2007-09-06
10:27 p.m.

He's Not That Innocent... (Part 2)

~San Diego~ (8/2/07)

The marina, was a beautiful setting, the sky was gorgeous, and the colors of the San Diego Symphony hoodies for sale inside the venue were sublime.

The security people who got their jollies from feeling up the bottom of purses were meanies. Big meanies!

We got to sit at tables and sip champagne from plastic flutes��you know plastic flutes, don�tcha? In less fancy circles, they�re known as recorders. We had our very own recorders... full of champagne.

Clay didn�t care for the tables much. They kind of sucked the life out of the crowd. Now, the concert was good, really good. When is it not? But there was just something missing, and ever the empathetic boyfriend, Clay was feeling it, too.

DON�T SIT DOWN!!! He yelled. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK US TO GET YOU TO STAND UP?

Clay: Every single show we do when people get tables in front of them they feel like they�re in their own kitchen.

Yes, we sit all the time in our own kitchens with our fingers plugging the holes in our plastic recorders so we can sip our champagne without spilling. Pinky swear.

Clay: No, we gotta pump Valium into the crowd just to get you up on your feet!

Audience: NO!!
Clay: Well, fine, I�m going home! Prozac�� would that be better?

Audience: NO!!
Clay: You obviously know a lot about drugs, San Diego, so please tell me which one to use! You�d think alcohol would work!

Maybe it would if they served it by the tuba full...

~Pala~ (8/3/07)

Who will ever forget that moment when Clay met��Flat Clay?

Clay: One look at ya baby will make everything all right.
Flat Clay: Ever the strong silent- type remains mum.
Clay: When I see you smiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllle�.
Flat Clay: We might see a little unconscious waving back and forth but he seems determined to ignore what�s happening on stage.

And finally!... Clay puts to rest one of those rumors that has been dogging him since his days on Idol. He leans over and mouths to Quiana off mike, �It�s not a �fold�.�

Flat Clay: Speak for yourself!�

~Los Angeles~ (8/4/07)

The Greek Theatre�gorgeous venue� and one hot August Night.

Angela�s family came to the Los Angeles show.

Clay: I just wanted to sit by you. Is that okay?
Angela: It�s alright.
Clay: And that�s becoss�..Awww! Isn�t it cute with her family here?

Clay: Surprise!

Well, we�re kind of surprised he said her �family� and not her �girls��quick thinking this time, Clay.

Quiana: Guess who�s coming to dinner.
Angela: Don�t, you�ll get a knuckle sandwich.

Clay: Ah�m gonna get beat up later, ain�t I?

Clay, honey, a week from now�you�ll be in handcuffs.

Snap�..click�..sigh�.

~Indio~ (8/5/07)

How hot was it? It was HOT!!! One hundred and seven degrees in the shade�and that fact that there was absolutely no shade is immaterial, really. It was SO hot!

One of the locals informed hot, steamy, sweaty Clay that, �We Indians like it hot!�

Clay was quick to respond. �Well, we white boys DON�T�� and that his remark was likely to get him �thrown off the reservation.�

Silly Clay! Not even if you ate crackers in bed would you get thrown off.

Yes, Clay was very very HAWT! in Indio.

Let�s take a few moments to cool off, shall we?

~Cary~ (8/10/07)

Nothing left to be said...

~Asheville~ (8/11/07)

Could there ever be a more perfect place to see Clay? Um�don�t answer that because we know you could name 47 places faster than you can download one piece of clack!... But "your room� does not count as one of the answers because the question did NOT end with the word��nekkid.�

There was a slight distraction to the right of the stage that evening.

Later on, after the sun went to rest in the peaks of the Blue Ridge Mountains, a bug flew down Angela�s shirt. She walked to the side of stage right to take care of business but those peaks had obviously made quite an impression on Clay.

Angela: Wait a minute. I�m coming back.
Clay: Could be a half an hour before he finds his way out.
Angela: That�s not nice.
Quiana: Turn your back, Angela.
Clay: She�s gonna come out all dressed up like a nun�..buttoned up real tall.

Clay: She�s got her cell phone back there like this�..hoping the bug would fly up to the light of the cell phone.

Angela: It got lost in there for a second, but I helped it find its way out.
Clay: It�s a black hole down there. Literally.

Angela: You know what? I can�t help it.
Quiana: This is a FAMILY show! You better stop it!
Angela: Keep it classy, come on now.
Quiana: We�re at the Biltmore. We gotta act high class.

~Knoxville~ (8/12/07)

The next night, Angela did not come with her shirt all buttoned up like a nun.

Instead she brought her fly swatter. She used it to whip us into a frenzy while the first violinist heaved a sigh at the cheekiness of it all.

~Hotlanta~ (8/15/07)

Clay: That sounds like a personal question� �How�s your Volvo?�� You wouldn�t ask a woman that, would ya??? Be sure to enunciate now�

Sorry, no �pictures� from this venue� but a �word� is sometimes worth a thousand of 'em�

~Fort Myers~ (8/16/07)

Clay: How�re you doin� down there� with the camera?

Clackgoddess: Oh please no.
Clay: She�s sittin� in her seat like this. �I�m gonna get every shot! I ain�t gonna miss nuthin!� Are you comfortable there?
Clackgoddess: Yes.
Clay: Who�re you here with?
Clackgoddess: Um� my friends from Miami.. and Texas.
Clay:� Gimme that camera!!!
Quiana: Uh, I don�t think she�s suppose to have this!!!� and you just might have ruined�
Clay: Oops...

**Clay proceeds to gather Ack, Jack, Shack, Quack and, bwah...

...Clack!**

Quiana: Can WE get a copy?�

~Tampa~ (8/17/07)

In Tampa he came up with the brilliant idea of auctioning off his stool.

�It only took about a second�

Clay: 'Cause ya know, they�re so nuts... somebody probably would!�

And then he went into a serious song...

�perplexing and bewitching us. Both.

~West Palm Beach~ (8/18/07)

It was extremely difficult trying to choose a favorite moment from this venue because #1, he was just so much �ALL THAT�...

Adorable�

Snarky�

Funny as h*ll�

Sexy�

Hawt�

And (oh yes) COOL!�

And as usual... Not That Innocent�

...and #2, we were just too preoccupied trying to figure out a way to incorporate that color scheme into our bedrooms...

Oh yeah� and he said �Balls�� Quiana told him to take it back, and so he did� **sigh**

�And then he fell on his Butt.

~Orlando~ (8/19/07)

Final shows are always so bittersweet� and this one was no exception.

Anyway� here are some of the things we learned in Orlando:

• The Hard Roc Caf� gives good L.E.D�
• Size doesn�t matter�
• He feels he fits in the best with this Kid Rock element�
• He has no idea of the difference between a cash bar or an open bar�
• Sometimes his family likes to change things up a bit for him on closing night...
• Sometimes the rest of his "family" does too....
• And sometimes he sees a lot more from up there on stage than we think he does...

Clay: I feel like you people have turned into the Jerry Springer Show here. Lord!� we need HAPPINESS here at the Hard Rock Caf�. We�re a FAMILY! We just need to SMILE, don�t you think Quiana? Everybody smile for me please? Please?

**sings**

�Sometimes I wonder how I�d ever make it through...
Through this world, without having you.
I just wouldn�t have a clue��

**audience chokes up� right along with Clay**

Such the �teacher!� **sigh** or **g**�

And speaking of which�

Clay: If you have someone who is sitting beside you right now� and they�re being extremely rude by shoutin� out while I�m trying to talk to Regina would you please talk to them?

�Now THAT was just hott!

Some of the other things we learned:

• It�s ENTIRELY possible to get caught up in television theme songs after all�

• Sometimes less is more�

• Sometimes more isn�t nearly enough�

• He loves us!!!

But mostly we learned that it�s sometimes best to just shush up and let the guy speak for himself�

**weeps**

What a GRAND summer this has been!

Karen Eh, jannet (aka Chardonnay) and Jill (aka alliesmom2)

Once again... hugs to all of our illustrious and talented photographers and videographers� Invisible926, scrpkym, Snix, Scarlett, jojoct, MnM, spotlightlover, toni7babe and Karen Eh.

Ya�ll come back now�

�y�hear?

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