Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2004-01-19
11:25 a.m.

The Wizard Of OZ - AI Style

Chapter One

Clay is standing in the backyard of his childhood home in Raleigh, North Carolina, daydreaming when he notices ominous clouds overhead and a change in the wind. As lawn chairs float across the yard he scoops up Raleigh and heads inside. Just as he walks into his bedroom he hears a loud crack and everything goes black.

He awakens to find the house spinning through the sky. He sees Diane Sawyer go by, then Meredith Vieira in a hot dog suit. In succession he sees a dozen Krispy Kremes, a flat iron, and a 20 pack of Hanes white t-shirts all go sailing along. Soon he feels the house start to descend and is violently thrown to the floor. He gets up, brushes off his pants and creeps outside. There he finds himself on an amazing ranch of graceful sloping hills, a quaint old dairy, a majestic main house, and an elaborate stable. It is the most beautiful place he has ever seen. Raleigh is scurrying about sniffing and pouncing on flowers and bugs. He glances to his left and notes a pair of feet sticking out from under the house.

"Cool shoes," he says acknowledging the red Diesels.

"Dawg, you have no idea, Dawg!" exclaims a medium sized African-American man in a cream colored suit carrying a walking cane. "Those are the shoes of Paula, the Wicked Judge of the East. Dude, she was just here torturing the beautiful MunchkinBroads when, Dude, you came out of nowhere. You got it goin' on, Dude! By the way, I'm Randy, the Good Judge of the North and if you don't mind my asking�who are you and where did you come from? Dude!?!"

"I'm so sorry. How rude of me. I'm Clay Aiken and I'm the next�um, sorry, I mean I'm from North Carolina. I feel awful. This is all my fault. What can I do?" pleads Clay as he scoops up Raleigh.

"Dawg it's not you're fault. You're a hero. She was babbling on about 'finding the matrix' and 'making it your own.' Then she looked up and shouted something about 'spirit dancing' and 'SPLAT' there you were."

"Well, are these�MunchkinBroads OK?"

"See for yourself�"

Clay gasps as the most gorgeous women he has ever seen start slowly making their way toward him. They are all wearing deep purple strapless gowns and sexy strapy heels - Prada, of course.

"WOW! I want to take all of you home wi�" But before Clay can finish there is a loud clap and a billow of smoke.

"Bloody Hell! What happened to Paula?" shouts a strange looking man.

"Oh please, let ME make the intros," says Randy, "This is Sl**on, the Wicked Judge of the West. Sl**on, this is Clay Aiken from North Carolina and he took care of Paula."

"Well, can't say I'll miss her. Drunk as a lord most of the time," snaps Sl**on. "Anyway, I'm a busy man, I'll just get those shoes and be on my way."

"Oops Dawg, too slow," snickers Randy as he motions towards Clay.

Sl**on and Clay follow the line of the walking cane until they are both staring at Clay's feet, now encased in the Ruby Red Diesels.

"Give me those bloody shoes!"

"Sor-ry," sings Randy, not sounding one bit sorry to Clay, "they're on his feet and there they'll stay, Dawg. Clay, Dude, that is fly. You need a red leather jacket, Dawg."

"You don't think it would be too much?"

"You morons!" spits Sl**on, "I will have those shoes. I'll get you Clay Aiken and your little dog too!!!"

"Hey, buddy," giggles Clay, "I know PETA! You do not want to go there!"

With another loud clap and billow of smoke, Simon is gone as quickly as he appeared.

Sighing, Clay turns to Randy and asks, "How am I supposed to get home. Obviously, I'm not in North Carolina anymore and I don't think I'll be taking the express house back�"

"Only one Dude is powerful enough to help you, Dawg. That's the mighty Wizard�the Wizard of OZ."

"So, how do I find this 'Wizard'?"

"Trust the MunchkinBroads, Dawg."

At this point, the luscious MunchkinBroads gently push Clay forward and lead him toward a road he had not noticed before. It is a wide lane made entirely of purple bricks. The MunchkinBroads break into a somewhat off-key rendition of 'Follow the Purple Brick Road.' Clay whistles to Raleigh, turns to wave to his beloved MunchkinBroads, and sets off on his adventure home.

Written by: Doc in NC

Picture designed and posted by: Wendy in FL

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