Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!

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4:08 p.m.

The Clean Up Crew

A red VW convertible pulls up to the front door of the bunkhouse of the Double O Ranch. There’s no one about other than a tiger striped cat sunning itself on the front porch. Odd….there never used to be cats around here before. Jill fishes her keys from the bottom of her fake Gucci bag, the one that Karen Eh had brought her back from Baku. She hands the keys to Karen and waits while she opens the door. Jill starts back to the car for a fresh can of Diet Dr. Pepper but only gets as far as the bottom step.

UGH!!!!! Karen Eh is holding her nose with one hand and the door frame with the other. Jill bolts up the stairs and immediately wishes she’d opted for that Diet Dr. Pepper instead.

Jill: Oh man, Oh man! What IS that smell? Did somebody die in here…..like 6 months ago?

KarenEh?: Stop! Don’t open that fridge!

Karen Eh gags……..Don’t you remember…..all those leftovers from the New Years Eve party? They’ve got to be still in there. It’s obvious no one’s been back to dump that stuff.

Jill: OMG!! EWWWWWWWWWWW!! I need a Dr. Pepper!

Karen Eh?: Yeah, it's all still got to be in there....your Spotted Dick….Jannet’s Won Hung Lo……shirljan’s beef strokehimoff …..Kitty’s sex-in-a-pan……and that Pineapple Salad thing Martha Stewart let Clay make on her show.

Jill: Oh, man…that was some party! It seems like they’re all still sleeping it off.

Karen Eh?: Yeah. Did Clay ever show up?

Jill: I’m not sure……I had one too many Blue Waldos…… passed out sometime before midnight……I sort of remember somebody kissing me (that wasn’t you was it?), but I don’t think it was Clay. I’d remember that no matter how many Blue Waldos, I’d had.

Karen Eh?: Hmmm….speaking of Blue Waldos……weren’t there a couple of pitchers……that never got poured? We were saving them to toast the end of Clay’s run in Spamalot, or the growth of his sideburns, or the announcement of a new tour.

Jill: Tour?

Karen: Yeah, you know. T.O.U.R….When Clay gets in a bus with a few of his friends and one of his dogs, and is driven here and there to sing at places over which he has not control. And we go ‘round and follow him…..we used to throw panties at him on stage, but last going off we were just throwing money. Save us the trouble of trying to find the Victoria's Secret in strange malls in strange states.

Jill: You’re strange.

Karen Eh? : No, I’m not. I’m Canadian.

Jill: You gonna use that excuse again?

Karen: You gonna open the fridge and get the Blue Waldos?

Jill: Well, I’m not one to refuse a Blue Waldo, but what if the Won Hung Lo has grown legs and springs at me when I open the door?

Karen Eh?: Ooooh….bonus!! I’ll get the fridge.

Written by: Karen Eh?....who can't believe she remembered how to do this.

***Just noting that we’re not dead yet……merely hibernating…..and trying to think of a really good way to celebrate the tutu. You don’t suppose there’s a drink by that name? Pink Elephants, Pink Ladies, Pink Tutus?

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