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2004-03-10
9:18 p.m.
THE VIRGIN DIARIES BEVR: March 5, 2004 in D.C.
I have the best mom. She bought me a ticket to lose my virginity as a birthday gift. The fact that she was going to watch didn't bother me at all. Technically, she bought me two, but the first was purchased in panic before better seats became available on my actual birthday, March 1. THE PREP: T-shirt already made, 2 purple Fun Fur boas ("Purple Reins". Gentle restraints in case I can get actually near him) finished, purple mascara purchased and tested, purple chrome pedicure ready to be completely hidden by Steve Madden army boots, maps printed.....After a week of asking Mom questions and mucho begging from the step-daughter, Mom's boss announces on Thursday that he's got floor tickets (but not as good as our seats) for Friday night. He's not enthused, but he's the designated chauffeur. He also can't complain about anybody else leaving work early tomorrow. His warning to Mom about not wanting to see her on the news was unnecessary. She's too short to be seen over me, and I'm the wanton missy hell-bent on seduction anyway. THE TRIP: Left town via Clayton Avenue. Listened to tape of the first singer to educate me in the art of "aural sex", and though his name isn't Clay, they do have a lot in common. FROM METRO TO FADO'S: Interesting beginning, and by interesting I mean f-u-n. Not. The ride, at least, was pleasant. One person (a man) figured out that we were Clay fans going to the MCI Center. Lots of Aiken-ish shirts at our stop and out on the street. Women noticed, but again it took a man to figure it out. After he saw me. Gee, was it the purple Clay shirt and boa that gave it away, Einstein? BROADFEST: First time in a pub. So smoky I can't see color at all, but getting no sleep last night might have something to do with it too. Blinded by tiara. Bearer of tiara saying something about living in delusion. I've found my way home. ...I had no real idea what cha cha trusty would look like, but for some reason I didn't expect her to remind me of Wendy in FL in that tiara. The whole group was younger-looking than they'd let on. Attractive group too...if you overlook me. [I broke out in anticipation (that's hormonal, right?) and I'd also dyed my hair a darker, redder blonde and it was still over-conditioned from the process, and dayum, it always happens---the Metro parking lot was windy as h-e-l-l. Just like my church lot, oddly enough.]....Pennsylvania ( is Broadly, and I'd brought the maps to prove it, (but only of my local area), and the dark chocolate Hershey's Kisses in purple foil (I'm not really delusional enough to think I'm going to get within smooching distance, so it doesn't matter. I'M not allergic.).........Cha Cha Trusty broke into Kyrie for the first of several times and I promised not to do my S***n impression. She pretended to fore and backhand me. She gave me the BIRD too. I mean B.I.R.D., which I promptly attached to Clay's collar. The one on my t-shirt, I mean. I don't remember who brought what anymore, but I know Suz in MD brought the candles 'cause I see her name on mine ... Even Broads I'd never seen in pics looked familiar. If I seemed to be staring, well, I was. I still can't name who you remind me of, but at least MY intentions were honorable. The same can't be said of Mr. Macho Smugface nursing the beer bottle by the post. (Yeah, you should have seen the reaction our group name got.).....To those I met: I swear I'm not usually so flighty, but Clay goes to a gurrl's head as well as her nethers. Maybe all the SPAceNK in the air had something to do with it too. I was just warming up when we left, or I'd have been more entertaining too. THE PRE-SHOW: ......Program: uhhhhhhnn. .....Beu Sisters: good. Beu Sisters announcing Clay: better. Always put the meat in the middle, I say. .....I was exactly two rows behind Michelle VA, and looking for the now legendary Security Fake-out, when suddenly---the name Jerome escaped my lips. OMG, there was Jerome right there in the middle of the floor! ~*Disclaimer: Michelle is a lovely person and I'm sorry to say this, but if HRH had come along in front of us...I would have vaulted over her. The good news is that I've never missed a vault or failed to clear a hurdle cleanly. The bad news is that I haven't done either since High School.*~ I followed the big man's movements, and he was obviously doubling back from outside. I knew which side to look on, but wasn't absolutely sure which entrance he'd choose. It was the most easily secured one, in the end. The band began playing and suddenly I heard the Voice. Then HE came. [Inner geek "Hey, that's Pippin's line!"] THE CONSUMMATION: O...M...G. He was GORGEOUS, but you already know that. Like a hard candy stick in that striped shirt and pants. *slurp* ....Visible! *pant* Stubble! *wheeze*....EF! I had a sudden desire to launch myself at the nearest Jumbotron, but quickly realized that such action would never satisfy and would surely result in early withdrawal. Mine. By Security. ....Mom and I were torn between watching HIM and watching the screen "to see all the nuances," in her words. And, ohhh, what nuances! The full-body schoolboy giggle accompanying each mention of the word 'love'! That man has more facial expressions than Jim Carey, and each is more adorable than the last. He was playful, sweet, too sexy for DC...Too sexy for DC. He DOES know exactly what he's doing to us-- Agent Provocateur and master of extending the ecstasy, the lying little tease! (Okay, so he ain't so little. It's just an expression..)... I'm sure I saw Waldo when he pulled his shirt up. ...Loved the clutches, kicks, bounces, organ grinder, etc., and when did he start rolling the microphone between his hands like that?! Loved the interaction with the audience. I'm claiming the extended laugh during the "Let's see what you've got!" segment, because he was looking my way while I whipped my purple boa over my head and he failed to comment on the "Sweet 16" sign right below. Then he skipped off to comment on the "She Bangs" sign. Still chuckling. Like a naughty schoolboy. ... Loved the cell phone session with his mocking screeches and squeals! (Is Nicki still among the living? Anybody know?) And good gracioussgracioussssnessss how I love me some tongue-tied Clayton too. ... I didn't think Mom would survive the acoustic set. I was a little worried at one point when I couldn't tell if she was just lost in thought looking for something or actually slumped over. O...M...G, that l-ohhhh-wer register. He hit "THAT Note" (like the afore mentioned singer in my first "aural sex" experience). Take me! Take me again!....Mom kept kicking her water bottle under the seats in front, then her umbrella with her keys attached to it. It was during one of those recovery missions that I lost the glasses I'd hung from the neck of my shirt. Dayum! I only wear them under lighting conditions like those at concerts, and I lost 'em shortly after he arrived! I thought the crowd seemed more able to relax and groove with Kelly after being released from the Hot One's holding spell. [Kelly also seemed to have her very own lecherous brude, judging by the guy in the next row down and his behavior. And I hate to break it to her, but the "Go Kelly" sign she read out loud said "Go Clay" on the other side. I saw it.] Just too dazed from Operation Shock and Awe. But not too dazed to kinda shout "Turn around!"at least twice, speaking for myself. Kat would understand that. ENC-OH-RE: In addition to that amazing Voice, I noticed that the lights for Clay were purple, but not for Kelly. Until Clay came again. Then I saw purple. He DOES love us. He DOES. THE OTHER BEEF: Some older lady--oops, did I say lady?--beeeotch with a sign up even when it was too dark to be read, was lucky to get out with her life and her dated hairdo intact. She wasn't blocking my own view, but people around me were ready to commit justifiable homicide. Even Miss Sweet 16 had more sense and respect for others than that. Dang, a teenager with sense AND manners? POST-CLAYTAL BLISS: I'd like to have joined Broadfest Part 2, but we didn't want to have a lonely Metro ride in the wee hours. (I'd also like to have a dollar for every comment on my shirt, pins, or boa but that's another tale. A few elbowed each other like they knew that purple meant something in Clay fandom.) The train was crammed with the concert crowd, and I must say that they were all well-behaved and friendly sardines. The females behind me ogled and analyzed Clay's pics the whole way back. (I could've told them why he seems to be looking down in so many, but at least one of 'em was under 18.) .....Clay really does make you a better person. I actually let somebody look at my program without a "Don't get it dimpled up...and don't get fingerprint smudges on it!" warning. I say that to Mom all the time. I put up my purple umbrella in the station parking lot, but the rain didn't really get going until we came back to town as we had left it--on Clayton Avenue. It seemed fitting. In the car, Mom discussed his glorious imperfection. I told her she'd missed the MP on that topic. Once home, she gushed until she passed out.....Just to hear Clay speak was enough. That accent! (I believe I hinted at a Sexiest Accent contest that I was asked to judge, and that y'all should ask me about it sometime. I'll give ya a hint: John the Baptist. *hehehe*) Hearing him sing, and seeing him? Priceless. I finally fell asleep around 4 am, and awoke from a dream of Clay after a few hours. With eyes still burning, but semi-coherent again, I started making more notes. The mini notebook is now smudged and the purple gel pen is spent...."They say the first time ain't the greatest...". They lied. So, how good was it? I'm still glowing. 'Nuff said. ---------Shieldmaiden, er ShieldWOMAN *hehehe* Posted by: Wendy in FL blog comments powered by Disqus
