this stuff, will you?" Eighty-seven pairs of panties, flat iron, tassels, turkey baster, half-eaten donut......hmmm.....does that mean the other half is fresh?"

"That looks like your spare microphone, sir."

"No, that one's battery operated. Mine needs to be plugged in. That one belongs to the assistant physician".

"What do you want with Sandi's BEVR, sir?"

"Lila, if you have to ask that question maybe we need to rethink your position as Chief of Staff. But the truth is I'm going out on the campaign trail this week and I think I'm going to be seeing a lot of BEVRS come the next couple of months. Gosh, I hope every one of those translates into a vote."

"I'm sure they will, sir. And everything appears to be falling into place for your trip. I haven't checked with the pilot yet but I can tell you from my own observations, Air Force One is fully fueled and ready for boarding. Now tell me, what is it about Sandi's BEVR that you want it so badly right now?"

"Well, I was always very fond of it. It was so neatly trimmed and had excellent rhythm."

"And?"...

"Oh, I don't know. It's just that I haven't seen it for a while and I know it's in this desk. I've been in and out of that cubbyhole a dozen times, and I'm sure it's here...probably right under my nose."

"Sir, there it is....under the hairspray. I need ask you about something before we go any further...um, the Canadian Ambassador is waiting outside. She wants to return conan o'brien."

"Show her the way to the border."

"Sir, that's not in the best interest of Canadian-American relations."

"I swear..... I did not have any relations with those Canadians."

"If you say so sir, but you know what is plentiful in Canada and so does the press. Anyway, this is getting way too long. We'd better get on with the debriefing."

"Yes, Lila, you're right. Do you have the minutes from our last meeting?"

"Mmm......let me see......it was fifteen."

"Fifteen? Sorry, sweetie.......and I haven't got much more time tonight either. I think I've gotta be off in ten."

"Now you don't worry about that, sir. I know better than anyone how busy you are and I have plenty to keep me busy too."

"Lila, I hate to take up any precious time but I have a question for you before we get too much further......over all, are you pleased with my staff?

"I have no complaints. Your staff is extremely motivated and hardworking. You really should be proud of it, sir. A staff like yours is one in a million."

"Oh, Lila honey....you have no idea how much that pleases me. Oh! And that too...."

"Sir, what are you doing...with your fingers?"

"Nothing, just playing.........'I am NOT a crook!"

"Well, that about finishes it for me, sir. You've only one appointment in the morning, the Church Lady at eleven."

"Is she missing the bishop?"

"No, sir she's a Baptist. I believe she's looking for 10% of your gross."

"Oh, I see. Well, that's all then. I think I'll spend the most of the day tomorrow polishing my presentation."

"Sir, with all of the people on board here, I really don't think you need to do that for yourself anymore. The Speech Writer and the Press Secretary will be more than happy to give you a hand."

"Fine, Lila, would you pass me my coat, sweetie. I'll see you tomorrow and .......about the conan thing. Do you think we could negotiate a deal with the Canadians? We could agree to accept conan if they'll take Pamela Anderson back ......Better book me in with the Secretary of State sometime this week. She may be able to work this all out. I've half a mind to let that dog back in too, as long as Shania Twain's holding the end of his leash."

Karen Eh?........who knows that the Canadian penal system is soft.

Posted by Nelle