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2004-09-14
Weekend Update Weekend Update with Miss Emily Litella... Jane: �And now, a new addition to our Update Team is correspondent Emily Litella with tonight's commentary. Well, Miss Litella, you've badgered us all for a long time and now you have a job. Welcome. Emily: �Why, thank you, Jane, it's very lovely to be part of a news team. Emily: �Tonight's commentary is very important because I hear that President Bush has invaded Iraq looking for Weapons of Mass Seduction. Now why does he have to go all the way to Iraq looking for Weapons of Mass Seduction? I didn't think those people even allowed sex, much less seduction! Emily: �Why, we have Weapons of Mass Seduction right here! Just look at this young man--this Clay Aiken! Now, I understand that women travel all over this very country following this young man from concert to concert. They're getting on the Internet, looking at pictures of him, downloading video of him. They're not doing the laundry. Their children are eating too much junk food, and not drinking their milk! Emily: �If President Bush wants to be remembered as a great president, he should do something about Clay Aiken! It's outrageous, I can't believe what that man is doing! Jane: �Miss Litella... Emily: �What, what? Jane: �Miss Litella, you've done it again. President Bush was looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction--not Seduction--Destruction. Emily:�Ooooooh, well, I'm sorry...Never mind! Jane: �Miss Litella, lets get something straight. We've put up with your slight hearing impairment for a long time now, and in the beginning it was cute. But you're part of a news team now and we like to report the news accurately. Now if you don't report the news accurately, we'll have to let you go. Do you understand? Emily: �Oh, yes, yes, I do, I'll certainly do my best. I'll try to do better. Jane: �Please do. Emily: �B**ch! Jane: �That's our news for tonight. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!
Written and capped by Frances
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